January 1, 2015,

I looked around the hospital room and сказал(-а) "I'm so glad that I can finally go home! I didn't expect it to take that many days for me to be rehydrated enough to go home!" Kyle сказал(-а) as we walked out to my truck "what do Ты think your family is going to say when they find out that you're pregnant with my baby?" I сказал(-а) "you heard what the doctor сказал(-а) to me yesterday; I can't be stressed out and I can pretty much guarantee Ты that a few people in particular are going to raise my stress level once they find out I'm pregnant again! The whole reason I passed out in the first place was because of the pressure that was being put on me! The last thing I need are my uncles and aunt Janet complaining about me being pregnant!!!" Kyle сказал(-а) "I understand that Ты don't want to tell them; but Ты can't hide it forever! Wouldn't Ты rather them find out from us? Rather than the other option; which is to Показать up one день with a huge stomach and have your water break!" I сказал(-а) "it's completely up to Ты whether Ты want to tell them are not! All I know is that I'm not putting up with their BS because it's not good for me или the baby! Ты can tell them; just don't do it when I'm around because I really don't want to hear it! I couldn't care less about what they think and I don't feel like they should act like they deserve for their opinions to be heard! They tried to turn grandma against me and my siblings! They kidnapped her and we had no idea where she was! They talk bad about dad in front of all of us and that makes me so angry because all dad ever did for them was basically bend over backwards to make sure that had everything they ever wanted! I don't even really think I want to see them again for as long as I live!" Kyle сказал(-а) "we really need to stop talking about this because I can tell just doing that is stressing Ты out babe! Don't worry about telling them that you're pregnant; I'll tell them when you're not around!" I сказал(-а) "in the meantime, we can at least tell my grandmother, Blanket, Prince, and Paris because I know that they'll be happy for us!" Kyle asked "how are we going to tell Carter?" I сказал(-а) "give me a few days because I just got out of the hospital and I need to regroup! We can tell him after I get settled back in at home!" Kyle сказал(-а) "I feel so terrible that Ты had that much stress on your shoulders! I shouldn't have let Frank put that much pressure on Ты about going back on tour when Ты weren't ready to!" I сказал(-а) "that's not your fault Kyle! I realize that I'm the one that has to bring the money in for us to live off of. I can promise Ты that a few months after the baby is born I'll be еще than ready to go on tour again because I'll have еще time to prepare my mind to be away from Ты guys for nine months straight!"

We pulled up in front of my grandmother's house and walked inside. Grandma came up to me and frantically asked "are Ты okay? What happened? I heard Ты passed out at your concert!!!" I chuckled and сказал(-а) "relax grandma; I'm fine!" She сказал(-а) "sorry; I just feel like I have to compensate for how worried your father would be if he was here!" Paris and Prince came running up to me and Prince сказал(-а) "I'm so glad you're okay AJ! I was really worried about Ты when I found out that Ты passed out!" Paris сказал(-а) "I know; I was too! The video of Ты passing out on stage is all over YouTube and the news! I guess one of the Фаны had a video camera with them and captured the whole thing! Ты seemed like Ты to the ground really hard!"

