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posted by simpleplan
really don't hate you, I'm just severely allergic to stupidity

I'm not having a battle of wits with you, I refuse to fight a unarmed opponent

Who ever says "words can't hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary

People say money can't buy happiness. They LIE. Money can buy a jet-ski. Ты ever see anyone unhappy on a jet-ski? Well?

Wants to know...If Оружие kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids

Everyone's entitled to be stupid but Ты are abusing the privilege

Why yes, I do frequently burst out in...
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How many times do Ты get passed by and ignored in the halls at school? Wouldn't your morning be so much brighter if people actually acknowledged your existence? Of course it would. But since people are fickle, Ты must force them. Here's how to provoke a friendly greeting, или at least make someone else feel happier as s/he comes glowering into the building.

Who knows? Your target might even pass along the gesture to someone else, who will pass it along to someone else, and that someone else will then... (you get the point; joy is contagious). Just think how many days could be brightened by...
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Q .. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A .. To see what was on the other side.

Q .. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A .. Because on the box it сказал(-а) From 2-4 years.

Q .. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A .. She wanted to know how to cook Еда stamps!

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One день the husband comes Главная from work and his wife says, "Honey, Ты know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could Ты fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and...
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posted by 1122ridr
 Em I going mad?
Em I going mad?
I know I am. I just know it. My room is covered with пингвин stuff, I have a really big Mad Hatter hat,And I...I hate to admit it, but, I think I'm attracted to the March Hare. I must be going insane. The only book that I read is Alice in Wonderland and the only movie I watch is A Nightmare on Elm street. Tell me that I'm not going mad! I only drink tee, is that crazy или what? Do Ты think I'm going insane? I bet that Ты do, don't you? Tell me, "Why is a raven like a righting desk?" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    You will never find anybody who can give Ты a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

•    You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests Ты think she's pregnant unless Ты can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

•    The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

•    The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status или ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that...
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My name is Angela, and I'm in Любовь with Jacob Black.And I have a weird talent. I can appear in places that I dream of and talk to people there!
I'm 16 years old and I go in "Forks High" high school. I met Jacob in one of my dreams, and after I moved in Forks I met him in real life.

Angela's POV
-Hey, anybody there?
Someone walked out from the dark. It's a boy. He was hot..Actually he looked exactly like Jacob Black..Hm.
The boy- Hey! What are Ты doing here?!
-I don't know. I just appeared here, and I need help. Ты see, I have this talent. What I dream of is actually reality. It's hard to explain....
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Reasons I Любовь You:

1) The way Ты stand by my side


2) The times Ты make sure nothing will harm me


3) How Ты always find a new way to "WoW" me


4) When I'm sad, Ты take the pain away with a joke


5) How Ты always look deep into my eyes


6) How Ты can make my сердце melt with your soft lips


7) The way Ты hold my hand so tight


8) The way Ты never let my hands go


8) How Ты always watch out for me


9) They way Ты make sure I have everything I need


10) How Ты always know what to say when I get mad at you


11) When Ты buy me things out of the blue


12) How Ты say the cutest...
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posted by karpach_14
A single drop of sweat from Chuck Norris was found to quench the thirst of an entire african village for 23 straight days. Subsequently, an olympic athlete from that village was disqualified from his event for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Chuck Norris can read lady Gaga's poker face.

Chuck Norris says the alphabet faster backwards then Ты can say it fowards.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't dream he lives it.

In an alternate universe, Chuck Norris is just a myth. However, he pwns people there anyways.

When Chuck Norris drinks beer, the пиво gets drunk.

Ninjas want...
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posted by wisegirl778
Hehe


1: Post an artical like this!
2: Go to the community pool.
3: Try to do as many backflips as possible in one minute.
4: Call your crush and see what he/she says to you.
5: Look up your least Избранное teacher in the phone book and then prank call them saying they ordered three hundred gallon of spoiled mustard
6: Get together with your Друзья and go to the mall или something that guys do
7: Go nightswimming
8: Grab your сделать ставку, ipod and lay on your постель, кровати listening to every song on it.
9: Look up Болталка people in your yearbook and if Ты know them call them.
10: Play a prank on your little sibling...
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added by BiteMeCullen107
Stupid pickup lines That guys actually think work on girlsXD

-are Ты from tennessee; cause your the only ten I see
-did it hurt when Ты fell from heaven
-excuse me, I've seem to have Остаться в живых my number, can I have yours
-if Ты were a booger I'd pick Ты first
-help the homeless...take me Главная with you
-oh no! I'm choking...I think I need mouth to mouth
-there must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you
-hey I'm looking for treasure, can I look in your chest
-do Ты have a map? Because I keep getting Остаться в живых in your eyes
-hello I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart
-hi, I'm new...
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This has probably happened to a lot of Ты because of taking notes in class.

