Princess гороховый, горох stood in the wedding gazebo Далее to Prince Bartholomew, with all eyes on her. She knew that everyone was waiting on her to say "I do" and make the union official. Come on, Pea, she thought to herself...Two simple words and everything goes back to the way it was. You've been dreaming all your life of marrying a handsome prince and living happily ever after in a beautiful castle. Now all Ты have to do is say the word and it's yours. Ты can have what Ты envied from all the other girls you've met. You'll be blissful and merry like that flat-chested princess with the high pitched voice Ты met in the woods weeks ago. You'll feel accomplished and proud like that crossdressing Chinese chick Ты met. You'll have a man of your own like Jasmine, Cinderella, Ariel and Tiana. Ты won't end up in a tragedy like Pocahontas did. Maybe you'll even learn to Любовь Bartholomew, the way Belle learned to Любовь the Beast...
    "Pea," whispered Prince Bartholomew, interrupting her train of thought. "Hurry up, you're embarrassing me."
    "Oh," Pea's mind was elsewhere. "I..."
    The crowd stared at the princess anxiously.
    "I need a drink of water," гороховый, горох said. A butler immediately scurried towards her.
    "Your highness, it'll be a few moments before we can get Ты some water. Right now all we have is the traditional celebratory champagne," he сказал(-а) in a British accent.
    "Great, that'll do the trick," гороховый, горох popped open the bottle and poured it into a glass. She finished the glass in three секунды flat. The crowd was bewildered by her lack of etiquette and watched in shock as the princess chucked the glass on the ground casually.
    "What are Ты doing?" asked Prince Bartholomew. гороховый, горох gazed into the audience and saw her mother, Queen Annalynne, looking furiously at her.
    "Let's try this again, shall we?" asked the priest. "Princess Peanalita, do Ты take Prince Bartholomew to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
    Pea didn't waste another moment. "I can't," she replied. Everyone gasped.
    "What do Ты mean, Ты can't?" asked the prince through clenched teeth.
    "Would Ты like me to find Ты a dictionary?" гороховый, горох rolled her eyes. "Or are your Чтение skills just as bad as your comprehension skills?"
    "How dare you!" Bartholomew slapped гороховый, горох across the face. "Princesses must be respectful and worshipping towards their princes!"
    "Apologize at once, Peanalita!" Annalynne stood up from her seat.
    "Apologize?" гороховый, горох was astounded. "Are Ты crazy? He just slapped me!"
    "Yes, I did!" Bartholomew yelled. "Women who are disrespectful to their superiors get punished!"
    "Then I suppose the same goes for men," гороховый, горох answered. With that, she punched the arrogant jerk in the face. "You know, I was gonna try and let Ты down easy but now that I see what a big, hairy dick Ты are, I'm happy to dump your sorry ass. In fact, why don't I just tell everyone here the truth? I'm in Любовь with someone else! And even though he doesn't Любовь me anymore, I'm not gonna marry some rich snob just so I can have a few nice dresses...okay a thousand really gorgeous dresses with hand-stiched satin bows and the finest fabric from Europe...but Ты get my point." Princess гороховый, горох left Prince Bartholomew, who was on the ground tending his bloody nose. As she began to hurry down the aisle towards the exit, Annalynne stopped her.
    "Peanalita, what do Ты think you're doing?" Queen Annalynne scolded. "You're giving up everything Ты ever wanted! And for what? Conrad doesn't even Любовь you!"
    "So?" гороховый, горох asked. "The last time I checked the solution to getting your сердце broken wasn't marry some Болталка dude with a fat wallet. If I go through with this marriage, I'll end up like you..."
    "And what's wrong with that?" Annalynne was offended. "I'm beautiful, powerful, and rich. What could possibly be еще satisfying?"
    "Yes, but you're also stuck-up, selfish, bitter, cruel, and disliked by practically everyone." гороховый, горох responded. "You know, before I got banished, I was on my way to becoming just like you, или even worse. But the день I left the замок was the день I realized I wanted all the wrong things in life. The reason I was such a сука was because I wasn't really happy. And once again, I don't know where I'm headed, but I know that I have a better chance of finding happiness in the middle of nowhere than in some stuffy castle."