I opened up the doors to the логово, ден and gestured for my grandmother and siblings to follow me inside. Grandma сказал(-а) "whatever happened to Ты must've been pretty serious for Ты to want to talk to us alone in here! I don't like the vibe you're putting out AJ; you're worrying me!" Kyle and I sat down on the диван, мягкий уголок Далее to them and they all looked at us with worried expressions on their faces. We sat there in stunned silence for about five минуты before Kyle burst out and сказал(-а) "I can't take it anymore; AJ'S PREGNANT!!!" Paris looked at me and сказал(-а) "wait; I thought Ты couldn't get her pregnant Kyle! It is Kyle's baby; I hope!" I rolled my eyes and сказал(-а) "of course it's his baby Paris! I would never cheat on Kyle!" She took a sigh of relief as Prince asked "then how are Ты pregnant with his baby?" I сказал(-а) "there was only a 5% chance of him being able to get me pregnant on his own; so we thought the odds of it actually working were pretty much impossible! I guess this is one of those times where someone can say never say never!" Grandma asked "is that why Ты passed out AJ? Did Ты know Ты were pregnant? Were Ты trying to hide it just so Ты could go on tour and hope that nobody would find out?" I сказал(-а) "no; I didn't pass out because of that. I passed out because I was dehydrated from the morning sickness. I didn't know at all that I'm pregnant! I just thought I was throwing up because of nerves. Being pregnant was the last thing on my mind!" She asked "were Ты and Kyle still trying to get pregnant; even though the doctor сказал(-а) that there was pretty much your chance of that happening?" I сказал(-а) "I wouldn't say that we were necessarily trying to get pregnant. It was one of those things where if that happened we wouldn't be opposed to it! Kyle and I pretty much accepted the fact that he would never give us any biological children together! Before this happened, we actually started looking into adopting a child. "Blanket сказал(-а) "I'm so happy that I'm going to be an uncle again!" Kyle сказал(-а) "we really appreciate Ты watching Carter and taking him to school for us while AJ has been in the hospital! Before I forget, I want Ты guys to help keep AJ's stress level down during the pregnancy because the doctor сказал(-а) it's not good for the baby!!! The doctors don't really want her doing too much while she's pregnant! She's pretty much on постель, кровати rest the entire pregnancy!" Prince laughed and сказал(-а) "like that's going to happen! AJ has ADHD and is going to be impossible to make her relax for nine months!" Kyle сказал(-а) "I have a feeling it's going to take all of us for her to follow through with taking it easy; but we have to make it work!"

January 9, 2015,

Carter sat at the edge of his постель, кровати watching TV when Kyle and I decided to check on him. I sat down and сказал(-а) "hi buddy; I bet you're wondering why I didn't go on tour like I сказал(-а) I was going to!" He сказал(-а) "yeah; I was just thinking about that! Why didn't Ты go mommy?" I сказал(-а) with a smile on my face "you're going to have a little brother или sister soon!" He asked "you and daddy are having a baby together? How come your stomach is not big?" Kyle chuckled and сказал(-а) "it doesn't get big right away Carter! It'll be a while before Ты can really tell!" Carter сказал(-а) "make sure it's a boy because I want a little brother!" I сказал(-а) "we don't get to pick what it's going to be Carter; it just happens!"

February 3, 2015,

I had just left the bathroom, after waking up early in the morning with morning sickness and I climbed back into bed. Kyle asked "are Ты sure you're okay?" I сказал(-а) "yes; I told Ты it's normal for me to be throwing up!" He сказал(-а) "if there's anything Ты ever need from me don't be afraid to ask!" I сказал(-а) "there is one thing." He asked "what is it?" I сказал(-а) "I've been craving Chinese Еда like crazy and I was wondering if Ты would go get us some?" He looked over at the clock and сказал(-а) "it's 6 o'clock in the morning and I don't know if any Chinese Еда places are open this early. I'll go check anyway; just because I Любовь you." I сказал(-а) "thanks Kyle; I really appreciate it!"

A few hours later, he arrived back at the house and walked up to our bedroom carrying a huge bag of Chinese food. He сказал(-а) "sorry it took me so long; you're in luck though because I found a 24-hour Chinese Еда restaurant a few towns over!" I сказал(-а) "you didn't have to drive that far just to get me the Еда that I wanted!" He сказал(-а) "I know; but I wanted to!" He started picked up Еда out of the bag and sat down on the bed. He сказал(-а) "I know Damien wasn't here for Ты last time when Ты were pregnant with Carter and I want to Показать Ты how a real man is supposed to act!" I сказал(-а) "you don't really have to treat me any different just because I'm pregnant." He сказал(-а) "you deserve to be treated like the Queen!" I сказал(-а) "I know one thing's for sure; I hate being stuck in this bedroom all день every day!" He сказал(-а) "it's only been a little over a week and Ты are already going crazy!" I сказал(-а) "I don't understand why I have to lay in постель, кровати pretty much the entire pregnancy! My ADHD is driving me nuts and I don't know how much of this I can take!" He сказал(-а) "I know that it seems like it sucks right now; but it'll be worth it once Ты see the baby for the first time!" I сказал(-а) "I know you're right; I just hope that I can keep my stress level down enough to where it doesn't affect the baby!" He сказал(-а) "I'll do everything I can to make sure that Ты relax as much as possible until the baby is born! Don't worry about anything because I've got it under control!"

