Nick pulls up to the curb and knows something is wrong the минута I get in the car;
“Grace, what the hell were Ты doing out there in the rain?” he asks, breaking his own rules. “It’s freezing out there, sweetheart,” he says, cranking the heater up all the way. “I mean really Grace, are Ты okay?” he asks, placing his hand on my knee.
I глотать, ласточка and кошелек my lips, trying to clear my throat because it’s so dry from crying.
“Nick,” I breathe, moving closer to his face, my hands hesitating around the pile of CD's in between us, trying to get a grip on something so I don't topple all over him. He watches me, waiting for me to do what I want and when my lips hit his, it was like a Предварительный просмотр of what I just did with Tom started playing in my head over and over again, faster and faster each time; Like a never ending train wreck. And the harder I kissed Nick, the еще passion I put out towards him, the еще I saw Tom in my head. Before I know it, I'm still Поцелуи him, but tears are running down my face and he's trying to hinder me off him; I've leached myself on вверх of him and nearly had my tongue down his throat. That's when he realized that something was up, when the tears started to shed, so I quickly stopped myself and unleashed from him. He just sat there kind of dazed, staring out in to the misty outside as I watch him.
When he finally looks at me, his face is sullen, like I’ve actually told him what I did. I try to talk again, but it just isn’t working. I keep my Комментарии to myself, biting my bottom lip as he tries to start multiple sentences, until I can't take the silence anymore and I just blurt out;
"I Любовь you, Nick."
I knew that would get his attention. His head swivels around slowly and his pretty brown eyes meet mine.
"What?" he asks, voice a whisper.
"You heard me, Nick," I murmur.
"Yeah, but I just wasn't expecting that . . . или what Ты did before either. And, why were Ты crying? What happened back there?" he asks, not necessarily directing the "back there" to a specific spot.
"I'm sorry," I say, looking down at my hands.
"Why are Ты sorry, Gracie? Ты have nothing to be sorry for. Do you?" he asks, moving his hand over to my left hand.
I глотать, ласточка and trace the lines in his hand with my finger, "Can we just go home?" I whisper.
I look over at him, just a peek and he sighs, hangs his head and agrees with my question.
The ride to his house was long and quiet; Neither of us сказал(-а) a word until we were standing at his front door, like the first night we had sex. The rain was still pouring as we stood there and he flipped through his keys.
"Lexi isn't home?" I ask, both of us now in the house, sitting on the couch.
"She took the baby to her mom's. They don't have a good relationship and her mom really never gets to see Sheri, so she decided to take a trip," he says, totally out of it, kinda angry actually.
"Does that make Ты sad, that she didn't take you, Nick?"
"No, I'm just sick of putting up with her shit," he says, arm stretching around my shoulders and pulling me into the crook of his neck.
"You know what this reminds me of Nick?" I ask, looking up at his face, his eyes darting down to mine.
"What?" he murmurs in my ear.
"The first night I came here, when we first made Любовь and we lied to my mom," I say, intertwining our fingers together.
"Except that night," he whispers, "it was snowing."
"You remembered," I smile.
"Of course I do," he leans down and kisses my forehead. "Grace, I was to shocked when Ты сказал(-а) Ты loved me to respond and I feel like an idiot for it, so I'll say what I wanted to now," he pauses and I turn around in his lap so I can see his face.
"Nick, Ты don't have to say what Ты don't want to. That was my time to tell Ты and if Ты don't feel the same way, well Ты don't have to say it if Ты don't want to," I say, not knowing for sure if it really made any sense at all.
"Grace," he mumbles, "you’re babbling. Now, quit being so dramatic okay? I Любовь Ты and I want to be with you, not Lexi или anybody else, just you," he says, Поцелуи the вверх of my head.
"I slept with another guy," I mumble so fast it probably sounds like gibberish.
"What love?"
I глотать, ласточка slowly and then look away from his face as I say it again. I wait for a few секунды so he can respond, but he doesn't say anything.
"I slept with this junior at school because he comforted me while I was having a hard time with Lola," I try to get out as fast as possible.
He doesn't say anything, he swallows, looks вперед then at me, he closes his eyes, "But Ты just. . ."