Have Ты ever got a little blister или callus because of Письмо too much on your finger? It's normal. All it is is a small callus from the pen applying a bit too much pressure или rubbing for too long against your skin.

Calluses are not dangerous, but they aren't pretty either. All people who practice something with their hands all the time get them. Playing the гитара или even cooking a lot can result in calluses.

So Ты have some calluses and Ты want to get rid of them. Fine. Use pens that have a little padding and try not to push down so hard on the pen.

Ты can also do a treatment to get rid of calluses. Put your hands in warm water with лимон for 10 минуты and let them soak. Then dry them off and apply creams или миндальный, миндаль oil to the callus. Use hand cream daily and Ты will see a difference.

If the callus hurts and does not go away then ask your parents about it. Lol
added by KateKicksAss
posted by Vishwa_22496
"WANNA MAKE a cutte quick effective difference in life...?"


1) If Ты Want to work for people ....Make your сердце the ultimate NGO and see the difference.

2) If Ты want fame ...Make yourself famous to yourself and see the difference

3) There is never a fresh start. But there is always a brighter start.

4) As Ты are the creator of your life, similarly Ты are the destroyer of your life.

5) Change not to please others, but to improve yourself.

6) And then remember the 2' ALWAYS:-
*always forget what people did bad for Ты
*always forget what Ты did good for people


P.S :- *always have an attitudde of excellance with combination of nobelity*
There’s nothing better than that moment when Ты have an incredibly interesting fact to spew in a social situation, making yourself sound infinitely еще intelligent than Ты really are. I have picked out some of her избранное to throw out there at your New Years parties this weekend …


1. The U.S Government once poisoned over 10,000 American citizens.
And yes, that sh*t was intentional.

Even dumber than the idea of banning alcohol in the United States in the 1920s, was the idea to poison people in an effort to scare them away from drinking alcohol.

During the Prohibition, one way the black...
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I've recently heard that some people are offended by the T- рубашка slogan "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them," and think it's sexist and that people wouldn't react the same if it was women they were targeting.

But the thing is, I feel that the рубашка isn't targeting men, but that it's for little girls who don't get along with boys. If I saw a five год old boy wearing a рубашка that сказал(-а) "Girls Have Cooties" или "Pull your sister's pigtails, she deserves it" I'd think it's cute.

I don't think it's sexist. If it was targeting the female или male gender I'd think it was, but I think it's just little girls not getting along with little boys, and thinking they're gross, not anything that might be serious.

But the people who criticize the slogan do make a good point, have Ты ever seen a T.V. Показать where they always make the man look like an idiot and he follows his wife's every order? If the genders were reversed, it would be considered sexist.
Every Generation thinks they're smarter than than the ones before them,and Wiser than the ones after them.

*****

Our abasement to our ancestors,makes our descendants hiss us.

*****

Philosophy is the study of other's thoughts,History is the study of their mistakes.

*****

A woman's doubts is stronger than a man's certainty .

*****

Here's a handy advice:don't Совет anyone,so Ты don't carry their sins.

*****

Two Ты can't escape nor survive from:A hungry tiger,and an emotional woman.

*****

The biggest mistake in your life is marrying a woman just because she's a nice companion.

*****

A Woman doesn't...
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added by Trainofdoom
1) Fetch it yourself jerkwad! Ты threw it, why should I have to go and get it?
2) Fetch this!
3) (after licking himself) "ha ha! Ты only wish Ты could do that!"
4) "That whole, 'Blame your farts on me,' thing is SO not funny."
5) Bacon, Bacon, I smell Bacon, Only one thing smells like бекон, бэкон and it's BACON!
6) One of these days... I'll catch that $%#& Squirel
7) Who's the b*tch now?
8) What is the air-speed velocity of an unlden swallow?
9) Hey, zipperhead, clean my water dish and I won't drink from the toilet.
10) Why dont Ты fetch your own newspaper!?
11) Dude, that Evil Lawn Gnome is creeping...
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