February 23, 2015,

"I can't believe we're having a baby girl!" Kyle сказал(-а) as we walked in the house after going to the doctors. I сказал(-а) "I'm so glad it's a girl because after this I'm done being pregnant! I don't want any еще kids!" Kyle сказал(-а) "we have our son and our daughter and that's good enough for me!" I sat down on the диван, мягкий уголок and Kyle сказал(-а) "since I wasn't around when Ты named Carter, Ты should let me name her on my own! At least the first name!" I сказал(-а) "I don't know if Ты can handle that Kyle! It would be different if we were having a boy; but Ты have to remember that whatever name we name our daughter she is going to be stuck with for the rest of her life! I don't want her to have a stupid name!" He сказал(-а) "the name I picked out isn't that bad! How about if I give her the name I picked out for her first name and Ты can pick out whatever Ты want for her middle name?" I asked "what name did Ты pick out for her first name Kyle?" He сказал(-а) "Addison." I raised my eyebrows and сказал(-а) "actually, I like it! Okay: Ты win! We can name her Addison!"

I grabbed the baby book off the таблица and started to flip through the pages. I stopped and сказал(-а) out loud "Addison Avery; how does that sound to you?" He сказал(-а) "I really like that!" I сказал(-а) "I guess her names going to be Addison Avery Lester; that was easier than I thought it would be!" Kyle сказал(-а) "speaking of names; I've always wondered why Ты didn't change your last name to Lester when Ты and I got married." I сказал(-а) "it's not that I didn't want to; but part of my celebrity image is my last name and if I changed it that would probably affect my fans! I've been known as Alanna Jackson by the public for so long that it would be awkward if I changed my last name." He сказал(-а) "that's okay; I understand! I was just always curious. It doesn't really matter to me whether или not Ты have my last name!"

April 15, 2015,

Kyle was gone go shopping and I was up in my room when the phone rang. I answered it and the person on the other end сказал(-а) "excuse me; I'm looking for Miss Jackson." I сказал(-а) "this is her." She responded "hello; I'm the principal at your son Carter's school." I asked "is everything okay?" She сказал(-а) "no; not really. Carter's been suspended and I need Ты to come pick him up." I сказал(-а) "suspended; what can Ты possibly suspend a first grader for doing?" She сказал(-а) "Carter was using foul language in front of the other children and inside his classroom. He was told several times not to say the things he was saying; but he just continued on." I сказал(-а) as I sighed "okay; I'll be there in a few минуты to pick him up."

Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to be walking around much, I had to go pick up Carter because Kyle was gone. After driving to the school, I climbed out of my truck and walked inside. I walked down to the principal's office and the secretary let me into the room. I casually walked in and Carter looked up at me with shame in his eyes. I looked at the principal and сказал(-а) as I grabbed Carter's arm "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I assure Ты that it won't happen again." She сказал(-а) "he suspended for a week of school. I'll see Ты then."

After Carter and I got into the truck, he looked at me in silence and I looked at him and he сказал(-а) "please don't tell daddy mommy!" I asked "what did Ты say in your classroom that got Ты in trouble?" He сказал(-а) "I told the teacher to shut the fuck up because she wouldn't stop complaining about my handwriting! Please don't tell daddy!" I rolled my eyes and сказал(-а) "don't worry; I won't because I know how it feels to get into trouble and I'm not the type of parent that's going to punish you. It's no big deal; I'll figure something out so daddy doesn't suspect anything weird going on!"

When we pulled into the driveway, Kyle had already gotten Главная and had parked his car Далее to my parking spot. The two of us walked inside and Kyle asked "where have Ты been AJ? Ты know you're not supposed to be out of bed! Why is Carter with you?" I сказал(-а) while thinking quickly "you must've forgotten that today starts April break for Carter! He doesn't have school for a whole week." Kyle сказал(-а) "I've been so busy making sure that you're okay AJ that I must've forgotten all about it!" As Kyle walked away, Carter gave me a secretive high-five and сказал(-а) "thanks for covering for me mommy!"