    "Why, Ты ungrateful little brat!" yelled Annalynne. "I've дана Ты everything Ты could ever want in life and this is how Ты thank me? I was a loving mother to you!"
    "No! When the rest of our kingdom wanted me gone, Ты exiled me immediately to save your own reputation!" гороховый, горох kept walking. "Face it, Mother, Ты only love me when I have something that will benefit you. Like this marriage, don't think I believed for one секунда that Ты actually give a rat's жопа, попка whether или not I'm happy."
    "Where are Ты going, Ты silly girl?" Annalynne called after her. "You have nothing without me! Even that filthy peasant boyfriend of yours сказал(-а) Ты don't have a brain beneath that pretty face!"
    "Well, I...hey,wait a second..." Something occured to Princess Pea. When Annalynne had дана her the letter in which Conrad broke up with her, it was in an envelope, unopened. And after гороховый, горох read it to herself, she'd crumpled it up and thrown it away. So how on Earth could her mother possibly know in detail what Conrad сказал(-а) to her in the note? "YOU!" гороховый, горох stormed back over towards her mother. "You wrote that letter, didn't you?"
    "What? I did no such thing!"
    "Mother, that line didn't work when Ты tried to deny the botox and it ain't working now," replied Pea.
    "I only did it to protect you," Annalynne tried to seem compassionate. "I knew Ты would be making a mistake to stay with that boy. So I did what was necessary for your own well-being."
    "Wrong again, Ты did it to trick me into thinking that I should marry Bartholomew!" гороховый, горох cried. "How could Ты be so selfish? That's low even for you...breaking your daughter's сердце and preventing her from being with her true Любовь so that Ты can get еще money!"
    "What are Ты going to do about it? Slap me like Ты did the prince?" Annalynne asked. "You're still the weak little girl you've always been."
    "No, I have a punch-no-more-than-one-person-a-day rule. However, I haven't done this yet." гороховый, горох ripped off a large chunk of her wedding cake and threw it onto Annalynne.
    "Later, Mommy Dearest. And don't bother trying to find me with that tracking device, I'm finally over the whole tiara trend." гороховый, горох skipped out of the back gates of the castle, off to find Conrad and set things right.
    Princess гороховый, горох hurried outside the palace gates into the village. She ran along the cobblestone streets hoping to find some mode of tranportation. I've got to get back to Beast's castle, maybe Conrad is still there, гороховый, горох thought hopefully to herself. Suddenly, she noticed a large carriage with a driver that practically had "stupid" written on his forehead.
    "Yo, dude!" гороховый, горох yelled at him. "There's a hundred bucks taped to the back of your carriage." As the кучер, ямщик stepped out to check the back, гороховый, горох hopped into the driver's сиденье, место, сиденья and yelled. "Sorry, but this is an emergency!" She rode off on the carriage. A few hours passed and гороховый, горох finally found the castle. The Beast's замок looked as though it had been on Extreme Makeover: Главная Edition. It was no longer dark and gloomy but instead bright and beautiful. гороховый, горох hurried inside...
    "Belle!" гороховый, горох cried out.
    "Pea!" Belle hugged the princess. "We were worried, Ты just vanished so suddenly without saying goodbye! So much has happened since Ты left. Beast has transformed into a human! In fact, his real name is Prince Adam. Ты see, as it turns out, he and all of the people who lived in this замок were under a spell that could only be broken if-"
    "Belle, honey, I don't wanna be rude but I really don't give a flying fuck right now! I'm in the middle of a crisis!" гороховый, горох interrupted. "Where's Conrad?"
    "He left right after Ты disappeared," Belle replied. "He seemed depressed about Ты leaving without notice."
    "Damn it, how will I ever find him now?"
    "Well," Belle thought for a moment. "When Gaston invaded the замок to attack Adam, he had the magic mirror...but he didn't have it when he went upstairs to find Adam...so...he must have left it around...here it is!"
    "I know I'm gorgeous but how exactly is a mirror gonna help me?" гороховый, горох asked, as Belle handed her the mirror.
