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posted by Canada24
Lets review the only movie of the series, that isn't complete shit.
A series starting with the stupidest moment is the акула jumping on the boat.. I mean WHAT!?
And ends with a акула roaring, fucking roaring,
And a man escaping a plane being dragged down by a акула and escapes without a scratch "and nobody asking how". And that Sharks travel thousands of miles for revenge, and turns out the сказал(-а) revenge was poorly planned out, cause Michael literary jumps into the water, and Jaws swims away, even though the entire point of Jaws coming all that way, was the sole purpose of killing Michael.

Anyway, here's my sarcastic review of a famish movie that caused Sharks too be hunted down, and for people too make so many акула movies, Ты wanna take the makers of Jaws and slap them across the face, saying, "YOU CREATED MONSTERS!"

So, let's get this mockery started..
And yes.. I seen this movie before.. Grew up with it еще или less.. Dad showed me it.. And ever sense, I been one traumatized kid..

Anyway, here we go..

During a late-night пляж, пляжный party on Amity Island, a young woman goes skinny dipping (just because). While treading water, she is violently pulled under by a unseen force.
Okay.. All kidding aside.. NOT seeing Bruce the shark, is WAY scarier.. It's why we're all so scared. We can't friggin see it.
It sure screwed ME up.

Anyway, with the murder being all over the news.
The new Police chief, Brody, demands the пляж, пляжный closed.
But the Mayor overrules him because.. Well.. He's a fucking idiot.

So, as expected, another акула related murder takes place. And Brody shuts down the beach.
And the town is mad at him, demanding the пляж, пляжный too be open.
What were Ты all smoking weed while the poor little boy was being murdered?

Than again, that would explain why nobody reacted too it, least till the saw the blood. Not when the kid was screaming two feet away from them.

Anyway, thinking Brody is being paranoid, yeah. Only paranoid.. That's clearly why two people are found dead within the same week.
Local fishermen catch a large tiger shark, the mayor proclaims the beaches safe, because, Ты know, "death = еще money".

Hooper disputes it being the same predator, confirming this after no human remains are found inside it. Hooper and Brody find a half-sunken fisherman's vessel while searching the night waters in Hooper's boat. Underwater, Hooper retrieves a sizable great white shark's tooth embedded in the submerged hull, but drops it after being startled by the fisherman's corpse (an "good" jump scare).

Mayor discounts Brody and Hooper's claims that a huge great white акула is responsible, even though people fucking SAW it kill a kid, and refuses to close the beaches.
How did this guy even become mayor? He's either a sociopath, или the stupidest person alive.

On the Fourth of July weekend, tourists pack the beaches. Following a juvenile prank (dicks), the real акула (Bruce) enters a nearby estuary, leading to my favourite scene.
We briefly see Bruce, as he kills his Далее victim.
That always scared me the most in this movie, never got that vision out of my head.
Though the leg kinda ruined it for me.
But for some unexplained reason, bruce doesn't kill Michael. Just swims bye. Leaving him traumatized.

Skip ahead.
Quint, Brody and Hooper set out on Quint's boat, the Orca, to hunt Bruce.
While Brody lays down a chum line, Quint waits for an opportunity to hook the shark. Without warning, Bruce appears behind the boat, leading too Brody's famish line, and Quint estimates its length at 25 feet (7.6 m). Quint harpoons the акула with a tethered barrel but it drags the barrel underwater and disappears.

At nightfall, as the three swap stories, the Bruce returns unexpectedly, ramming the boat's hull and killing the power. The men work through the night repairing the engine. In the morning, Brody attempts to call the Coast Guard, but Quint smashes the radio, enraging Brody.

After a long chase, Quint harpoons another barrel into the shark. The line is tied to the stern, but the Bruce drags the лодка backwards, swamping the deck and flooding the engine compartment, forcing Quint to sever the line to prevent the transom from being pulled out. He then heads toward shore, intending to lure the акула to shallower waters and suffocate it, but the overtaxed engine quits.

With the Orca slowly sinking, the trio attempt a riskier approach: Hooper dons scuba gear and enters the water in a shark-proof cage, intending to lethally inject the акула with strychnine using a hypodermic spear. The акула demolishes the cage before Hooper can inject it, but he manages to escape to the seabed.
Little known fact. Hooper dies in the actual book.

Anyway, Bruce then attacks the лодка directly, LITERARY jumping the shark, by jumping on the boat, and devouring Quint.

Trapped on the sinking vessel, Brody stuffs a pressurized scuba tank into the Bruce's mouth, and shoots the tank with Quint's rifle, giving the OTHER famish line. before blowing the fucking shit out of Bruce.

With Bruce gone, Hooper resurfaces, and he and Brody paddle to Amity Island clinging to лодка wreckage.

