My earliest memory is Christina sitting on my chest, pulling on my hair, and shouting, "Give it to me!"

I cried, and held my dolly tight. "Stop it," I said, "You're going to hurt Priscilla."

Christina grabbed my ears and pulled until I heard ringing cracks like glass breaking in my head. My grip loosened from my dolly's polka-dotted dress. Christina pulled her away and ran out of the room giggling. "It's mine now. Mine, and you'll never see it again."

I ran to mommy. "Christina took Priscilla," I said.
"Calm down dear, no one likes a tattle tale. Ты can share your toys."
"But Christina takes all my toys!"
"Oh, don't be so dramatic. Here, clean yourself up, and get ready for lunch."
"She takes everything. I hate her."

Mommy grabbed my shoulders. "Don't ever talk that way about your sister, do Ты understand me? That's a terrible thing to say. She loves you."

At lunch, mommy made me apologize for what I said. Christina grinned me from across the таблица as I сказал(-а) it. I think that's the moment she knew she'd always get away with it.

I found Priscilla buried in the muddy rose brushes a week later. Her hair had been cut off, her arms and legs had been melted to shriveled black. I sank my face in her rumpled dress and cried. I'm sorry Priscilla, I'm sorry I couldn't hold onto Ты back then. When I turned back to the house, Christina was smiling from the window of her room.
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Christina took еще things as we got older. She found where I hid my toys, and broke them with her friends. She украл, палантин my Избранное clothes and told my mom they were hers. Once I invited a friend over for a sleepover, and Christina glared at her all night. She cornered her the Далее день at school, and told her she could sit at the cool girls' таблица if she stopped hanging out with me.

And always that smile, that bright toothy smile. Everyone always told her how beautiful it was, but that's only because they weren't looking close enough. If only they could see what I saw. If only I could Показать them, just once.

When I was sixteen, I fell in love. His name was Derek, and he sat Далее to me in biology. He was tall and painfully good looking with an easy sense of humor. I was too intimidated to talk to him at first, but he had a kindness in his eyes that made Ты feel totally at ease when he talked to you. No one could make me laugh like he did, and I left class everyday beaming like a sunrise.

I stopped by his locker one день as school was letting out. I asked about the bio homework, but I didn't hear the answer. My сердце was throbbing, and I couldn't catch my breath. He was so amazing, and I was so boring, but I knew I could make him happy if I had the chance. He made a joke about our bio teacher and squeezed my elbow as he laughed. I opened my mouth to ask him when I saw Christina walking our way down the hall.

I сказал(-а) goodbye and hurried away. Hopefully, she hadn't seen. I looked up as we passed each other. I tried to hide it, but I knew she saw the quiver of fear in my eyes. I knew because I saw that smile.

She was at his locker the Далее day, giggling, and twirling her hair and touching his arms. A few night later I heard the step, step, step, of her sneaking him up the stairs to her room. Mom was a sound sleeper, but Christina's room was Далее to mine, and I heard everything. Every night after that, step, step, step, and then the muffled sounds I tried not to hear.

One night I waited at the bottom of the stairs for Derek to sneak out. He gasped when he saw me standing in the dark, but I told him not to be afraid. I untied my халат, одеяние and dropped it to the floor. I stared back at the floor and told him I could make him happy too. I stepped towards him, touched the back of his neck with a shivering hand, and leaned in. He pulled his head back, and gently pushed my shoulders away from him.

As he was leaving, he looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Don't worry, I won't tell her," he said.
_______________________________________________________________

When mom died she left the house to Christina. Everyone сказал(-а) it made sense now that she and Derek were married. I didn't need that big house all to myself, did I? No, they said, it's better that I find a cozy little place just for me.

Just for me.

Christina Опубликовано pictures online. Hundreds of them. I would scroll through them at night and imagine myself in her place, that I was the one smiling in our old backyard, that I was driving the luxury car, that I was vacationing in Europe, that I was Поцелуи Derek on the forehead every morning.

Everyone was excited when they announced they were having a baby. Her belly grew in the pictures she posted, pictures of детская кроватка shopping and prenatal yoga. She soaked up the Комментарии and attention, talked about how grateful she was, how "blessed" she has been.

At the душ I sat in the corner of the room while also her Друзья chattered and laughed. She beamed that toothy smile to all of them, but every now and them she glanced at me and I could see the truth.

"Isn't it amazing?" One of her Друзья asked me. "This house, this life, that gorgeous doctor husband. God, everything just comes so easy to her! It must be so inspiring to have a sister like her."