April 21, 2015,

I'm running out of things to do to keep myself busy because Kyle won't let me do anything other than stay up here in our bedroom all день every day! I decided to have him bring some of my childhood Главная Фильмы for us to watch together. He put one of the Фильмы in the VCR and pressed play:

Dated at the bottom of the screen January 5, 2005,

I was holding the camera and laughing hysterically as dad attempted to skateboard; but he could barely stand up on it. He сказал(-а) "I don't know about this AJ! It doesn't look safe! I don't know how Ты do this! It's moving around too much for me!" I сказал(-а) "dad; come on! You're being such a wimp! Once Ты get the hang of it, you'll be fine; trust me! It's not as hard as it looks!" He hopped off skateboard and сказал(-а) "I'll stick to dancing. I'm afraid that if I keep trying to skateboard on that thing I will crack my head open!" I сказал(-а) "you're going to be missing out; that's all I have to say about it." He сказал(-а) "all I know about skateboarding is that I better not catch Ты without your шлем on!" I сказал(-а) "yeah, yeah, yeah; I know dad! Ты don't have to give me a lecture!" He сказал(-а) "it may seem like I'm nagging you; but you'll thank me later!"

*Video ends*

I immediately started crying and Kyle asked "is it the pregnancy mood swings again?" I сказал(-а) "my dad was supposed to be here! He shouldn't have died! Being pregnant again only makes me miss him еще because it reminds me of how much he did for me when I was pregnant with Carter!" Kyle сказал(-а) "I wish there was something I could do to make Ты feel better! If Ты don't want to watch anymore Видео we don't have to." I сказал(-а) "I don't think I could handle watching another video with him in it. It's just too much for me to handle! I don't understand why I was just so mean to him when all he ever wanted was to make me a good person! I just keep going back to the день when I pretty much ditched him with Carter to go get drunk with some of my friends! I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't a good mom at all of the beginning! My dad pretty much took care of him on his own while I slept all день and drank all night! I hate to say it; but if my dad wasn't around to take care of Carter those last few months before he passed away I don't think I would have Carter today! He would probably be in the foster care system because I wouldn't have taken care of him! Looking back on it now, I treated my dad like a personal babysitter and I should have appreciated everything that he's done for me over the years! It wasn't fair to him! He didn't want to be a dad again and basically he was because I wasn't taking care of my son!" Kyle сказал(-а) "you really need to stop beating yourself up for that! That happened a long time назад and Ты heard what the psychic said! Your dad forgives Ты and he doesn't want Ты to feel guilty about stuff that happened before he died!" I сказал(-а) "I just don't understand why he had to die when I was only 15 years old and a teenage mother on вверх of that! He left me at the worst possible time and I wasn't at all prepared for the reality of how the real world worked! Anytime I ever got in trouble before, he would come to my rescue and now he isn't here anymore to protect me from how awful the world can be!" Kyle сказал(-а) "I know that if he had the choice to stay alive he would still be here! He even told Ты through the psychic that he wasn't ready to leave this world!" I сказал(-а) "I would do anything just to hug him one еще time!"

April 25, 2015,

Kyle came and asked with irritation in his voice "how long were Ты planning to lie to me?" I asked "what do Ты mean?" He сказал(-а) "Carter's school just called and asked me if we wanted someone to drop off the school work he's missed this week!" I сказал(-а) "I knew Ты would overreact and punish Carter from getting suspended! That's the whole reason I lied to Ты in the first place!" He сказал(-а) "I don't want this to turn into a fight because it's not good for Ты или the baby. All I'm saying is that if Ты don't start punishing him soon for misbehaving it will only get worse." I сказал(-а) "I realized that Kyle; but what he did wasn't that bad! I've done way worse when I was seven years old!"

Kyle called Carter into our bedroom and Kyle asked "how come Ты didn't tell me that Ты got suspended from school?" Carter сказал(-а) "mommy сказал(-а) it was no big deal! Ты just need to mind your own business daddy!” My eyes widened in shock by what had just come out of my son’s mouth. I сказал(-а) "don't talk to your dad like that Carter." Kyle just rolled his eyes in disbelief as Carter walked out of the room.

May 3, 2015,

Kyle came out of Carter's bedroom and сказал(-а) "I took the video game out of his room." I asked "why did Ты do that?" He сказал(-а) "because his teacher just called and he's been suspended again." I asked "what did he do this time?" Kyle сказал(-а) "he ran off of school grounds during recess and the teacher couldn't find him!" I сказал(-а) "maybe we should just take him out of school and start homeschooling him." Kyle сказал(-а) "that's not going to fix the problem AJ! What he really needs is for one of us to discipline him and since Ты won't let me do it you're going to have to!" I сказал(-а) "disciplining him isn't going to make a difference. I don't see it as a big deal because the teachers found him. I'm not going to discipline him for that Kyle!" Kyle сказал(-а) with irritation in his voice "so you're just going to leave me to pick up the pieces when you're gone on tour? I'll have to deal with him and a newborn baby all on my own; the way things are going he's going to be out of control by the time Ты leave! The principal сказал(-а) she would drop him off for us because I can't trust Ты to stay in постель, кровати like you're supposed to!"