And that's Jaws.. Still holds up.. I really like this one..
#1: HOYT VOLKER:
Why do I Любовь this guy so much!?
He is a evil dictator, who murders and tortures innocent tourists. And cares only about two things.
* Himself
* Money
Even Vaas is afraid of him. A man who makes Trevor look "sane"..


#2: VLADIMIR MAKAROV:
Makarov started WW3, simply because he COULD..


#3: EDDIE LOW:
ddie Low is a Болталка character who appears in Grand Theft Auto IV. He is a pedophilic, necrophiliac serial killer operating in Liberty City. The player encounters him on two occasions as Niko Bellic, who assists him (unaware of what type of person Eddie is).
But Eddie later makers the mistake...
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After recommending a few games to my hetero lifemate, Canada24, I thought “You know… I should annoy him by giving him some Аниме to watch”. Now, I know Canada isn’t the best when it comes to understanding Japanese culture, so I need to be as careful as I possibly can with this list. Like disarming a bomb. Only this will probably leave a lot less casualties if I fuck up. So, seeing as how this will never make the front page, I am going to put little effort into this opening and just get started.

#10: Samurai Champloo



I do not expect Canada to ever watch this anime. This is just one...
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#1:
The Major: My friends, it has often been сказал(-а) that I like war. My friends, I like war. No, friends, I Любовь war!


#2:
The Major: Here it comes, I can feel it. A mighty river, a river of death. *laughs* The dead, ha, shall dance... AND ALL OF HELL SHALL SING!!


#3:
Major: Our purpose, is the total absence of purpose.. Ты should be aware, Fräulein, that there are some people in this world, some irredeemable louts, for whom the means do not require an end. I speak, of course, of myself.
Maxwell: (to Major) Your insane..
Major: Did I just hear someone from Iscariot questioning my sanity? Then...
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added by Canada24
added by Dreamtime
added by Canada24
#1: ON SET WITH HOMIES:
Jimmy is a minor character on Grown Ups 2, and he made a pretend tour video of what it's like being on set.
But everyone hates him.
Example:
Girl: So who the hell is Jimmy?
Guy: I KNOW RIGHT!!... GOD HE JUST COMES OUT OF NOWHERE!!


#2: 22 JUMP улица, уличный TRAILER:
Due to his big role in this movie. He's been asked to make trailer of it. And they give him ten million dollars to do so.
Sadly.
What Tatro gives them is complete crap.
Jonah холм, хилл and Channing Tatrum both die, and Rooster must save the world from a alien invasion that is NOTHING to do with the plot of the film..


#3: THAT...
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posted by Canada24
Ganger is one of the main villains of THE STORY OF DITTO and DITTO RETURNS..

His full backstory is never revealed.
Most known about his past, is that he worked as one of the canterlot guards..


STORY ONE (the story of Ditto)

Ganger is much less evil in story one.
As the readers can somewhat sympathise with him, due to being turned into an Changeling against his will.
But he still has fairly villainous scenes.
Most notably, is when he nearly turns радуга Dash into a changeling, and calls her a сука before doing so (the word itself isn't fully shown)


STORY TWO (Ditto Returns)

From here, Ganger becomes...
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#10: STEVEN STONE (Scream 3):
He was probably dick actually.
But still dosen't make any less easy to see Patrick Walburton be murdered, by a rather pathetic killer..
At least he didn't go down 'easy', he nearly succeed in strangling Ghostface to death, despite having been stabbed in the back with sharp knife. But of coarse. Ghostface manages to defeat him.. Other wise the movie would be over "literary" before it even started..

#9: TYE (see no evil):
There's little I remember about this movie.
But as I remember I was starting to really like the black character Tye.
But then he has to go and take...
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#1: REN HOEX:
I think I use to like this guy.
I certainly Любовь the voice every time I watch Youtube clips of this show. He's actually HILARIOUS..
But, as expected, ADULT PARTY took his well known insanity WAY too far. Making him a TORTURE PORN.
Quite lterary.
I mean torturing other living creatures is PORN to him. He fucking masturbates towards the misery and suffering of others in the adult party verison. That kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it?
But as I remember, even in the original. Ren wasn't excatly a "pleasant person".
We all loved him.
But still.. His villainish acts contain the following......
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FIVE YEARS EARLIER:

It was a cold, dark, rainy afternoon. Perfect for the mood everyone was in.

Everyone was gathered around a gravestone. On it read...

"Kate Mcreary - 1980 to 2008"

But nothing else was written against the grave, no Комментарий like Ты would see on many gravestones. It just сказал(-а) her name and the dates. Nothing to interesting.