"Inspiring. Yes, very inspiring. Excuse me." I left the party and drove downtown. I sat in the parking гараж and gripped the steering wheel with white fingers, until my hands were stiff and numb. After nightfall I walked the dingy streets to a dingy bar I knew. Glass after glass until I felt nothing. A scruffy boy with a пиво belly and a football jersey staggered up to me. He reeked of cigarettes and old popcorn. I finished my drink. He would do.

I stared at the Стена until it was over. He finished inside of me. "Don't worry hon, I'm on the pill," I lied. He took my number, but I knew he wouldn't call. It didn't matter. A few weeks later I went to the doctor and confirmed what I already knew in my heart. Soon I wouldn't be alone anymore. Soon I would have something that Christina couldn't take from me.

That night I dreamed of a little girl with bright blue eyes and a polka-dotted dress. "Priscilla," I whispered when I woke up, "I'll name Ты Priscilla."
_______________________________________________________________

Christina wouldn't get chance this time. I would carry her unseen, and deliver her I secret. Afterwards I would use all of my savings to Переместить across the country. We have no other family, Priscilla, I would say. Ты have no aunties или uncles, but it's okay because I'll Любовь Ты extra to make up for it.

I dreamed of her again. She looked up at me with sparkling blue eyes, clear and innocent. I held her close, tickled her, kissed her head. She giggled and cooed, and my сердце was so full it could burst. I loved her so much already. But when I looked up, a flint of fear struck my stomach. Christina was looking at her. Smiling.

I woke up shaking. "Please no," I whispered into the dark. "Please keep away from my baby."

Every night the same dream. Every night Christina was closer. I slept less and less, until my brain was a lump of rotting meat. I could barely control my fingers to type at work. One morning my boss called me into his office and asked me to take a leave of absence. I begged him to let me stay, told him I needed the money, promised him I wouldn't make any еще mistakes. Bit he just gave me look of pity. The same look that Derek gave me, the same look that Christina's Друзья and the doctor gave me.

I made my way Главная in a slow-motion fog. Keep breathing, I d myself, you'll figure something out. Ты have to. For her sake. I sat on the couch, shivering and feeling a lump in my chest that felt like it was sinking down to my belly. I just needed to rest for a moment. Rest and collect my thoughts. I closed my eyes.

I held Priscilla, but she wasn't smiling any more. Her eyes were shimmering with fear, and her face was deathly pale. I looked up. Christina stood over us. She smiled, and rows of needle teeth glinted in the dark. She reached out, grabbed Priscilla's am, and pulled. I screamed, and held on begging, "Please stop! Please leave us alone!" Christina knocked me down, and sat on my chest, and I could feel the weight of her bony body pressing into my gut. Priscilla's face wrenched in pain. "Stop it, stop it, your hurting her!" I cried. Christina pressed вперед into me, and I felt a stabbing pain in my middle. Priscilla's body twisted, her limbs bent like melted plastic,her skin flaked away revealing oozing red underneath. With a final jerk, Christina pulled her away from me.

I screamed myself awake. The room was dark and silent. Sweat soaked through my clothes, my breathing was short and shallow. I rubbed my eyes. Calm down. It was just a dream. See?
Your all worked up over nothing. Everything is fine. Everything is just --

Wait.

Something. Something was wrong. I reached down between my legs and felt a thick gooey liquid between my fingers. I pulled my юбка up. I could see a small круг of black. A dark puddle soaking into the диван, мягкий уголок cushion. And in the middle of the круг was --

My whole body went cold and empty. Everything suddenly seemed small and far away. I could see something, but it didn't feel like I was looking at it. It felt like I was looking at a fuzzy picture from really far away. My ears ringing, a high melodic whine, tinny and distorted by the heaviness in my skull. After a moment I recognized my phone's ring. I looked over at it, unable to make out the words on the screen. I picked it up from the table, and swiped it open, leaving a smear of red on the screen.
"Hello?"
"Oh my god, sis, I'm so excited I just had to tell you! So Ты know how Derek and I have been going back and forth about whether или not to know the sex of the baby? Well I just couldn't take the suspense, and I asked the doctor to tell us during the ultrasound today. And guess what? We're having a baby girl!"
"A girl."
"Yes, isn't it exciting? I mean, I was pretty sure it was girl anyway, but now that we know for sure we фургон, ван finally decide on a name. I've thought long and hard about it, and Derek isn't too crazy about this one, but I want to name her Priscilla. Ты know, after that old doll we used to play with when we were little? O Ты remember?"
"Priscilla. Your going to name her Priscilla."
"Isn't it pretty? I think it's perfect. Derek will just have to name the Далее one. Anyway, I'm so excited, and I want to share this with Ты first. And . . . I also wanted to say I Любовь you, sis. I want Ты to know that. I Любовь you. And I'm sorry. I know I wasn't always nice to Ты growing up, and sometimes I think back on those days, and I feel such a terrible guilt. I admit the big sister that I needed to be, but I want to change that. You're such a wonderful person, and I want Ты to be a part of my daughter's life. Oh gosh, listen to me cry in like a sap. Fucking hormones. I'm sorry to do this over the phone. It's just so wonderful, isn't it? Life is wonderful."
"Life is wonderful."
"Yeah, it is. Well, listen, Derek has to work a late shift tonight, so I'm going to try and get some decent sleep without listening to his snoring. Call Ты soon hon. Любовь you."

