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1. Choreograph an artistic dance interpretation of his life and struggle for power and then force him to watch it.

2. Conduct a séance and pretend to channel the spirit of his mother.

3. Tell him he's been a "naughty boy."

4. Pretend to be the Sorting Hat and apologize - apparently Ты were wrong, and he was meant to be in Hufflepuff.

5. Call him Ickle-Voldykins . . . and then run. Fast.

6. Ask him to guess which hand the last Horcrux is in.

7. . . . Admonish him for cheating if he uses Legilimency.

8. Tell him Ты know where Harry is hiding, and Apparate before providing further details.

9. Dress up as Dumbledore and say Ты faked your own death.

10. Start an argument about Harry Potter shipping.

11. Tell him he's adopted and that he's really Hagrid's other half-brother.

12. Tell him Harry is his son and ask him if he's sure he wants to go through with Book 7 now, since it's become "soooo звезда Wars."

13. Tell him one of his Death Eaters is actually a member of the Order using Polyjuice Potion - but refuse to tell him who it is.

14. If he gets rid of some Death Eaters in the process of figuring this out, then all the better for Harry!

15. Tell him that one of his enemies is plotting against him in the Forbidden Forest.

16. Tell him all about your enemy/rival and how he's nothing compared to them. Perhaps he'll go after them rather than Harry.

17. Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.
A/N: I KNOW this is a Sue story, there's no need to point that out. This was written purely for the lolz.

Disclaimer: Is my name Joanne Rowling? Didn't think so.



The Slytherin Common Room quieted as Belle Perfetta entered. She was the object of all the boy's affections ever since she transfered from Beaxbatons. With her long white-blonde hair streaked elegantly with purple. Her eyes changed color with her mood, and now they were a jade green. Her pale skin glowed in the firelight. She was curvy but fit, and all the girls envied her.

One of the braver boys, Blaise Zabini she thought, stood up...
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posted by Dusty12345
Some Harry Potter Фаны might disagree with me, but... THE NEWEST MOVIE SUCKED!!!! Sorry to say this but it did. It was a lot shorter than all the others, there was almost no plot, and almost nothing happened the whole movie. All they accomplished in the movie was to find the initials of some guy. I hope the Далее one does a lot better than that one. Although I suppose Dumbledore dying was an interesting thing that happened. The only good thing that came out of that movie was that it progressed the story. Other Фаны should agree with me, and if they don't it would surprise me. I am a long time Harry Potter fan. I have all the Фильмы and I have seen all of them in the theaters, and I have all the books. I'm not saying I am no longer a Harry Potter Фан или I don't look вперед to the Далее movie, but if Ты haven't seen the movie stick to the book.
Soft Harry Potters Фаны will expierience:

1. Ты will actually remember a few of the actual spells/curses/charms/hexes etc..

2. Ты will propably almost always turn the conversation to Harry Potter.

3. Ты would have named SOMETHING after a Harry Potter character/object.

4. Whenever Harry Potter is mentioned you'll listen straightaway!

Hardcore Harry Potter Фаны will expierience:

1. Whenever Harry Potter comes up in a conversation you'll feel as if they're talking about YOU.

2. Ты will accidently call someone at SOME POINT a character in Harry Potter.

3. Ты will propably name almost EVERYTHING after Harry Potter characters/objects

4. Ты would have read the whole series еще than three times. Ditto films.

5. Ты can quote long passages off by heart.

So dahlings, see if Ты have any of these symptons and you'll know wether your a fanatic или a just a plain fan. :)
posted by monsy38
“Take it…take it…”
    Snape struggled to give Harry the memories that explained what had happened, why he had had to do what he did. He held on as tightly as he could, trying to filter into Harry just how important it was for him to see them. Snape felt himself drifting. He knew that he was about to die, after all these years he would finally get his wish. For him, life had been fueled by the dream of Lily loving him as much as he did her. She had been his one true friend, and though she didn’t know it, his whole world. Severus knew that he wasn’t easily liked...
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posted by AliceCullen353
This is part two!!!
Hope Ты enjoy!!!Its kinda long!I dont own harry potter!

Harry stood up and faced Voldemort.Tonks and Lupin stayed beside Siruis but the others formed a line behind Harry."The boy who lived Harry Poter!Time for Ты to be finshed Potter",Lord Voldemort spat at Harry."I'm not dieing tonight Riddle.I have to much to live for"Harry replied.
"Look at him he can hardly stand and he has the cheek to insult the Dark Lord!Master may i have a hand in his killing?"Bellatrix asked hopefully.
"No Ты may not.Potter is mine Ты can have your choice from the others nobody touches Potter"...
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posted by AliceCullen353
Ok im going to type this off the вверх of my head so if its bad don't have a hissy fit!!:P
I always wonder what would happen if Sirius didn't die so here goes nothing!!


It all happend so quickly.Harry was helping Nevile up when Harry saw Sirius and Bellatrix Lestrange.
She was winning laughing as ahe threw spells at him he faught back but was weak.Then she hit him with crucio.It hit him in the chest and he started to fall backwards into the arch way Lupin,Tonks,Mad eye and a few others all ran with Harry to stop Sirius falling his head and chest where in the archway but Ты couldn't them at the...
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posted by vampiress015
I just have to say that this isn't really Twilight fan-fiction, nor Harry Potter for that matter. It's a mix. I noticed on fan-fiction.net that loads of people were Письмо them, so I thought I'd give it a go myself. So, anyway, here it is:

Chapter One- The Essence of a Fan

'Edward, we Любовь you!'
'No, I Любовь him more'
'I swear on Jacob's life that I Любовь Edward еще than you'
'How does that work? Ты don't even like Jacob'
'Do too, I'm on Team Switzerland'
'Then Ты can't Любовь Edward more- Ты Любовь them both'
'Edward come back!'
Harry jumped out the way as two screaming girls flew past. His...
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posted by piperpayton22
ok woah the book was awesome i finished over the weekend there are so many things i want to know and one is a really big one is what made ahrry come bakc to life cuz i dont get that so and to the others that wrote things before the book came out they did a really good job on guessing like the person who сказал(-а) the scar was a horicinx cuz they were right so i also want to know who is victiore she is in the epigoue snogging teddy lupin so and the cousin of someone so oh and who killed the snake cuz harry told neville to do it if something bad happened and when voldy put the boddy nears his feet...
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To my fellow Gryffindor's

Hey! So even though Gryffindor was a very Популярное house in the Фильмы and books, in real life most of the people aren't in Gryffindor. I don't know why that counts cool, but they wanna be "different" или choose Draco's side, Slytherin because they have a crush on him или somehow obsessed with him ( trust me, all the teenage girls I met are,)

As a Gryffindor, I sometimes feel very left out. Ты can always find a Ravenclaw, Slytherin или Hufflepuff out there but only the 1 percent is Gryffindor. However, I learned to be proud of my house. I really am. If you're in Gryffindor,...
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1. Some еще minor characters, such as Dobby, were only included in the films where their roles were pivotal. Others such as Peeves were excluded entirely. The development of minor relationships such as Tonks/Lupin and Bill/Fleur was cut.

2. The locations for Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione's first kisses were both altered in the films. Some smaller scenes between the couples were also changed или added in. Scenes such as Harry and Hermione dancing in Deathly Hallows were added to please their Фаны and to create еще of an impression of a Любовь triangle.

3. Some characters' appearances didn't fully...
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