What are some of the funniest Цитаты Ты have heard?

Everything in A Very Potter Musical

Here's one thing from it:
Harry: C'mon Malfoy, just get out of here please
Draco: Where are we supposed to go?
Harry: I don't know, uh, Pigfarts
Draco: Hahaha, hoho, now you're just being cute. I can't GO to Pigfarts, it's ON MARS. Ты need a rocketship! Do Ты have a rocketship, Potter? I bet Ты do. Ты know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died. Oh, look at this! Look at it! Look it! Rocketship Potter! Oh, oh! Starkid Potter, Moonshoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!

And another:
Quirrell: Listen, if we're going to be in this situation for a while, we're going to have to learn how to live with eachother. Now, I've been single for all of my life, and I have some habits, and sometimes I leave dirty laundry around!
Voldemort: Well, I believe everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do your clothes! Namely, a dresser!

The Office has the best funny Цитаты ever, for example:
-" That's what she said"
-" Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends."
-" There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if Ты die Dwight, how will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, Ты guys have been dead for weeks.""
-" The огонь is shooting at us! "
-"I think we broke his brain."

watch the movie Zoolander if Ты want some funny quotes. if i just tell Ты the quotes, they will make no sense, but they are hiarious!

"You must be losing it Mulder - I can beat Ты up with one arm!"
"Isn't that how Ты like to beat yourself? - Wait! If those were my last words, I can do better!" xD
- Mulder and Krycek (x-files) in episode "The red and the black". Those two are hilarios! xD

The True Man wants two things: Danger and Play. For that reason he wants Women, as they are the most dangerous "Plaything." ~Freidrich Nietzsche

how can Ты be scared of something that isn't scary? like, being scared of happiness. или popsicles. how can anyone in their right mind be scared of a popsicle? you'd have to sit and think of the negatives. it's cold. sometimes sticky. also can be "not good for you". but a popsicle tastes good, and can make Ты happy. it can cool Ты off. a popsicle wont hurt you, или be mean to you. a popsicle cant say bad things about you. popsicles aren't scary, but we can find reasons to be scared. don't be scared of popsicles.
:P

- There are worse things in life than death. Have Ты ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
- Im astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when its hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
-If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen

Just thought I would share this.
Haha!

-He was waving his window out of the arm.

^ Любовь it. <3

"Buddy the elf .... whats ur Избранное color???" and of course.... "a bunch of COTTON HEADED NINNY MUFFINS!" ...... hehe buddy rocks!!!

Never argue with an idiot, they'll just drag Ты down to their level and beat Ты with experience

"Great is a horrible word. Now, awesome would be great!" - Futurama

this is my ringtone.its on my iphone.no Ты dont have one.youre on verizon.i waited in line.thats how i got mine.