    "It's enchanted, it will Показать Ты anything Ты wish to see," Belle answered. "Best of luck, Pea! I have to get changed, Adam and I are marrying this afternoon!" She hurried upstairs.
    Princess гороховый, горох spoke to the mirror. "I wish to see Conrad." The mirror shone brightly and then showed Conrad. He seemed to be in a замок of some sort. гороховый, горох recognized it after a moment of brief confusion. "Hey, I've been to the замок before...years ago...when I was a little girl...We visited it one Christmas...Of course! That's King Stefan's castle! What the heck is Conrad doing there? I've got to get to him!"
    Pea ran outside of the замок as night began to fall. She hopped back into the driving сиденье, место, сиденья of the carriage and ordered the Лошади to take her to King Stefan's kingdom. Hours rolled by. гороховый, горох was cold, mierable and utterly convinced that the Лошади had no idea where they were going. Just as she was about to lose all hope, she realized they'd reached a forest. She jumped off of the carriage and ran through the woods. She saw the замок in the distance. The moon shone brightly. гороховый, горох ran as fast as her feet could carry her towards the castle. Everbody in the entire kingdom seemed to be asleep which гороховый, горох found rather peculiar. She hurried through the замок doors and found her way up a tower. She walked into a room where a beautiful girl was sleeping in a bed. The girl had long golden curls and wore a blue dress. She had a rose carefully tucked beneath her hands.
    "Where is Conrad?" гороховый, горох wondered aloud. Suddenly, she heard voices approaching.
    "Congratulations, Phillip! You've defeated Maleficent!" сказал(-а) one voice.
    "Now Ты must awaken Rose with true love's kiss," added another.
    Just then, a handsome prince and three plump little Феи came into the room.
    "Who are you?" asked the prince.
    "I'm depressed," гороховый, горох cried. "My one true Любовь was supposed to be in this замок and I can't find him anywhere."
    "Well, there's my one true love," he pointed at the sleeping girl. He stepped towards her and leaned in for a kiss.
    "Isn't that like дата rape или something?" гороховый, горох asked as she wiped a tear off her cheek.
    The girl's eyes opened and she smiled up at her prince.
    "Oh, there's so much to explain!" сказал(-а) the fairy in blue while clapping excitedly. She flew over to the girl, who was getting out of the bed. "Rose, the boy Ты met in the woods just so happens to be Prince Phillip! The one you're betrothed to! So even though Ты have to marry a prince, it turns out the prince is the boy Ты wanted to marry all along! Isn't that wonderful?"
    "Yes," replied the girl. "But what am I doing lying in a bed? The last thing I remember, Ты three brought me to the замок and I heard an eerie voice calling my name."
    "Should we tell her?" the fairy in green asked the Феи in blue and red.
    "Nah," they all agreed. "Aurora, all that matters is that Ты two are together at last." Aurora and Phillip hugged.
    "You two are lucky, man," гороховый, горох spoke up. "Never take each other for granted. Because sometimes Ты lose the person Ты Любовь before Ты get to tell them how Ты feel." She continued to cry.
    "You poor darling!" сказал(-а) Aurora sympathetically. She hugged Pea. "I'm sure things will work out for Ты somehow."
    "Now that I think of it...Fauna, Merryweather, we did meet a handsome young man earlier today, didn't we?" asked the fairy in red.
    "Yes, Flora, you're right!" answered Fauna. "He сказал(-а) his name was Conrad."
    "That's him!" Pea's сердце filled with hope. "Oh, where did he say he was going?"
    "Well," сказал(-а) Merryweather. "He told us that he had Остаться в живых his one true Любовь and felt like dying. We tried to make him feel better but nothing helped. We asked him if he'd mind watching over Aurora while we put the rest of the kingdom to sleep. He agreed politely...but if he's not here...there's a chance he...oh dear, there's a chance he might have run in to...Maleficent."
    "Who's Maleficent?" asked Pea.
    "The mistress of all evil," answered Merryweather. "We must pray Conrad didn't пересекать, крест paths with her...she's incredibly devious. She kills innocent people for the joy of it."