Before long, Carter walked through the door and Kyle looked at me; expecting me to do something. I walked Carter into his room and shut the door behind us. I sat down on the постель, кровати Далее to him and сказал(-а) "I can't believe Ты walked off of school grounds Carter!" He сказал(-а) "whatever" and flopped backwards onto the bed. I сказал(-а) "it's not whatever Carter! Nobody knew where Ты were and Ты could have gotten hurt! Someone could've hurt Ты или kidnapped you! Do Ты know how sad your dad and I would have been if we Остаться в живых you?" Carter chuckled and сказал(-а) "I was only gone for a few минуты mommy!" I сказал(-а) sternly "I don't find this funny at all and Ты will be punished!" Carter сказал(-а) "yeah right; Ты wouldn't do that!" I asked "you want to bet?"

I removed the mounted flatscreen TV off of the Стена and walked out of the room. Once Carter realized what I was doing, he ran up to me and kicked me in my stomach right in front of Kyle. That's when Kyle flipped out! He shouted "DID Ты JUST KICK YOUR MOTHER IN THE STOMACH?" Carter immediately started crying at the sound of Kyle raising his voice at him because he's never done that before. I сказал(-а) "whoa Kyle; chill out! He's only seven!" Kyle сказал(-а) "go to your room Carter!" Carter ran off to his room and slammed the door.

Kyle asked frantically "are Ты okay? I can't believe he kicked Ты in your stomach; you're pregnant!" I сказал(-а) "I know you're scared for the baby; but that doesn't give Ты any excuse to scream at Carter like that! Ты saw his face; he was terrified of Ты and still is! I didn't expect Ты to traumatize him like that! He's never been exposed to that sort of reaction before! I don't appreciate Ты Актёрское искусство like that towards him and I think Ты should apologize to him! That was totally uncalled for!"

Kyle felt terrible as he walked into Carter's bedroom and saw him hysterically crying on his bed. Kyle knelt down Далее to him and сказал(-а) "I didn't mean to scare Ты Carter. I'm sorry buddy! Ты just can't kick mommy in the stomach like that because it could've hurt the baby. That's the only reason why I screamed at you; but I won't do it again because I know it was wrong!" Carter sat up and сказал(-а) "that was really scary how your face turned red!"

Kyle decided to leave the room because he was feeling awful and I think he actually wanted to cry. I sat down on the постель, кровати and looked around the room. I proceeded to give my son a lecture; which is something I thought I would never do. I сказал(-а) "if your behavior doesn't get better soon I'm going to start making Ты go to school at home; like I had originally planned." Carter сказал(-а) "but Ты can't do that because I have so many friends! I Любовь going to school!" I сказал(-а) "if I want to do that than I have the right as your mother to do so." Carter asked eagerly "if I say I'm sorry for getting suspended from school and kicking Ты do I get my TV back?" I сказал(-а) "yes; a week from now! Nice try though!"

I shut Carter's bedroom door after setting him up with a game on my laptop. I stood outside the doorway and slid my back down the Стена as I sat down on the ground. Kyle came over with tears in his eyes and sat down Далее to me. He put his arm around me and сказал(-а) "I'm so sorry AJ! I never intended to scream at him like that! I guess I just got caught up in the moment and overreacted!" I stared off into Космос and Kyle asked "what's wrong?" I сказал(-а) softly under my breath "I just realized how much I sounded like my dad when I was punishing Carter just now. Oh my God; that's freaking me out! I sounded exactly like he did when he was punishing me!" Kyle laughed and сказал(-а) "I bet Ты never thought in 1 million years that Ты would lecture your son just like your dad did with Ты for 15 years!"

May 13, 2015,

I was going through some old stuff in the attic while Carter looked through some boxes for something to play with. He came across a book and passed it to me. I asked "what's this buddy?" He сказал(-а) "I don't know; but it has your name on it. I looked at the front cover of what appeared to be a фото album with the words "daddy's little tomboy" written in marker across the top.

