Hey people! I found some interesting things on fanfiction.net. If Ты guys have a fanfiction.net account, put ALL of these on your accounts!
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a огонь screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth или emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN Любовь WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS(or about to/want to), so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST Любовь fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and дата only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe Иисус WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black Друзья so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST Любовь watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST Любовь to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (unfortunately, I am crazy)
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay
I draw Аниме so I MUST be to a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST Любовь sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST Любовь hockey and beavers. (I hate hockey, but I Любовь beavers although I've never actually seen one.)
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney или a posh accent, Любовь чай and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like Яой или YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most Популярное person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a дерево hugging hippy
I have a Фан CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice Дети and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG или MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I Любовь YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, Аниме and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I Любовь marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am Друзья with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like огонь so I must be an arsonist
----------------------
FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Will comfort Ты when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for Ты when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps Ты up when Ты fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps Ты find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask Ты if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at Ты and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer Ты a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with Ты at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw Ты a tampon and push Ты in.
FRIENDS: Gives Ты their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run сука run!"
FRIENDS: Will help Ты move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help Ты Переместить the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail Ты out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room Далее to Ты saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat или drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why Ты have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail Ты out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting Далее to Ты sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!"
FRIENDS: Have never seen Ты cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else Ты cried...just laugh about it with Ты in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks Ты to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has Ты on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave Ты behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds жопа, попка that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: Ты have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from Ты when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at Ты stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! Ты know we don't waste!"
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this
When life hands Ты lemons, make виноград juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how Ты did it.
When life hands Ты lemons, throw 'em back and demand Edward (or Jasper lol)
If Ты think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them, copy and paste to your profile.
If Ты are a walking, talking Twilight series encyclopedia and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.
If Ты have spent a whole день Чтение Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, without any food, copy and paste this to your profile.
Ты know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volturi" to your computer's dictionary. If Ты have done just that, copy this into your profile.
If Ты have so many dreams about Twilight that Ты have Остаться в живых count, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at Ты wierd, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile.
Have Ты ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. (I found that I'm a very tough opponent.) If Ты have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты find Spongebob funny SOMETIMES, but most of the time he is SO annoying Ты want to throw the TV out the window, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты absolutely are TERRIFIED of spiders, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever pulled on a door that сказал(-а) push, или vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile. (More like all night! :D)
If Болталка songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of Ты because of its effects copy this into your profile.
If Ты are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, Чтение numerous Фан fictions, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile.
Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If Ты are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
People say that I'm weird, but I think that weird is strange, and strange is odd, and odd is different, and different is unique, and everyone is unique, so unique is normal, so therefore I am normal. If the same is true for you, copy this onto your profile!
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this to your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты like smiley faces, then copy this into your Профиль XD
If Ты read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If Ты are Чтение this line, copy and paste it in ur profile.
If your Профиль is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If Ты realize that copying and pasting things into your Профиль is pointless, yet Ты do it anyways, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты are not sure if Ты find these 'copy and paste things' annoying или if Ты Любовь them, copy and paste this on your profile.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and Ты can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azmanig huh?
Ты know you're obsessed with Twilight when..
1) Ты have read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse at least 3 times.
2) Ты own all above mentioned books.
3) Ты know that they're totally going to screw up Twilight the Movie, and
Ты want to see it anyway.
4) Ты have read everything on every page of Stephanie Meyers web site.
5) Ты have reread a lot of these pages.
6) Ты read fanfiction about Twilight.
7) Ты write fanfiction about Twilight.
8) At one point или another, Ты have had a screenname/username that says
something about Twilight или its characters.
9) Ты constantly count the days until Breaking Dawn comes out.
10) For a long while after Ты read Twilight/New Moon, Ты acted as a
missionary for the books, asking everyone Ты talked to if the had read
them.
11) If сказал(-а) people have not read Twilight, Ты insist that they read it,
because it is, and I quote, "the best book ever".
12) If anyone says something that goes against the statement that Twilight
is the best book on the planet, Ты immediately start to argue with them.
13) Ты stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic Любовь story(and yes, believe it или not, I do know someone who has сказал(-а) this!) should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off.
14) For months after Ты read it, Twilight was your Избранное subject to talk
about.
