1. Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar.
2. Call him The-Guy-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live.
3. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say Ты taught him everything he knows.
4. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
5. Ask him when he last took a bath.
6. Pat him on the head and give him Цветы when his plans are foiled yet again
7. Play "knock and run" at his bedchamber door late at night.
8. Ask him why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something еще "sociably acceptable".
9. If Ты ever need to say "Like taking Конфеты from a baby", be sure to add: '"Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others." Stare pointedly at him.
10. When he tries to impress Ты with his immense powers, say "Awwwww, lookit, Voldie's got a twiggle!"
11. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like "You're the boss, boss" или "It's your funeral."
12. Buy him eye drops for "that dreadful redness".
13. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic "My sir, Ты look particularly menacing today."
14. Taunt him about his middle name. "Marvolo? What's that, a washing detergent?"
15. Keep a "good-behavior chart". Award points and give out Золото stars.
16. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
17. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...
18. Tell people "he's really just a big softie".
19. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
20. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
21. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
22. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
23. "Did Ты ever even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?"
24. Encourage him to "think happy thoughts"!
25. Ask him to give Ты written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
26. Sign him up for yoga class. Insist it is to "cleanse his soul".
27. Buy him a stress ball.
28. Hide his wand. Make him play the "hot and cold" game in order to get it back.
29. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one день rule the wizarding world.
30. Call him "Tommy-boy".
31. If you're feeling gutsy, call him "Voldie-poo".
32. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
33. Whack him in the arm and say "mosquito" - every few minutes.
34. If he asks Ты about his choice of robes, say he looked better under the turban.
35. Begin any Вопрос Ты ask him with "Riddle me this!" Emphasize on Riddle.
36. Imperio his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of "All Things Bright And Beautiful".
37. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright Цвета and glitter.
38. Throw him a Carebears-themed birthday party. Bake him a scar-shaped cake.
39. Tell him what Snape's really up to.
40. Politely exclaim now and again that Ты don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.
41. Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.
42. Tell him Ты know this great therapist in London....
43. Ask him if he's sure the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?
44. Tell him Lucius did it.
45. Write him a theme song. Start Пение it whenever he is about to do или say something particularly clever and nasty.
46. When he's done something particularly nasty - пересекать, крест your arms, waggle a finger and say "Now now, do Ты really think Salazar would have approved of that?"
47. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
48. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of "that sweet, innocent, cute little boy".
49. Ask him why he's afraid of an old man who looks like Santa Claus and why he can't fight babies.
50. Sign him up for Little League.
51. Cuddle him at Болталка moments.
52. Tell him that noses are back in style.
53. Be Harry Potter. Be Alive.
54. Call him "Champ" или "Tiger", refer to yourself as "Coach".
55. Ask him where he gets his garlic scented soap.
56. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you
57. ...at Christmas.
58. "Accidentally" schedule him a haircut
59. ...even though he's bald.
60. When he gives Ты an order, stare blankly at him and drool.
61. On the Далее Valentine's Day, decorate his lair
62. ...make sure the decorations are розовый and frilly.
63. Be offended by everthing he says.
64. Trade in his black robes for bunny feet pajamas.
65. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.
P.S. Make sure to print this Список on Harry Potter Stationary, get it laminated, and give it to him.
2. Call him The-Guy-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live.
3. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say Ты taught him everything he knows.
4. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
5. Ask him when he last took a bath.
6. Pat him on the head and give him Цветы when his plans are foiled yet again
7. Play "knock and run" at his bedchamber door late at night.
8. Ask him why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something еще "sociably acceptable".
9. If Ты ever need to say "Like taking Конфеты from a baby", be sure to add: '"Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others." Stare pointedly at him.
10. When he tries to impress Ты with his immense powers, say "Awwwww, lookit, Voldie's got a twiggle!"
11. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like "You're the boss, boss" или "It's your funeral."
12. Buy him eye drops for "that dreadful redness".
13. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic "My sir, Ты look particularly menacing today."
14. Taunt him about his middle name. "Marvolo? What's that, a washing detergent?"
15. Keep a "good-behavior chart". Award points and give out Золото stars.
16. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
17. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...
18. Tell people "he's really just a big softie".
19. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
20. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
21. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
22. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
23. "Did Ты ever even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?"
24. Encourage him to "think happy thoughts"!
25. Ask him to give Ты written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
26. Sign him up for yoga class. Insist it is to "cleanse his soul".
27. Buy him a stress ball.
28. Hide his wand. Make him play the "hot and cold" game in order to get it back.
29. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one день rule the wizarding world.
30. Call him "Tommy-boy".
31. If you're feeling gutsy, call him "Voldie-poo".
32. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
33. Whack him in the arm and say "mosquito" - every few minutes.
34. If he asks Ты about his choice of robes, say he looked better under the turban.
35. Begin any Вопрос Ты ask him with "Riddle me this!" Emphasize on Riddle.
36. Imperio his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of "All Things Bright And Beautiful".
37. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright Цвета and glitter.
38. Throw him a Carebears-themed birthday party. Bake him a scar-shaped cake.
39. Tell him what Snape's really up to.
40. Politely exclaim now and again that Ты don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.
41. Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.
42. Tell him Ты know this great therapist in London....
43. Ask him if he's sure the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?
44. Tell him Lucius did it.
45. Write him a theme song. Start Пение it whenever he is about to do или say something particularly clever and nasty.
46. When he's done something particularly nasty - пересекать, крест your arms, waggle a finger and say "Now now, do Ты really think Salazar would have approved of that?"
47. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
48. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of "that sweet, innocent, cute little boy".
49. Ask him why he's afraid of an old man who looks like Santa Claus and why he can't fight babies.
50. Sign him up for Little League.
51. Cuddle him at Болталка moments.
52. Tell him that noses are back in style.
53. Be Harry Potter. Be Alive.
54. Call him "Champ" или "Tiger", refer to yourself as "Coach".
55. Ask him where he gets his garlic scented soap.
56. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you
57. ...at Christmas.
58. "Accidentally" schedule him a haircut
59. ...even though he's bald.
60. When he gives Ты an order, stare blankly at him and drool.
61. On the Далее Valentine's Day, decorate his lair
62. ...make sure the decorations are розовый and frilly.
63. Be offended by everthing he says.
64. Trade in his black robes for bunny feet pajamas.
65. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.
P.S. Make sure to print this Список on Harry Potter Stationary, get it laminated, and give it to him.
