The день had started off with my Избранное thing. Ты snuggled into my body and your lips all over mine. Ты are so soft and I Любовь the way Ты fit into me. As the Kiss grew еще intimate Ты raised up to excuse yourself to the bathroom for a moment. The feel of Ты against me I never want to let Ты go. As Ты emerged from the bathroom with the news my сердце dropped.
The Далее few words from your lips would change our relationship and our life.
"House", there is blood in my urine. With that "the day", "myself", and "our relationship" began to spin out of control. I didn't realize this was the last time I would hold Ты или make Любовь to you.
As we got to the hospital the team was waiting to present a case. Great, "I thought to myself." We have Cuddy with upcoming tests and a patient and a team that have to have their hands held every step of the way. I tried to focus on the case and keep my mind away from the worry I felt about you, but I couldn't.
I hacked into your online scheduling only to find that Ты were meeting with a lawyer and fixing a will. I payed lab technicians to rush your test results and to give them to me. I sent team members to be with Ты trying to keep things in perspective but I was failing at keeping anything in perspective. I know Ты are scared.
As I fell asleep my thoughts were coming out in my dreams. I was scared that something bad was going to happen to Ты and I couldn't do anything to stop it. The team is dependent upon me to get the answers. I feel the pressure and I know it is my department and my responsibility. I also know that Ты need me.
I am losing this war Cuddy that is raging in my mind. I have Остаться в живых patients and I have let Ты down. I am not doing anything well. Moment by moment my fears are overtaking me. And still I know Ты are scared and I still can't be there.
"My father's words ringing in my ears."
"Failure has to be punished."
I knew I needed to be with Ты but I did't know how.
"Happiness is just a lie and it never lasts." "Despair waits on Ты to relax and when Ты think maybe I can be happy a blow comes and knocks the breath right out of you."
"My thoughts go back to that night in my apartment." The night Ты came to me. Ты have embraced every broken part of me for the twenty years I have known you. Your beautiful and fragile frame standing before me cleaning my wounds and the wounds of my soul. I always thought if anything bad happened it would be me.
When my cell phone rang the voice on the other end began telling me that the woman I had fallen so deeply in Любовь with was going to die.
"Multiple masses" on the lobes of your lungs. "You're dead." Everything inside went numb. Everything except my сердце went numb. This pain I was experiencing wouldn't stop. Wilson was right, my leg has never hurt me this bad.
Ты had been there through most every struggle in my life. Ты had kept me from destroying my career, my life, and Ты had дана me love. And now Ты were being taken away. I knew I had to come to you. I had to get control of my emotions. I knew only one thing that could do that right now.
As I entered my apartment I went to the closet and took out a shoe that held the thing inside that would help me get through this so I could help you. Two years of being clean but what did it matter Ты were dying and so was I inside. I just needed to be there to go through the motions of saying good-bye. I couldn't bare to say good-bye and I couldn't tell Ты that. I didn't want to lose you. Awww Cuddy please......
As I am standing outside the hospital room door I stare at you. Ты are so beautiful. Everything inside me just wanted to scream out, "please don't leave me", but there was nobody to listen. Ты awaken and turned to see me standing there. Ты held your hand out as I tell I should have been here.
I am watching Ты be so Храбрая сердцем as they get Ты ready for the surgery. I hold your hand, I Kiss your sweet lips, and I am trying to do exactly what Ты need me to do. As I stand in the observation room I watch Ты go to sleep. I am trying to fight back the flood of sorrow that is so overwhelming. As my tears begin to squeeze themselves from my eyes I watch them take the mass out.
"My Cuddy.
"Don't go." Please don't go.
As they begin to test the mass I am shocked as they told me it wasn't cancer.
"What!?" How is it possible that it wasn't cancer? What is on your lungs then? And then I remembered your mom and I as I push the button on the speaker I told them to test your IEG levels. When the results came back your IEG levels were through the roof. I put the order in to take Ты off antibiotics and your lungs would shortly clear up.
As I wait on Ты to wake up I Дебаты about telling Ты about the vicodin but it was a one time thing and I don't want to lose you. I tell Ты that everything is ok and everything can go back to normal. "I hope."
I hear the knock on the door and it is you. I see by the look on your face and I know something is wrong.
"You took vicodin."
I drop my head as I hear the words пересекать, крест your lips. I tried to tell Ты I was scared. I tried to tell Ты that it was a one time thing.
As Ты tell me I wasn't really there and that I take vicodin to escape pain I know Ты are right.
"Failure must be punished." The words echoing through my thoughts. My father was right. I am a failure at everything but being a doctor and since being with Ты I have not been that great at that.
Ты Переместить toward me and put your hand on my face and I know what is coming.
But I still pleadingly beg Ты not to go.
No, No. Don't, Don't. Please don't.
I am so sorry please don't give up on me is what I want to say. I need you.
Ты tell me good-bye and I watch Ты walk away.
I stood there for what seemed like hours just frozen. But then the pain came and hit and hit and it kept coming in waves washing over me and I couldn't stand it any longer.
I took the vicodin and sat down in the bathroom trying to recreate that night. Trying to go back and see where everything went so wrong. I look to the door but I know there will be no salvation this night. This night there will be no forgiveness.
As I pour the vicodin in my hand one еще time I look at the hallway and my сердце just lingers there for a moment and my thoughts go back to that nihgt and the Далее day. It was Ты and me and it was all I ever wanted. I looked down at my hand and I realize that this night I am just looking for some peace.
The Далее few words from your lips would change our relationship and our life.
"House", there is blood in my urine. With that "the day", "myself", and "our relationship" began to spin out of control. I didn't realize this was the last time I would hold Ты или make Любовь to you.
