Looking around the dark, inviting room, thinking of life. It’s funny how Ты get thrown into things. The room Ты are in, for whatever reason. The things around you. Ты must’ve came to like them in some way, how though? Did it capture interest? Is it something a friend has gave you?
    How did I get to this point? Feeling fiction from Чтение или Письмо is life, instead of my own. Wanting to be cast as characters in stories, but not my own life. Anxiety grows to be еще like fictitious characters. I don’t understand my own life these days. All jumbled up, and disconnecting.
    Anxiety like panic attacks hit me randomly. Especially when thinking of fiction. сердце races, nausea, dizzy spells, sometimes hallucinations, mainly when up a three a.m.
Closed-off, grumpy, thoughtful, manipulative, private, shy, ignorance despising, hypocritical just a few words to describe me. Everyone can be hypocritical. We are all so cruel in our own way.
    No one can comfort me, nor do I feel anyone will listen. The ones who would, I’m terrified to talk to. I’ve driven myself to the point I feel like Любовь isn’t real, and I’m silenced, and broken. I’m a fake, supportive, third wheel. I’m a sad head case that’s why I refuse to unload on anyone. I seem pathetic, even to myself.
    I want to sob, yet I can’t seem to find tears anymore. They’ve evaporated. A few people make my сердце crack when my eyes fall upon them. еще tears gone. My hate toward Любовь grows.
    A close friend, she jumps on me for treating guys as if they’re disposable. I know she is right. Why do I? No one holds interest, commitment problems, scared, annoyance, I don’t know! I don’t know if I believe in love, или not. I want to, but its risky.
    What is love? An orgasm with a lover? An I Любовь Ты from your mother? A pat on the back from your best friend forever? A peck on the cheek from the boy Далее door, или the last Kiss on the lips from an older couple saying goodbye? But there is no goodbye. For, we Любовь even in death. There is no till death do we part.
    Life will neve ber fully comprehendible. Never an answer to the why. Live, and don’t wait to die! Push it back, for it will cause worry, and anxiety. Live with happiness, not fear, and think about this for you’ve never thought of it before. Though, its has been сказал(-а) more, and more.
    You only live once. Ты have a good forty years at the least. Four decades if your lucky. If your really lucky, longer. Then, your gone, no house, no friends, no air, no body, nothing, but your soul, and the afterlife. This is it, so make it count.
    No. I refuse to let myself be roped back into this…must...break…free…before...all….hell…breaks loose……….
    Black…It’s all black…