Oh god.. Oh god...

I grew up with this movie.. As a kid I thought, this wasn't "that" bad... BOOOY was I wrong..

Early on we get Sean's death акула attack.. Well, a shaky camera IMPLYING a акула attack.. All while his screams are drowned by the Рождество singers.. I know this because they switch back to the singers it at least 12 fucking times during the whole sequence..

I swear to god, this movie is just depressing as hell.. Not scary.. And Ellen (Martins wife) believew the акула was WAITING for Sean.. It came for him because of what Martin did to his buddies..

(Dr. Elkins: Sharks don't take things personally, Mr. Brody.)

I could go on and on about that.. But that's only ONE of the many problems.. Like Michael running mid conversation down a beach.. Which is never explained why.

So, anyway, Ellen doesn't want anyone anywhere near the пляж, пляжный ever again... Wait, why would they EVER go the пляж, пляжный after the other films!?.

She says it killed Sean.. And Martin died from fear..

Martin. Died.. From fear... MARTIN!!
Ты know, the guy who blows up the first one after shoving a gas tank into it’s mouth. “Smile Ты son of a BITCH!".. And friggin electrocutes the second.. After luring it and saying "All right, Ты big bastard! Come On! I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come one! Right over here! Open wide OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!”… Only scene from JAW 2, that makes it worth watching..

Than again.. This actually makes sense when Ты think about.. Espically after Quint’s death.. But still lame..

And why the fuck do they never fucking Переместить away!? This place is a clear danger zone (Highway to the danger zone), Why do the body’s still go to the beach.. Ты think they’d learn by now..

So the family FINALLY head to the Bohamas.. But the акула followed them..

CHRIS STUCKMANN: The Shark.. Followed them... From New York.. To the Bohamas.

So, appearently Ellen has some kind of X-men connection with this thing. When it's nearby she literary bursts up like a deer being spotted.. It's hilarious.

She also starts a romance with Michael Cane.. Cause nobody ever remembers the characters name.

So after the акула attacks the whole family. Including the little girl. Ellen steals Michael's лодка and hunts down the shark... UNARMED!!

So Michael and his friend go after Ellen. On Cane's plane, and the акула attacks Cane.. Which only seems to mildly annoy him. And he later appears unharmed. Not even a lousy scatch.. или a fucking wet t-shirt!

So michael's friend has some knd of science thing that drives the акула crazy. But Jake (yes that's his name) jumps in -I mean, falls into the Sharks mouth. And assumably dies. So Michael uses that science thing to make the акула angry.. It shows this by.. ROARING!!

CHRIS STUCKMANN: Sharks don't have fucking vocal cords!

In the end. Ellen slams the boats front into the shark. Which causes it to literary EXPLODE!! And than using the same image from Jaws 1, it sinks to the sea.. The EXACT image. And just before this, there's Ellen having all these flashbacks towards events she was "never present for", including Martins "Smile Ты son of a BITCH!".
Reminding me, I could be watching the good one..

Not this.. shit!.. THIS FUCKING SHIT!!

Oh, and Jake lives.. And he's even cracking jokes.. Ты know, as we ALL would after being nearly eaten by a giant great white..

And that's how it ends..

So yeah.. Ты can watch for a few unintended laughs.. But otherwise. Lets pretend this never existed.. Like the producers are doing about the third...