Critical Analysis of Twilight Club
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Credit to _lina_ and cinders, because they did it first. еще credit to link because that's where this is from. _lina_ used the same one.

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Number 1: Someone tells Ты или he admits that he has hit women in the past. He has talked about his killing sprees, he has killed another woman (Yes, she is a vampire. Who cares?) in front of her. Check!

Number 2: He refers to all women he has dated in the past with derogatory terms. He may also refer to his mother using such terms as well. Not sure about checking this one или not. He says she is the first one he dated, but then he talks of Tanya, the denali vampire, in a way that implies he doesn't like her at all. Half check.


Number 3: He tells Ты of abuse he has witnessed или has been a part of toward women. When asked if he has ever sought counseling, he says, "No, I never felt I needed it." He may feel guilty about it and promise that he won't do it to you. He constantly talks about killing her, but later on he starts saying he could never do it to her. This is something he also does in the opposite way, saying he knows he could kill her. Eh, check!

Finds fault with all your family and Друзья once Ты have confided in him about them или he has met them. Later, he will use what he knows against Ты in an argument. There is a part in the Twilight series, I'm pretty sure it was Eclipse, that Bella talks to edward about not wanting to talk to charlie about going to Florida. Edward then goes ahead and tells charlie about it. Half check. if Ты want to Комментарий and tell me why it shouldn't be here, или should be a full check, please do.

Number 4:Shows up unannounced at your job, home, или places Ты visit (may lead to stalking). May offer to take Ты to any of these places on a daily basis so that Ты may grow dependent on him. Hmmmmm.... Seriously. He breaks into her room at night and watches her sleep. He also drives her everywhere, even when she blatantly refuses. Major check!

Number 5: Calls Ты often wanting to know your plans and in some cases Ты may have already told him, but he may be checking to see if your story has changed. He expects Ты to call him wherever Ты go and will become angry if Ты don't. Moments in breaking Dawn come to mind. Ditto with Eclipse. The секунда part (He expects Ты to...) is probably еще fitting then the first, but it still works. Check!

Number 6: He doesn't like who he is and makes regular references about himself as being "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," and asks you, "Why do Ты want to be with me?" He will also resort to name calling whether he is arguing with Ты или "just being funny." _lina_ nailed this on the head. If Ты exchange "stupid", "ugly", and "dumb" for "murderer", "monster," and "killer", it works perfectly. The "Why do Ты want to be with me?" explains itself.

Number 7: He attempts to control money Ты have earned and abuses possessions that Ты have acquired. He often asks for financial assistance, takes over your car and tells Ты how Ты should conduct your household. He may encourage Ты to live with him so that he can further control you. A bit skeptical about this one. He doesn't ask for financial assistance или how to conduct her householf. However, he does buy her a new car and expects her to use it. Plus: the new car is ракета proof. MISSILES. Also, Edward sets up Bella and Alice for sleepovers many times for when he leaves to go eat a mountain lion. Half check.

Number 8: He threatens to commit suicide when Ты try to break up with him. Self explanatory. He literally attempted suicide. Check!

Number 9: He threatens to kill Ты over anything from wanting to end the relationship to talking to other men. Well, he does get very, very mad at her when she talks to other guys, in particular, Jacob. Another half check.

Number 10: When he is angry with Ты he keeps Ты in a room with no access to a phone. He may lock Ты in the room. Pretty much, he makes Alice kidnap her. He also took the engine out of her car once. check.

Number 11: When Ты want to visit with a friend, go out to the Фильмы или some other past time, he oftentimes vehemently objects или he uses tactics to make Ты feel guilty so that Ты will stay home. I already mentioned that he took part of the engine out of her car. This was to keep her from seeing Jacob, he best friend. Check.

Number 12: He will try to convince Ты that he is sorry for what he has done and will never do it again, only to do it again, and again. Pretty darn much. Check.



I hope now Ты see the light and that, yes, Edward is abusive. If Ты want to say why one of these should have been a Check!, a half-check, или nothing at all please say why in the comments. If Ты have еще reasons Edward is abusive, that is also a good place to put it.
added by marthatsal
posted by TriaRose
Dear Ms. Meyer,

Hi. I’m Tria. It’s nice to meet you. As Ты have probably guessed, I am Письмо to Ты concerning your series known as “The Twilight Saga.” If you’ll forgive me for being rude, I’d like to be blunt.

You fail.

Again, apologies for my rudeness. If you’ll allow me, I’m going to back up this assumption of your literary failure.

Let’s start with the plots, looking at each book individually, and then the Книги as a whole.
Twilight: Barely has a plot. The book is 300 или so pages of nothing happening besides mooning on about Edward and his eyes. Then Ты throw in three...
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After Чтение the post "Bella as a heroine should be illegal" by bendaimmortal, it got me thinking. Obviously, no-one would consider Bella лебедь a heroine. If Ты do, Ты have got a really great deal of imagination, или a warped sense of the world. Because, and I'm sure most Twilight Фаны would agree, the girl didn't do anything at all. Save being overly dramatic and being the damsel in distress.