15) When Ты found out Ты would have to wait until August of 2007 for
Eclipse to come out, Ты almost cried.(AN: this one kinda depends on when
Ты read the first two books, I guess!)
16) Ты argue with your Друзья over which member of the Cullen family you
like best.
17) Ты began Чтение fanfiction as a desperate attempt to read something
about Twilight, when Ты had already finished the books.
18) No matter how many times Ты read Twilight или Twilight-related stories,
Ты never get tired of it.
19) As Ты read this list, Ты are smiling and nodding at almost every thing
Ты read.
20) Even though Ты know it's impossible, Ты often wish that Ты were a
vampire.
21) Вампиры are officially your Избранное mythical creature ever.
22) Your personal Слоган is, Вампиры are cool, not scary.
23) Ты know that Ты are not crazy for being obsessed with Twilight; people
who don't understand it just haven't read the book.
24) When Ты hear that someone read Twilight and didn't like it или thought
it was stupid, Ты just shake your head and sigh.
26). Ты literally haunt Stephenie Meyer's website waiting for new information
27). You're driving your parents mad with your crazy countdowns
28). You're keeping track of all the "Breaking Dawn Цитаты of the Day" and trying to figure out what they all mean
29). Your Главная page is Stephenie Meyer's website
30). Your desktop has something to do with the Twilight Series
31). Your screen saver reads "Twilight Movie: November 21"
32). Ты have both the original New Moon book and the New Moon Special Edition
33). Ты put your Eclipse poster in plain view so that everyone can see it
34). Ты can't believe that most people haven't read the books
35). Ты know all the characters so well that Ты feel as if Ты could write your own stories about them
36). Ты spend most of your день making up "What if...?" Вопросы about all the different plot lines
37). You've actually read the play "Romeo & Juliet" just so Ты could find out how Jacob would die
38). Ты know you're addicted, but Ты don't care
39). Ты can't help saying, "I can't wait for August 2nd!" while everyone who isn't "in the know" stares at Ты like you're psyco
40). You're еще excited about the release of Eclipse than anything to do with Harry Potter
41). When Ты found out that Breaking Dawn wasn't coming out until 2008, Ты have a mental breakdown
42). When Ты found out about Midnight Sun Ты had yet another mental breakdown
43.) Ты ACTUALLY noticed there was no 25.
If Ты have ever tripped over your own feet, copy an dpaste this to your profile.
If Ты think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты ever forgotten what Ты were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты support the "Make Edward change Bella into a vampire" club, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты have ever pushed on a door that сказал(-а) "pull" или vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your Профиль is this long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If Ты have AACIBD Addicted to All Cullens Including Bella Disorder copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты are absolutely in Любовь with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты think Jacob should just stay a friend and have a happy ending copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты are so obsessed with Twilight that it's NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты Live In America, Ты post this
Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever)
1. Only in America...can a пицца get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless утиль, барахло, мусор in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we buy hot Собаки in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
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Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. Ты can enjoy the boquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True Любовь knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real Вампиры sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about еще than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Любовь means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Космос heaters can be very annoying.
30. Любовь can make even the most miserable places paradise.
--------------
7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher сказал(-а) it was physically impossible for a кит to глотать, ласточка a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a кит could not глотать, ласточка a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then Ты ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The te acher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, или looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six год olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One день a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the кухня sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that Ты do something wrong and make me cry или unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when Ты are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' или 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as Ты know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the таблица was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and Опубликовано on the яблоко tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the таблица was a large pile of Шоколад chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all Ты want. God is watching the apples."
---------
This is Опубликовано on the Emmett4ever spot as well, but it's originally from fanfiction.net :)
Bella: Do I ever пересекать, крест your mind?
Edward: No
Bella: Do Ты like me?
Edward: No
Bella: Do Ты want me?
Edward: No
Bella: Would Ты cry if I left?
Edward: No
Bella: Would Ты live for me?
Edward: No
Bella: Would Ты do anything for me?
Edward: No
Bella: Choose--me или your life
Edward: My life
Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...
The reason Ты never пересекать, крест my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like Ты is because I Любовь you.
The reason I don't want Ты is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if Ты left is because I would die if Ты left.
