Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always макси pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ или Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding или сальса dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the пляж, пляжный in tight, white shorts. But my Избранное feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that макси pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell Ты how безопасно, сейф and secure I feel each месяц knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have Ты ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing Ты haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few минуты from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with нож skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, Ты must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. Ты surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, Ты of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always макси pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”
Are Ты fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a день in which Ты have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so Ты don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting винтовка and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the Любовь of God, pull your head out, man. If Ты just have to slap a moronic message on a макси pad, wouldn’t it make еще sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” или “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? или are Ты just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one минута miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
See? This person had the guts to write that. now, i thank them and also insist for your health, no riffles, hammers, или running over people. now, u got that?
I have been a loyal user of your Always макси pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ или Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding или сальса dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the пляж, пляжный in tight, white shorts. But my Избранное feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that макси pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell Ты how безопасно, сейф and secure I feel each месяц knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have Ты ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing Ты haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few минуты from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with нож skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, Ты must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. Ты surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, Ты of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always макси pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”
Are Ты fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a день in which Ты have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so Ты don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting винтовка and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the Любовь of God, pull your head out, man. If Ты just have to slap a moronic message on a макси pad, wouldn’t it make еще sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” или “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? или are Ты just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one минута miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
See? This person had the guts to write that. now, i thank them and also insist for your health, no riffles, hammers, или running over people. now, u got that?