As we got to the hospital the team was waiting to present a case. Great, "I thought to myself." We have Cuddy with upcoming tests and a patient and a team that have to have their hands held every step of the way. I tried to focus on the case and keep my mind away from the worry I felt about you, but I couldn't.
I hacked into your online scheduling only to find that Ты were meeting with a lawyer and fixing a will. I payed lab technicians to rush your test results and to give them to me. I sent team members to be with Ты trying to keep things in perspective but I was failing at keeping anything in perspective. I know Ты are scared.
As I fell asleep my thoughts were coming out in my dreams. I was scared that something bad was going to happen to Ты and I couldn't do anything to stop it. The team is dependent upon me to get the answers. I feel the pressure and I know it is my department and my responsibility. I also know that Ты need me.
I am losing this war Cuddy that is raging in my mind. I have Остаться в живых patients and I have let Ты down. I am not doing anything well. Moment by moment my fears are overtaking me. And still I know Ты are scared and I still can't be there.
"My father's words ringing in my ears."
"Failure has to be punished."
I knew I needed to be with Ты but I did't know how.
"Happiness is just a lie and it never lasts." "Despair waits on Ты to relax and when Ты think maybe I can be happy a blow comes and knocks the breath right out of you."
"My thoughts go back to that night in my apartment." The night Ты came to me. Ты have embraced every broken part of me for the twenty years I have known you. Your beautiful and fragile frame standing before me cleaning my wounds and the wounds of my soul. I always thought if anything bad happened it would be me.
When my cell phone rang the voice on the other end began telling me that the woman I had fallen so deeply in Любовь with was going to die.
"Multiple masses" on the lobes of your lungs. "You're dead." Everything inside went numb. Everything except my сердце went numb. This pain I was experiencing wouldn't stop. Wilson was right, my leg has never hurt me this bad.
Ты had been there through most every struggle in my life. Ты had kept me from destroying my career, my life, and Ты had дана me love. And now Ты were being taken away. I knew I had to come to you. I had to get control of my emotions. I knew only one thing that could do that right now.
As I entered my apartment I went to the closet and took out a shoe that held the thing inside that would help me get through this so I could help you. Two years of being clean but what did it matter Ты were dying and so was I inside. I just needed to be there to go through the motions of saying good-bye. I couldn't bare to say good-bye and I couldn't tell Ты that. I didn't want to lose you. Awww Cuddy please......
As I am standing outside the hospital room door I stare at you. Ты are so beautiful. Everything inside me just wanted to scream out, "please don't leave me", but there was nobody to listen. Ты awaken and turned to see me standing there. Ты held your hand out as I tell I should have been here.
I am watching Ты be so Храбрая сердцем as they get Ты ready for the surgery. I hold your hand, I Kiss your sweet lips, and I am trying to do exactly what Ты need me to do. As I stand in the observation room I watch Ты go to sleep. I am trying to fight back the flood of sorrow that is so overwhelming. As my tears begin to squeeze themselves from my eyes I watch them take the mass out.
"My Cuddy.
"Don't go." Please don't go.
As they begin to test the mass I am shocked as they told me it wasn't cancer.
"What!?" How is it possible that it wasn't cancer? What is on your lungs then? And then I remembered your mom and I as I push the button on the speaker I told them to test your IEG levels. When the results came back your IEG levels were through the roof. I put the order in to take Ты off antibiotics and your lungs would shortly clear up.
As I wait on Ты to wake up I Дебаты about telling Ты about the vicodin but it was a one time thing and I don't want to lose you. I tell Ты that everything is ok and everything can go back to normal. "I hope."
I hear the knock on the door and it is you. I see by the look on your face and I know something is wrong.
"You took vicodin."
I drop my head as I hear the words пересекать, крест your lips. I tried to tell Ты I was scared. I tried to tell Ты that it was a one time thing.
As Ты tell me I wasn't really there and that I take vicodin to escape pain I know Ты are right.
"Failure must be punished." The words echoing through my thoughts. My father was right. I am a failure at everything but being a doctor and since being with Ты I have not been that great at that.
Ты Переместить toward me and put your hand on my face and I know what is coming.
But I still pleadingly beg Ты not to go.
No, No. Don't, Don't. Please don't.
I am so sorry please don't give up on me is what I want to say. I need you.
Ты tell me good-bye and I watch Ты walk away.
I stood there for what seemed like hours just frozen. But then the pain came and hit and hit and it kept coming in waves washing over me and I couldn't stand it any longer.
I took the vicodin and sat down in the bathroom trying to recreate that night. Trying to go back and see where everything went so wrong. I look to the door but I know there will be no salvation this night. This night there will be no forgiveness.
As I pour the vicodin in my hand one еще time I look at the hallway and my сердце just lingers there for a moment and my thoughts go back to that nihgt and the Далее day. It was Ты and me and it was all I ever wanted. I looked down at my hand and I realize that this night I am just looking for some peace.
When does Любовь become something we need, rather than something we want? Любовь was seen as something special a long time ago. Now Любовь is what we are expected to have with us everyday of our lives. Любовь is common currency when Ты are a teenager, but turns to worthless pennies the older Ты get. Do we not care about the substance of what Любовь was and not what it has been made into today by commercialisation from American Фильмы and Телевидение commercials and soap operas? Only when we experience Любовь for real, can we Комментарий and judge others who are in Love. Любовь means something different to everyone. Not two people’s feeling of Любовь is the same. Why do we generalize, rationalize and compartmentalize Love? Любовь is and will continue to be an enigma. Only a handful of people will ever unlock it and witness its true beauty and essence. The essence we all crave.
Love.
Love.