"I never thought this would happen... I never fucking thought it... Kate.. sweet, innocent Katie... She didn't diserve it.. She never hurt anyone!... She didn't do nothing to nobody. It was us McReary men who were the sinners. We're paying for that ourselves,...
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#1:
Pagan Min: I distinctly remember saying, "Stop the bus." Not "shoot the bus." "*Stop* the bus." I'm very particular with my words. "Stop." "Shoot." "Stop." "Shoot." Do those words sound the same?
Officer: But it got out of control...
Pagan Min: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What did Ты say?
Officer: It got out of control.
Pagan Min: "Got out of control." I hate when things get out of control.
[stabs the soldier with a pen, throws him to the ground and continues stabbing him]
Pagan Min: (while stabbing him) Ты had one fucking job and Ты couldn't fucking do that!
[sits]
Pagan Min: And I got blood...
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#1:
"[narrating] My children... from the very beginning, it was the children who gave me my power. The Springwood Slasher, that's what they called me. My reign of terror was legendary. Dozens of children would fall by my blades. Then the parents of Springwood came for me, taking justice into their own hands. When I was alive, I might have been a little naughty, but after they killed me, I became something much, much worse. The stuff nightmares are made of. The children still feared me, and their fear gave me the power to invade their dreams, and that's when the fun REALLY began. Until they figured...
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The Название сказал(-а) it?
So if Ты haven't seen the new episode.. Stop now, final warning..

Anyway.. Before I start.. Let me say. Having finally seen season 6.. It was awesome.. Walking dead always has awesome battles, it's why I like it (well why I ORIGINALLY liked it) but it usually takes forever too get too them.
Season 6 is amazing.. Battle after battle after battle.. And GOOD battle scenes. Intense ones.

Anyway.. Now for the Вопросы Ты been waiting for..

-------------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT DID I THINK OF SIMON?



I сказал(-а) before, how excited I was too see...
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#1: GIVE IT EVERYTHING:
It's kinda hard to summarize this story, but basically it's a set of emails, where a man gets a mysterious dog on his front yard, holding a sign saying "give it everything", and gave it too his son. But the kid begins Актёрское искусство weird after that. And the dog watches him sleep, not in a cute way, but disturbing way.
In each email, the writer becomes еще and еще paranoid.
I won't spoil much, so your have to read the story.
But it's scarier than Ты think.. Especially when THATCREEPYREADING reads it to you..


#2: NO HOMOPHONES:
The narrator is fucking NUTS. As a kid, he got...
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#1: MAKE PAYNE 3 - узи (or Micro SMG if Ты prefer):
I never played the others. I play Max Payne 3 as it's OWN game.. The 3rd games gives enough to understand the character.. His family is dead, he's rarely serious, he has a serious temper issue, but he's a decent human being, even though he believes he's NOT.
Anyway. Max seems to prefer hand weapons.
In all cutscenes, if your using a shotgun или machine gun, he will hold it in his other hand while holding a handgun as the actual weapon, and after each cut scene Ты always have to switch back to it. Something that confused the first time, I did...
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#1: JOHN WICK:
It's еще than just a few drops of blood.. It's people being tortured, body parts breaking, necks snapping. And even a cute щенок gets murdered, crawled over to it's owner to die Далее to him.. it's a depressing scene. But John finds the guy who did it, and shoots him in GTA 4 style..


#2: THE EQUALIZER:
Denzel Washington protrays a retired black op. Who never actually uses guns. But instead uses drills, sledge hammers.. ANYTHING really.. Too bad there's no chainsaw around.
And the villain is actually scary in this movie. He violently beats a man to death. And it's easily one of the...
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#1:
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard. I'm sorry to upset your plans, but...
Elizabeth's Father: Plans did Ты say? My one and only plan, dear girl, is to see Ты as happy as possible, and I would never dream of forcing Ты to do something Ты don't want to.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Unless it was the beginning of the movie in which case I сказал(-а) Ты had no choice.
Critic: (as a scene of Elizabeth and her father hugging plays) Seriously, what did she do different? She made the same argument she did before. In fact, it's actually less angry. Are Ты honestly telling...
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Yes..
James Rolfe is the one who's еще popular, and probably was on Youtube FIRST. Doug Walker probably came second.

And yes..
They have еще или less the SAME humour. They're both portrayed as Anti-Heroes.
NERD is portrayed as an foul mouthed, abusive, mentally insane, alcoholic.
And CRETIC is portrayed as equally short tempered, abusive, insane, and foul mouthed.

But somehow, I find Nostalgia Critic a bit funnier than Angry Video Game Nerd.

I guess it's Doug Walker's voice.
He has that high pitched voice, that make the angry rants that much funnier.

But I don't NOT like Nerd.
He's still funny.. Hell, he's hilarious.
Cretic is just a bit еще hilarious..