1. Make him take a shower.
2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower.
3. Make him use clarifying shampoo.
4. Apparate Далее to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disapparate before he realizes what happened.
5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it.
6. ...enchant the cleanser to follow him around anyway.
7. Tell him Ты украл, палантин his teddy bear.
8. Tell him Ты won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair.
9. When he washes his hair, tell him Ты were just kidding and сказал(-а) teddy медведь has already been destroyed.
10. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and give him a Mohawk.
11. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and write "Crazy!" all over his face in permanent ink.
12. Sneak up on him when he's asleep and wash his hair.
13. Send him repeated invitations to a makeover party - which emphasis on facials, shampooing, and hair-braiding. ("But you'll look so pretty!!")
14. Force him to get a Michael Jackson-type nose surgery.
15. Call him Michael by accident.
16. Make parallels between him and Michael Jackson. "You both have deformed noses, Ты both have pale skin, Ты both have greasy black hair, he's the King of Pop, you're the Half-Blood Prince, Ты both molest chil..Oops!"
17. Prank call him and say, "Where's the emergency?! I hear there was a man at this number who needed an extreme nose job ASAP!" over and over again.
18. Resurrect James using a seance and make him haunt Snape for eternity.
19. Hypnotize the Death Eaters to make fun of him and constantly try to de-pants him.
20. Tap him on his left shoulder and jump to the right.
21. Nudge him and say, "So...how's the double-agent business going?" *nudgenudgewinkwink*
22. Tape a sign that says "CURSE ME!" on his back.
23. Call him Snivellus.
24. Tell Ты consulted a psychic and he's not a Prince after all...and he never will be.
25. Convince him that going around in the nude is the new "in" style. Wait, are we torturing him или us?!
26. Give him to Grawp. *evil laugh*
27. Obliviate his memory and force him to spend the rest of his days as a Muggle. или better yet, try it within the Obliviating part!
28. Dye his skin pink.
29. Force him to become the head Gryffindor cheerleader.
30. Tell him that you've killed Draco (as tempting as it may be, do not really kill him!).
31. Laugh evilly and tell him that he's broken the Unbreakable Vow since he didn't save Draco, and will therefore die at any moment.
32. Laugh at him as he runs in circles panicking about his impending "doom."
33. или just kill Draco and force Snape to watch him die. *dodges fangirls*
34. Give him the nickname Half-Blood Princess.
35. Find anything he's ever written "I am the Half-Blood Prince" on, and change it to say "Princess."
36. Blackmail him. "If Ты do anything bad to me, I'll Показать everyone the picture of Ты before your nose job went horribly wrong!"
37. Комментарий on how smudgy his papers are because they have grease marks from his nose on them.
38. Tell him Voldemort doesn't Любовь him anymore.
39. Tell him a story with many parallels to his own life, and disguise it badly.
40. End with his imminent doom and the moral: "Greasy-haired traitors who murder old men [for any reason] and run away, will always get caught and murdered in the most painful way wizardly possible."
41. When he confronts Ты about it, pretend Ты have no idea what he's talking about.
42. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch the Potter Puppet Pals.
43. Buy him a рубашка with his Puppet Pal look-a-like and say "Bother!" as loudly as Ты can whenever you're in his presence.
44. And if none of these bother Snape enough, Ты could always hack away at his head with a blunt axe - giving him a slow, painful death and an embarrassing, not-quite-Headless-Hunt-material afterlife.
