Остаться в живых Parody #10 - Twilight - Season Finale

Dear Ms. Meyer,

Hi. I’m Tria. It’s nice to meet you. As Ты have probably guessed, I am Письмо to Ты concerning your series known as “The Twilight Saga.” If you’ll forgive me for being rude, I’d like to be blunt.

You fail.

Again, apologies for my rudeness. If you’ll allow me, I’m going to back up this assumption of your literary failure.

Let’s start with the plots, looking at each book individually, and then the Книги as a whole.
Twilight: Barely has a plot. The book is 300 или so pages of nothing happening besides mooning on about Edward and his eyes. Then Ты throw in three...

After Чтение the post "Bella as a heroine should be illegal" by bendaimmortal, it got me thinking. Obviously, no-one would consider Bella лебедь a heroine. If Ты do, Ты have got a really great deal of imagination, или a warped sense of the world. Because, and I'm sure most Twilight Фаны would agree, the girl didn't do anything at all. Save being overly dramatic and being the damsel in distress.

What about the Cullens then? What about Carlisle, Alice, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett? What about He-Who-Sparkles-In-Broad-Daylight? Would they be considered heroes/heroines?

No.

I say that the Cullens...

Note: It’s important for me to communicate that I don’t know the Автор of Twilight или her family personally and I do not intend them any insult; this Статья is purely academic speculation inspired by a story which will remain a timeless work of art. It is the emotional accessibility of the work which makes commentary such as this possible. I may be projecting the whole thing… But that’s exactly why Twilight is so successful, because it invites us so welcomingly into the story!

Every Фан knows the story of the Twilight Saga.
There are many theories as to what makes the story such a pop-culture...

Soo, I read Twilight in 2005 and seriously thought it was the best thing I'd ever read, and never thought I'd read anything better. How young and stupidly naive I was!

When I first bought it, it was treasured, as were New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn & all the money wasting merchandise I purchased to. But over the past 2 years, I've seen the Фан base grow and grow and GROW into something that is just pretty hectic and down right ridiculous.

I personally feel sorry for the cast, especially Robert Pattinson. Poor guy, can't even walk out his front door without being mobbed. There's such thing...

Disclaimer: The Название of the Статья may seem to be a bit strange, as most of my Статьи that I have Опубликовано on here are usually issues I have with the Twilight Saga, but I decided that myself as an anti, wanted to write about things I actually do like about the series. Guarantee, I actually do think Stephanie Meyer did create some characters in this series, and I just wanted to Список my вверх 8. This will be in no particular order.
* * *
Jasper Hale

If hypothetically, I were to meet the Cullen, I would think that Jasper would be the only one I probably be remotely afraid of in any sort of way. Or...

I’ve read many lists pointing out Twilight “Plot Holes”, but еще often than not, the lists aren’t very valid at all. Half of them are usually just complaints, pointing out something they don’t like about Twilight (Example:” Why would Вампиры go to high school?”, или “Why does Bella have so many friends?”). The rest are just factually incorrect, или can be logically theorized. These are usually followed by “Stephenie Meyer obviously ditched history class”, или “Hasn’t Stephenie ever heard of logic?”, или my personal favorite, “I would know, I had a lesson about it...

*Most I made up, a few I admit I saw on a video but I stated these ways in my own words so it is therefore not plagiarism*

1) Tell a fangirl that you'll send her a T-shirt with rare pictures of Edward Cullen on the front and back in two days, make sure she gets extremely excited. When the two days go by, send her a T-shirt with pics of Hagrid from Harry Potter instead.
link
2) Tell the fangirls that all gay men sparkle.
3) Tell the fangirls that the Quielete Волколаки have major anger management issues if they turn into beasts when they got irritable...
4) Ask them for their Twilight merchandise,...

I think this spot and the majority of it's members have worked to ensure that when we talk about things we dislike about the series it's things we feel strongly about или have an actual point to make, not just mindless hating and that when we poke fun we try to keep an eye on the line between fun mockery and plain rudeness, even though that line can be debatable или hard to see. Still, there are some cases when I can see Фаны feeling left out, singled out или wanting out completely, and I don't like that. Part of the problem is something us antis can't really help with, which is that not many...

I'm just sayin' Bella is one of the worst role Модели ever when it comes to love, sex and life choices and should not have allowed to be published in any shape или form. I mean, when she's made the heroine of the story and marketted at teenage girls.

1. She's obsessively in Любовь with a control freak stalker.

Unfortunately it seems the vast majority of the Twilight fangirls are too with the very same freak.

2. She wants him so bad that she'll abandone everyone else she loves so that she could be with him. Even when it means she'll practically have to become a blood-drinking corpse.

(The movie 'Eclipse'...

I felt a compelling need to write this Статья because recently I have found myself еще constantly thrust into situations and debates where I have to defend the Harry Potter fandom against the Twilight fandom, which I despise so much. My best friend and her family are actually major pro-Twilight fans. This past evening made me realize that there are so many reasons why Harry Potter is much еще awesome than Twilight, and its not just the obvious ones either. Thus, I give Ты all the evidence Ты will ever need to successfully pwn a Twilight Фан trying to bring your fandom down.

Obvious Reasons...