Carter sat on my lap as I started to flip through the pages. He pointed to a picture of dad and I in the swimming pool and asked "who is that? Why are they in our swimming pool?" I сказал(-а) as I chuckled "that's me when I was your age and your Papa!" He asked with a puzzled look on his face "why are Ты guys in our swimming pool?" I сказал(-а) "this is where I grew up Carter! My daddy raised me here just like daddy and I are raising Ты here!" Carter joked "you grew up mommy? Ты still act like a big kid!" I smiled and сказал(-а) "yeah; I guess I really didn't grow up after all!"

As we looked at the various photos, Carter asked "what was your daddy like?" I just sat there in silence for what felt like forever trying to process what he had just asked me. I сказал(-а) as a single tear ran down my face "he was the best daddy ever!" He asked "why are Ты crying mommy?" I сказал(-а) "it's okay to cry." I wiped my tear filled eyes as Carter asked "do Ты have any good stories Ты can tell me about Papa?" I moved the two of us off of the ground and sat down with Carter still on my lap in a really comfortable reclining chair. I сказал(-а) "plenty of good stories!" Carter asked "can Ты tell me some of them?" I сказал(-а) "of course I will!"

I started by saying "I remember one time when I was almost 3 when your Papa took me to Disneyland right before uncle Prince was born. It was only the секунда time I ever remember going to Disneyland and I remember that I was scared of Mickey Mouse. I wouldn't let go of your Papa's leg and was screaming at the вверх of my lungs! Then he would whisper in my ear and tell me that everything was going to be okay! That he would never let anything happen to me! That there was nothing to be afraid of because he was there to protect me!" I started crying hysterically with Carter still on my lap as I recalled those exact words coming out of my father's mouth.

I moved Carter off of my lap and said" I'm sorry Carter; I can't talk about him anymore! I'll be back in a few minutes. Why don't Ты go watch TV in your room for a while? I'm going to go to my room. Carter сказал(-а) "I'm sorry I made Ты cry mommy."

I ran up to our bedroom just as Kyle was getting dressed and collapsed onto the постель, кровати in a mess of emotions that Kyle had never witnessed coming from me before. He lay down Далее to me and asked "oh my God; what's wrong babe?" I started hyperventilating and forced out of the words "I think – I'm having – a panic – attack!" He сказал(-а) "just take deep breaths; calm down!" I сказал(-а) "I can't do this without my dad!" Kyle asked "you can't do what without your dad?" I сказал(-а) "I can't live life without him!" He сказал(-а) "yes Ты can! You've been doing pretty good!" I сказал(-а) "he was supposed to be there for all of this! We got married and he wasn't physically there! I'm going to be having another baby and he won't even get to meet Addison! Carter doesn't even know really who his grandfather is; even though I tried so hard to keep his memory alive. I guess I just don't want to let my dad go! I can't be at peace with him being gone! Okay; I admit it! I needed him and I still need him! I JUST WANT MY DADDY; THAT'S ALL I WANT! I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME! I KNOW I'M 21 YEARS OLD; BUT I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME LIKE I'M FIVE YEARS OLD AGAIN AND NEVER LET GO! I don't miss my dad; I MISS MY DADDY! The daddy that tucked me into постель, кровати every night; even when I was a teenager he still did that! The daddy that always told me that he loved me; no matter what I did! The daddy that cut my Еда for me when I was little! The daddy that tied my shoes for me and then spent hours teaching me how to tie them on my own! The daddy that consoled me when I woke up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream! The daddy that wiped my –." Kyle widened his eyes with an awkward look on his face and сказал(-а) "I can see where this is going!" I burst out laughing and сказал(-а) "I was going to say nose!" Kyle breathed sigh of relief and сказал(-а) "oh thank God!" I сказал(-а) as I chuckled "I'm not excluding what Ты thought as a possibility when I was younger he did do that; when I was a toddler! Anyway; my point is that I realized that I don't miss my dad at all! Who I really miss is my daddy! The sad thing is that I pushed my daddy away a long time ago; when he was still alive! He would always try to reconnect with me after I turned into a teenager; but I didn't want to spend any time with him!"

Kyle moved me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He сказал(-а) "I know that I'll never be as good as Michael was; but I'm not going anywhere! Everything is going to be okay and Ты can do this! We can do this! You're not alone!"