The reason I wouldn't live for Ты is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do Ты anything for Ты is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because Ты ARE my life.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a огонь screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth или emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN Любовь WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS(or about to/want to), so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST Любовь fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and дата only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe Иисус WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black Друзья so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST Любовь watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST Любовь to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (unfortunately, I am crazy)
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay
I draw Аниме so I MUST be to a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST Любовь sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST Любовь hockey and beavers. (I hate hockey, but I Любовь beavers although I've never actually seen one.)
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney или a posh accent, Любовь чай and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like Яой или YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most Популярное person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a дерево hugging hippy
I have a Фан CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice Дети and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG или MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I Любовь YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, Аниме and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I Любовь marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am Друзья with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like огонь so I must be an arsonist
----------------------
FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Will comfort Ты when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for Ты when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps Ты up when Ты fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps Ты find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask Ты if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at Ты and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer Ты a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with Ты at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw Ты a tampon and push Ты in.
FRIENDS: Gives Ты their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run сука run!"
FRIENDS: Will help Ты move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help Ты Переместить the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail Ты out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room Далее to Ты saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat или drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why Ты have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail Ты out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting Далее to Ты sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!"
FRIENDS: Have never seen Ты cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else Ты cried...just laugh about it with Ты in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks Ты to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has Ты on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave Ты behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds жопа, попка that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: Ты have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from Ты when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at Ты stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! Ты know we don't waste!"
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this
When life hands Ты lemons, make виноград juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how Ты did it.
When life hands Ты lemons, throw 'em back and demand Edward (or Jasper lol)
If Ты think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them, copy and paste to your profile.
If Ты are a walking, talking Twilight series encyclopedia and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.
If Ты have spent a whole день Чтение Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, without any food, copy and paste this to your profile.
Ты know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volturi" to your computer's dictionary. If Ты have done just that, copy this into your profile.
If Ты have so many dreams about Twilight that Ты have Остаться в живых count, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at Ты wierd, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile.
Have Ты ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. (I found that I'm a very tough opponent.) If Ты have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты find Spongebob funny SOMETIMES, but most of the time he is SO annoying Ты want to throw the TV out the window, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты absolutely are TERRIFIED of spiders, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever pulled on a door that сказал(-а) push, или vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile. (More like all night! :D)
If Болталка songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.
If Ты have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of Ты because of its effects copy this into your profile.
If Ты are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, Чтение numerous Фан fictions, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile.
Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If Ты are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
People say that I'm weird, but I think that weird is strange, and strange is odd, and odd is different, and different is unique, and everyone is unique, so unique is normal, so therefore I am normal. If the same is true for you, copy this onto your profile!
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this to your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты like smiley faces, then copy this into your Профиль XD
If Ты read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If Ты are Чтение this line, copy and paste it in ur profile.
If your Профиль is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If Ты realize that copying and pasting things into your Профиль is pointless, yet Ты do it anyways, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты are not sure if Ты find these 'copy and paste things' annoying или if Ты Любовь them, copy and paste this on your profile.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and Ты can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azmanig huh?
Ты know you're obsessed with Twilight when..
1) Ты have read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse at least 3 times.
2) Ты own all above mentioned books.
3) Ты know that they're totally going to screw up Twilight the Movie, and
Ты want to see it anyway.
4) Ты have read everything on every page of Stephanie Meyers web site.
5) Ты have reread a lot of these pages.
6) Ты read fanfiction about Twilight.
7) Ты write fanfiction about Twilight.
8) At one point или another, Ты have had a screenname/username that says
something about Twilight или its characters.
9) Ты constantly count the days until Breaking Dawn comes out.
10) For a long while after Ты read Twilight/New Moon, Ты acted as a
missionary for the books, asking everyone Ты talked to if the had read
them.
11) If сказал(-а) people have not read Twilight, Ты insist that they read it,
because it is, and I quote, "the best book ever".
12) If anyone says something that goes against the statement that Twilight
is the best book on the planet, Ты immediately start to argue with them.
13) Ты stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic Любовь story(and yes, believe it или not, I do know someone who has сказал(-а) this!) should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off.
14) For months after Ты read it, Twilight was your Избранное subject to talk
about.