    "You mean to say if Conrad went to the tower and Maleficent was there, he's probably...dead?" гороховый, горох was horrified.
    "Well, there's only one way to find out," сказал(-а) Flora. "Aurora, Phillip, Ты two must prepare for the ceremony."
    "Good luck," Aurora waved goodbye to гороховый, горох as she and Phillip headed down the tower stairs, hand in hand.
    "You, my dear, come with us," Flora told Pea. With a wave of their wands, the three Феи carried гороховый, горох throughout the castle. They searched everywhere, soaring through the sky. Princess гороховый, горох looked below them to see a balcony with Conrad lying on it.
    "NOOOOOO!" cried Pea. The Феи sadly descended her onto the balcony. "Why is he lying there? Why would Maleficent just take his life away?"
    "I'm so sorry, dear," Fauna was crying. "That's just how Maleficent's always been. She was heartless."
    Rain began to pour down on the balcony. гороховый, горох lay on вверх of Conrad's lifeless body. She wished еще than anything she could turn back time. "Conrad, wake up," гороховый, горох cried. "I don't know what my mother told Ты but it was a lie...please don't leave me like this...I'm alone in this world without you...wake up...I know I сказал(-а) I wanted a prince but I finally see that you are my prince, Ты always have been...PLEASE..."
    Pea sobbed, her tears landing uncontrollably as the rain poured down on her. "It's too late, Ты can't leave me, I'm already in Любовь with you!" She lay her head on his breathless chest.
    "There is, however, one remedy to Maleficent's spinning wheel curse," Flora realized. "The Kiss of true love."
    Pea turned back to Conrad's body and lifted his head up carefully. She gently kissed his soft lips. After a moment of thinking that Conrad would never come back to her, his eyes opened. He smiled up at Pea.
    "Pea? W-What are Ты doing here? I thought Ты were in Любовь with Prince Bartholomew..." he said, his voice soft and weak.
    "Two words," гороховый, горох smiled down at him, half laughing, half crying. "Bullshit."
    Conrad grinned and picked himself up off the ground. He lifted гороховый, горох into the air and spun her around. They kissed again.
     The three Феи cheered gleefully. Princess гороховый, горох had found her prince at last. Even though he wasn't technically a prince, he was the prince for her.
    The Далее afternoon, Princess гороховый, горох and Conrad married in the forest. Snow White, Mulan, Jasmine, Cinderella, Ariel, Tiana, Pocahontas, Belle, and Aurora were all present. From that день forward, Peanalita and Conrad spent their days together, madly in love.
    Although they bickered occasionally, it was always led to sizzling hot make-up sex. Princess гороховый, горох had learned so many things over the course of her journey. She'd learned that true happiness can't be bought. She'd learned that princes can be еще trouble than they're worth. Speaking of princes, after being abandoned at the altar, Bartholomew gave up on marriage and opened his own tattoo parlor...things are going great for him, if Ты exclude the fact he's being sued by Captain Hook for using an infected needle. гороховый, горох had also learned that there was a lot еще to herself than a pretty face, great hair, and expensive clothes. Speaking of clothes and great hair, Queen Annalynne was soon exiled from her own kingdom and now spends her days selling her designer clothes for Еда on a улица, уличный corner in Agrabah. Pea, however, was living blissfully with her man. гороховый, горох apologized to her father-in-law Leopold, who used to be her royal assistant, for all the years of hell she'd put him through. She sold all of her tiaras and used the money to build a fun boarding school for underprivileged little girls. She'd also learned that sometimes getting exiled from your own shallow life is just what Ты need to see the world еще clearly. Princess гороховый, горох now lived in a medium-sized cottage in the forest with her non-royal husband. She opened a clothing Магазин in the comfort of her own home. They eventually went through the trials and tribulations of raising two daughters. Not exactly the happily ever after гороховый, горох had always imagined. In fact, in spite of losing a fortune, she had gained everything that truly matters. And гороховый, горох had never been happier.
    "And not to be rude, but I'm like so sure that my happily ever after is way better than yours!" гороховый, горох grinned.