(Note: If Ты are at all offended with these jokes, then good. That is exactly what I wanted to do. However, if Ты wish to lynch me, I can't blame you) Tonight on Fux News, a secret is found. Do Ты wanna know what is the biggest problem in the world. It’s not massive violence, it’s not disease, its not world hunger. This thing is so terrible, it makes human trafficking, child abuse, and that Jack and Jill movie with Adam Sandler look like a breeze. I’m talking about video games. Let me give Ты a little history on video games. back in 1972, the devil himself, Nolan Bushnell, rose from the depths of Hell to bring us the game that possessed children everywhere. That game… was Pong. After that, we have had so many evil events happen thanks to Pong. Pong caused the terrorist attack at the Olympic Games in Munich. But, that was only the beginning. In 1977, the evil game-making cult known as Atari created the Atari 2600, which possessed children, and had them spin their heads around. However, kids still bought it, while Atari made money off their evil religion. Then, еще games came by, paving the way for evil crimes worldwide. Космос Invaders caused the Jonestown Massacre. Pac-Man caused the assassination of John Lennon. And Donkey Kong caused AIDS. Tetris caused Indira Gandhi to be killed by her two bodyguards. But, then came the biggest problem this country has ever faced. Worse than slavery, worse than the Civil War, worse than the Great Depression, and even worse than World War II. I am talking about the creation of the Nintendo Entertainment System, или NES for short. Once it was made, the famine in Ethiopia occurred, Dian Fossey was murdered, Rock Hudson dies of AIDS, again, caused by Donkey Kong, The Night Stalker starts a killing spree… and, sure, We Are The World, a song made for charity, came out at the exact same time. But, we’re Fux News, so we are always right. We сказал(-а) that My Little пони Фаны were a bunch of fat geeks who need to die, so I say we’re right. We’re the mature ones, and those who don’t agree are gay stupid poopy heads. Now, back on topic. But then, in the год 1989, Nintendo created the Game Boy, just so they can spread their evil disease across America some more. Once this thing came out, Exxon Valdez spills millions of oil into the ocean. And this was all caused because they all got the idea from Nintendo, who are a cult еще massively evil then Atari. Then, in 1991, a company called Sega creates a new demon known as Sonic the Hedgehog. after his creation, the Bosnian Genocide begins. But, in 1993 came Mortal Kombat, a game filled with blood and gore. This game caused an uproar… but, its not a family friendly game, so there is no way this game is connected with the Devil. So, this game is free from any of our facts. Some call it opinions, but we say to you, we’re smarter than you, so its a fact. But, in 1995 came the Playstation, a device that must have been crafted by the minds murderers, satanists, and all kinds of bad people. And I have proof, because, on the same год this was released, we had the Oklahoma City Bombing, Sarin Gas Attack in Tokyo Subway, the deadliest subway disaster in the Baku Metro in Azerbaijan, the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin, and, worst of all, O.J. Simpson was found not guilty for murder. Why is that the worse… Well, he’s black, obviously. And we here at Fux News knows that black is the color of a killer. But, then, in 1998, Nintendo struck again with Ocarina of Time. When this game came out…… Um…… The Титаник movie came ou- No, that’s not bad…. I got it, when this game came out, it caused Stalin to go into power. Yeah, its THAT bad. But, then, in the год 2001, a new demonic relique by the name of XBox came out. And, before Ты ask, yes, it DID cause the terrorist attack of 2001. And it was all because of video games. And, in 2008, a game known as Grand Theft Auto IV came out. This game caused everything wrong in the world. It caused. It caused Космос Shuttle Columbia disaster. It caused the train bombings in Madrid. It caused the suicide bombings in London. It caused the black African Rhino to go extinct- Well, he was black, so its not too bad for us here at Fux News. It caused the global economic depression. It caused high oil prices. It caused Obama to be president. It caused another oil spill in the Golf of Mexico. And no, its not Gulf, its Golf. We’re Fux News, so we’re right. It caused Hurricane Sandy. It caused the Boston Bombing. It caused Charles Manson. It caused Jack the Ripper. It caused Ivan the Terrible. It caused Hitler. HITLER, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! It even causes all of humanity to be wiped out by the machines, and the few that survived are fighting in a group called The Freedom Fighters lead by John Connor, who sends The Терминатор back in time to save his mother and- Hey, what are Ты doing in the studio? Who let this gaming cultist in here- What’s with the bat. No, stay away. STAY AW- OW! AH! AH, GOD! OW! NO, THAT’S MY RIBS! AHHH -Please Stand By-