15) When Ты found out Ты would have to wait until August of 2007 for
Eclipse to come out, Ты almost cried.(AN: this one kinda depends on when
Ты read the first two books, I guess!)
16) Ты argue with your Друзья over which member of the Cullen family you
like best.
17) Ты began Чтение fanfiction as a desperate attempt to read something
about Twilight, when Ты had already finished the books.
18) No matter how many times Ты read Twilight или Twilight-related stories,
Ты never get tired of it.
19) As Ты read this list, Ты are smiling and nodding at almost every thing
Ты read.
20) Even though Ты know it's impossible, Ты often wish that Ты were a
vampire.
21) Вампиры are officially your Избранное mythical creature ever.
22) Your personal Слоган is, Вампиры are cool, not scary.
23) Ты know that Ты are not crazy for being obsessed with Twilight; people
who don't understand it just haven't read the book.
24) When Ты hear that someone read Twilight and didn't like it или thought
it was stupid, Ты just shake your head and sigh.
26). Ты literally haunt Stephenie Meyer's website waiting for new information
27). You're driving your parents mad with your crazy countdowns
28). You're keeping track of all the "Breaking Dawn Цитаты of the Day" and trying to figure out what they all mean
29). Your Главная page is Stephenie Meyer's website
30). Your desktop has something to do with the Twilight Series
31). Your screen saver reads "Twilight Movie: November 21"
32). Ты have both the original New Moon book and the New Moon Special Edition
33). Ты put your Eclipse poster in plain view so that everyone can see it
34). Ты can't believe that most people haven't read the books
35). Ты know all the characters so well that Ты feel as if Ты could write your own stories about them
36). Ты spend most of your день making up "What if...?" Вопросы about all the different plot lines
37). You've actually read the play "Romeo & Juliet" just so Ты could find out how Jacob would die
38). Ты know you're addicted, but Ты don't care
39). Ты can't help saying, "I can't wait for August 2nd!" while everyone who isn't "in the know" stares at Ты like you're psyco
40). You're еще excited about the release of Eclipse than anything to do with Harry Potter
41). When Ты found out that Breaking Dawn wasn't coming out until 2008, Ты have a mental breakdown
42). When Ты found out about Midnight Sun Ты had yet another mental breakdown
43.) Ты ACTUALLY noticed there was no 25.
If Ты have ever tripped over your own feet, copy an dpaste this to your profile.
If Ты think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this to your profile.
If Ты ever forgotten what Ты were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты support the "Make Edward change Bella into a vampire" club, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты have ever pushed on a door that сказал(-а) "pull" или vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your Профиль is this long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If Ты have AACIBD Addicted to All Cullens Including Bella Disorder copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты are absolutely in Любовь with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты think Jacob should just stay a friend and have a happy ending copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты are so obsessed with Twilight that it's NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile.
If Ты Live In America, Ты post this
Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever)
1. Only in America...can a пицца get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless утиль, барахло, мусор in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we buy hot Собаки in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
-------------
Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. Ты can enjoy the boquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True Любовь knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real Вампиры sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about еще than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Любовь means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Космос heaters can be very annoying.
30. Любовь can make even the most miserable places paradise.
--------------
7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher сказал(-а) it was physically impossible for a кит to глотать, ласточка a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a кит could not глотать, ласточка a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then Ты ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The te acher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, или looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six год olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One день a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the кухня sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that Ты do something wrong and make me cry или unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when Ты are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' или 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as Ты know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the таблица was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and Опубликовано on the яблоко tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the таблица was a large pile of Шоколад chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all Ты want. God is watching the apples."
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This is Опубликовано on the Emmett4ever spot as well, but it's originally from fanfiction.net :)
Bella: Do I ever пересекать, крест your mind?
Edward: No
Bella: Do Ты like me?
Edward: No
Bella: Do Ты want me?
Edward: No
Bella: Would Ты cry if I left?
Edward: No
Bella: Would Ты live for me?
Edward: No
Bella: Would Ты do anything for me?
Edward: No
Bella: Choose--me или your life
Edward: My life
Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...
The reason Ты never пересекать, крест my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like Ты is because I Любовь you.
The reason I don't want Ты is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if Ты left is because I would die if Ты left.
The reason I wouldn't live for Ты is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do Ты anything for Ты is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because Ты ARE my life.