I just stared and stared at the phone. Everything. She took everything from me. I hate her. But no, Ты can't hate your sister, how dare you, she loves you, didn't Ты hear her say it? How can Ты say such a horrible thing about someone who loves you, never say Ты hate her, hate.

Hate.
_______________________________________________________________

Driving across the улица, уличный with moonlight flashing between the leaves. I couldn't read the улица, уличный signs, but I knew the way home. Home, our home, my home. I was vaguely aware of another car honking and swerving out of my way. Nice car, expensive car, just like yours sister, just like yours.

I walked up the driveway, the old house dark and towering. I picked up a garden лопата lying in the rose bushes. Ты buried her in those bushes, didn't you? Ты buried her there the first time Ты took them from me. Yes, I remember. I remember everything.

I walked up the stairs, step, step, step, silent and slow, just like Ты Christina. I've learned so much from you. I reached the вверх of the stairs, and opened the door at the end of the hall. Look at you. Sleeping so peacefully. No snoring to keep Ты awake, not tonight. I pulled some old clothes from the hamper, and tied them to the bedposts. Gently, carefully, I tied them to her wrists. She moaned, and squinted in the dark.

"Whozzat? Derek?"
"Hello, Christina."

Her eyes snapped open. "What? Why are-- " she tried to pull her hands free, but they were secured tight.
"Relax, honey. I was so moved by your call tonight that I just had to come over and say something."
"What's going on? Why am I tied up?"
"Something very important. I wanted to tell Ты that Ты shouldn't feel guilty about how Ты were when we were younger. Ты were perfect. I see that now. I hated Ты for so long, but now I see Ты were exactly the big sister I needed Ты to be."
"What the fuck? Untie me Ты psycho! Did Ты hear me? Now!"
"I know now why Ты kept taking things from me. It was to make me stronger. Ты pulled things away again and again, so that I could get better at holding on to them. I understand now. Ты did it because Ты loved me." I held up the garden spade.
Christina looked at it. Her eyes looked wide and white in the dark.
"Wha . . . What are Ты doing?"
"Finally I understand. Ты were always testing me, training me, making me better. Tonight was the final test. And now, I get to Показать Ты how strong I've become."
She trembled beneath me. "I don't know what's going on, but put that down, okay? Just put that my down, untie me, and let's talk about it."
I sat on her hips, and looked at her powder blue face in the moonlight. My fingers gripped the handle of the spade. "Listen to me very carefully Christina. All my life you've taken things. My love, my home, my child. You've taken everything from me. But tonight I finally get to take something back."

I pressed the лопата into her, and dug a chunk of flesh out of her abdomen. She wailed and thrashed and cursed with desperate power, as I pulled layer after layer away from her in wet ribbons. I dug and scratched until my arms were weak and burning, her screams like rusty nails echoing in my head. Finally I reached the glistening sack and tore a hole in it. I tore it open with my fingers, and reached in to feel the squirming life inside. Christina wailed like a siren as a pulled the baby away from her with a sucking pop.

I held my girl, my treasure, my lttle Энджел in my shaking hands, and I looked at her. She gleamed purple and blue, twitching with the breath of new life. She was еще beautiful than I could have imagined. "Hello Priscilla," I murmured, Поцелуи her slippery forehead.

I stood up and looked down at Christina. She was choking and sputtering black liquid, her jellies insides spilling out onto the bed. I smiled at her, a beaming smile, her smile, the smile I finally understood after so long. Thank Ты sister. I finally understand. Life is wonderful.

I carried my baby across the hall to my old room, humming a lullaby.
She was perfectly quiet and still, already so well behaved. A peaceful calm washed over me, and I curled up with her on the floor, closed my eyes, and I slept.

"She's mine now. Mine, and you'll never see her again."