From another email I received. Just for fun!
EMPLOYEE MEMO
Dress Code
1. It is advised that Ты come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see Ты wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume Ты are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If Ты dress poorly, Ты need to learn to manage your money better, so that Ты may buy nicer clothes, and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
3. If Ты dress just right, Ты are right where Ты need to be and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If Ты are able to go to the doctor, Ты are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 days off a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time in the toilet.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the toilet door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your секунда offence, your picture will be Опубликовано on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank Ты for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
EMPLOYEE MEMO
Dress Code
1. It is advised that Ты come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see Ты wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume Ты are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If Ты dress poorly, Ты need to learn to manage your money better, so that Ты may buy nicer clothes, and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
3. If Ты dress just right, Ты are right where Ты need to be and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If Ты are able to go to the doctor, Ты are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 days off a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time in the toilet.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the toilet door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your секунда offence, your picture will be Опубликовано on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank Ты for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
From another email I received. Just for fun!
EMPLOYEE MEMO
Dress Code
1. It is advised that Ты come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see Ты wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume Ты are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If Ты dress poorly, Ты need to learn to manage your money better, so that Ты may buy nicer clothes, and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
3. If Ты dress just right, Ты are right where Ты need to be and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If Ты are able to go to the doctor, Ты are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 days off a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time in the toilet.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the toilet door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your секунда offence, your picture will be Опубликовано on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank Ты for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
EMPLOYEE MEMO
Dress Code
1. It is advised that Ты come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see Ты wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume Ты are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If Ты dress poorly, Ты need to learn to manage your money better, so that Ты may buy nicer clothes, and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
3. If Ты dress just right, Ты are right where Ты need to be and therefore Ты do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If Ты are able to go to the doctor, Ты are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 days off a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time in the toilet.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the toilet door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your секунда offence, your picture will be Опубликовано on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank Ты for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.