What about the Cullens then? What about Carlisle, Alice, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett? What about He-Who-Sparkles-In-Broad-Daylight? Would they be considered heroes/heroines?

No.

I say that the Cullens...
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Note: It’s important for me to communicate that I don’t know the Автор of Twilight или her family personally and I do not intend them any insult; this Статья is purely academic speculation inspired by a story which will remain a timeless work of art. It is the emotional accessibility of the work which makes commentary such as this possible. I may be projecting the whole thing… But that’s exactly why Twilight is so successful, because it invites us so welcomingly into the story!

Every Фан knows the story of the Twilight Saga.
There are many theories as to what makes the story such a pop-culture...
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As a Фан of Twilight, I am part of a lot of related spots and discussions. However, as a Jacob & Bella fan, I often find myself disagreeing with most of the opinions of Twilight fans. In this Статья I'll go through some Комментарии I've read (slightly altered - don't want anyone out to get me!) and why I disagree with them. It's really just an informal rant. :P

'Edward & Bella have things in common unlike Jacob & Bella'

... What exactly? Let me guess: Classical music? Bella knows one song and suddenly they have something in common. They both read? When do we actually read of Bella reading...
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Soo, I read Twilight in 2005 and seriously thought it was the best thing I'd ever read, and never thought I'd read anything better. How young and stupidly naive I was!

When I first bought it, it was treasured, as were New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn & all the money wasting merchandise I purchased to. But over the past 2 years, I've seen the Фан base grow and grow and GROW into something that is just pretty hectic and down right ridiculous.

I personally feel sorry for the cast, especially Robert Pattinson. Poor guy, can't even walk out his front door without being mobbed. There's such thing...
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As someone who liked Вампиры before the fad started I'm one of the many people who dislikes the Twilight vampires. And thinks they should be reclassified as pixies. или that at least Zombie Bram Stoker should go have a serious talk with Stephenie Meyer about vampires... What do Ты mean Bram Stoker hasn't risen as a zombie in protest to the Twilight vampires? Why don't Ты go prove it? I'll wait...

...

...They didn't come back, so I'm assuming Zombie Bram ate their brains. We'll have to carry on without them. Anyway, I must admit Meyerpires are an interpretation of the vampire myth I just don't...
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Disclaimer: The Название of the Статья may seem to be a bit strange, as most of my Статьи that I have Опубликовано on here are usually issues I have with the Twilight Saga, but I decided that myself as an anti, wanted to write about things I actually do like about the series. Guarantee, I actually do think Stephanie Meyer did create some characters in this series, and I just wanted to Список my вверх 8. This will be in no particular order.
* * *
Jasper Hale

If hypothetically, I were to meet the Cullen, I would think that Jasper would be the only one I probably be remotely afraid of in any sort of way. Or...
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posted by KateKicksAss
I found these online, and thought they were kinda funny, :)
Credit: wiki answers, wattpad.com, b L o g s p o t.com


How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen

What happened when Emmett Cullen stubbed his toe?
He made the whole city collapse!

Rosalie Hale was told to find something just as или еще beautiful then herself. She came back with a mirror!

How do Ты stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
You pick up a stick, throw it and yell "fetch"!

How do Ты irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!

Why...
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A hilarious BD spoof. Jacob is hungry for Renesmee's love...and a McFlurry, :P
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added by maritina12345
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added by Mallory23
Source: http://fuckyeahtwilightsucks.tumblr.com/
I’ve read many lists pointing out Twilight “Plot Holes”, but еще often than not, the lists aren’t very valid at all. Half of them are usually just complaints, pointing out something they don’t like about Twilight (Example:” Why would Вампиры go to high school?”, или “Why does Bella have so many friends?”). The rest are just factually incorrect, или can be logically theorized. These are usually followed by “Stephenie Meyer obviously ditched history class”, или “Hasn’t Stephenie ever heard of logic?”, или my personal favorite, “I would know, I had a lesson about it...
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Contains strong language. It's not an anti video if Ты don't mind the lulz.
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aagh! I accidentally deleted this when I was trying to Редактировать it. here it is again with a new title:

Bella could have gotten over Edward in New Moon and even had a real relationship with Jacob in time, but she wouldn't let herself. She felt that moving on would diminish или discredit her twu wuv with Edward and the pain she felt after he left. She wants to believe she can't get over it because she wants to believe that what they had was extraordinary, not like any other teenage romance. She wants to believe no one else in the world can relate to what she's going through. She was alone because she...
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added by Disaster
added by nuxi
Source: etsy
*Most I made up, a few I admit I saw on a video but I stated these ways in my own words so it is therefore not plagiarism*

1) Tell a fangirl that you'll send her a T-shirt with rare pictures of Edward Cullen on the front and back in two days, make sure she gets extremely excited. When the two days go by, send her a T-shirt with pics of Hagrid from Harry Potter instead.
link
2) Tell the fangirls that all gay men sparkle.
3) Tell the fangirls that the Quielete Волколаки have major anger management issues if they turn into beasts when they got irritable...
4) Ask them for their Twilight merchandise,...
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