September 22, 2015,

I shook Kyle out of the deep sleep he was in and сказал(-а) "it's time Kyle!" He asked as he yawned "time for me to get Ты some еще food?" I сказал(-а) "no; it's time for Ты to take me to the hospital! I woke up a few минуты назад to go to the bathroom and my water broke when I got back into bed."

Kyle immediately jumped out of постель, кровати and сказал(-а) "oh my God! What are we going to do with Carter?" I сказал(-а) "my brother’s phone number is on speed dial and I already told him to be prepared to come over here and watch Carter if this happened in the middle of the night. Don't worry; I already called him and he's on his way. Actually, I think he just pulled into the driveway.

Kyle did something that I definitely wasn't expecting. He picked me up and cradled me in his arms as he ran out the door. Prince asked as he chuckled "what the heck are Ты carrying AJ for Kyle? Her water broke; she's not paralyzed!" Kyle сказал(-а) frantically "there's no time to talk; we're having a baby anytime now!" Kyle practically threw the house keys out of the car window as we sped down the road. Kyle asked "are Ты okay? The baby isn't coming yet is it?" I сказал(-а) "don't worry; she's not going anywhere unless I start pushing." Kyle сказал(-а) "whatever Ты do; please don't push! I don't want to be another news story about a father her delivers his baby on the side of the road!" I сказал(-а) "calm down Kyle; I'm еще calm than Ты are and I'm in a lot of pain!" He сказал(-а) "sorry; I'm just excited and nervous all at once!"

After a nurse took us to a hospital room, we sat there waiting for the doctor to come in. After she arrived, she сказал(-а) "oh my God; this baby is going to come out any секунда now! Ты didn't start pushing yet; did you?" I сказал(-а) "no; why?" She сказал(-а) "the baby's head in already all the way out! I have a feeling you're only going to need to push once! I was going to offer Ты the epidural; but there's no time!" I сказал(-а) as I recalled the tremendous pain I was in from giving birth to Carter without the epidural "I don't want to do this without some sort of numbing medication!" She сказал(-а) "you don't really have a choice at this point! We just have to get this baby out as soon as possible! Trust me; it's not going to be as bad as the first time because all Ты need is push a little bit and the baby will be out."

Sure enough, without even really trying; our daughter was brought into this world. Kyle looked over and сказал(-а) "she has my hair; she's pretty much bald though.” One of the nurses passed her to Kyle and he started to cry as he looked down at her. He brought her up to me and сказал(-а) "here's our little miracle baby! Addison Avery Lester." I took her out of his arms and сказал(-а) "I can't believe Ты and I created something so beautiful together!" The Doctor сказал(-а) "she seems really healthy; Ты can go Главная with her today if Ты want to!"

After signing a release form, Kyle and I walked out to his car and he started trying to figure out how to install the car seat. I chuckled as he Рапунцель - Запутанная история himself up with the seatbelt in the back сиденье, место, сиденья and сказал(-а) "I thought Ты would've practiced this a few times; before we brought her home!" He сказал(-а) "I think I figured it out; go ahead." I buckled her into the car сиденье, место, сиденья after sitting down Далее to it and Kyle started the car.

I сказал(-а) "I have a feeling that Carter will be sleeping still; by the time we get back to the house. It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I don't think we shouldWake him up." Kyle сказал(-а) "Prince must've woken him up because I can see him through the windows in front of the house and he's watching TV."

Kyle walked behind me while he carried the car сиденье, место, сиденья with Addison inside it. Carter waited patiently while Prince took his niece over to him. Carter held Addison for a lot longer than I expected him to. He сказал(-а) "I'm so excited that I'm a big brother!" I сказал(-а) "that means you're going to have to help take care of Addison with daddy while I'm on tour starting in a few months. That reminds me of something; Kyle when are Ты going to start decorating Paris's old bedroom into the nursery for Addison?" He сказал(-а) "Addison can stay in our room until after Ты leave on tour and that way it can be a surprise for Ты when Ты get home. Trust me; it'll be worth the wait! I'm going to make the most perfect nursery anyone could ever imagine for my little girl! In the meantime, let's appreciate the last four months before Ты leave on your tour because after that I'm going to be taking care of two kids all on my own for nine months straight. Surprisingly, I'm looking вперед to it!"