"I know. I didn't mean to sleep with him Nick, it just happened. I Любовь you, and I . . . I don't know why I did that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I say, sobbing now.
He maneuvers his arms around my shoulders, "Oh sugar, don't cry. Don't cry and don't be sorry. If Ты feel sorry, then I'm gonna feel sorry and I don't want us to be like this. I want us to be happy and if Ты want me to beat some shit out of some asshole, then I can," he says, gliding his nose on my cheek.
"Nick, aren't Ты mad at me? I thought Ты would be mad at me for sleeping with another. . ." he cuts me off with clasping his lips to mine.
We lay there, lip locked, not trying to take each other's clothes off, not trying to get in each other's pants, but just kissing. Then, suddenly he's talking;
"Gracie, did Ты want to sleep with this guy? Was it that Tom?" he asks, trying to get me to look up at him.
"Yes it was and," I take a breath, "Yes I did, but then . . . afterwards, because we didn't use . . . protection, he сказал(-а) it was my fault and he was just Актёрское искусство like a bastard!" I started out calm
"Gracie, just calm down, I'm not mad at Ты and that guy, is missing out on the best girl in all of Bryer County," he says, so forgiving and loving. "He's a dick head for yelling at you, but why did Ты do it Gracie? That's all I want to know," he asks, so soothing.
"Because I'm a slut," I shrug my shoulders.
"Your not a slut," he defense me.
"I don't know. Because, I needed someone to comfort me and that asshole was there,"
"Were Ты pushed into it? Was he the one who wanted to get in your pants?" he asks, so unaware of all the embarrassing figures of this conversation, just getting down to the base of this situation.
"If your asking if he likes me, then yeah, that's what he said, but it doesn't amount to anything for me," I say, looking up into his eyes.
"Exactly, so why wouldn I be mad at you?"
"But, I slept with another guy! Ты should be cussing me out and everything!"
"Yell at you? Why in the world would I yell at you? I Любовь you, and I forgive you. I'm not gonna yell at you," he says, pulling me closer to him, into his lap.
I take a heavy sigh, "Nick! I can't take it! I feel like shit for cheating on you, please just yell at me, или I'm gonna go crazy!" I shriek.
He pulls me a little away from his chest and our eyes lock, "I can't believe you, Grace Yivet Lewis! You've seduced a married man, made him fall in Любовь with Ты and then Ты go and seduce a little boy? How dare you?" he laughs. "Your just to fuckin' cute to resist, everybody wants a piece of Ты and I guess I'm just gonna have to fight for ya, am I? Well, Graciebaby, I Любовь ya. If Ты want to sleep with other guys, as long as your happy, then do it. If I have a part of you, then that little part can get me through the shitty days without you," he starts out opposite of me; a little angry then really peaceful and caring.
"How can Ты be so forgiving? With such few Вопросы and explanations? I'll never be as forgiving and caring and sweet as you. I'll always be just a slut," I say, hanging my head.
His body detensafies as I feel the warmth humidity of his long fingers caress my chin and pull up my head; "Your not a slut, llove; Your a teenage girl," he mumbles.
"Oh, and that gives me an even bigger reason to sleep around? That should mean that I shouldn't even be sleeping with anyone; I should be sleeping alone," I say, not neccessarily grumpy, just wanting him to be mad at me, for once.
"And why aren't Ты angry at me? I was waiting for the wrath of a million angry chipmunks!" I say, with very little convection.
"Chipmunks? Really? I thought I'd be еще like a mountain lion!" he exclaims, then pulls me into his arms, even tighter and lies down on the couch; My hair falling in his face. "Plus, Ты did it out of pitty. NOt intentionally trying to hurt me. I mean, yes, I am kinda a little mad at Ты for sleeping with another guy, but that will never amount to anything if I yell at youand then we're both mad at each other for something totally stpid," he says, calmly, intertwining our fingers in and out. "Just promise me this," he sasks in an even lower voice than before; "never do it again, please."
"I promise."
I want to tell him so much, but these two little words of truthfulness and honesty are just enough. I want to ask him about Lexi,; if he still has sex with her and if he would want to keep the baby if they were to divorce. I want to know if he thinks this thing we have will amount to anything. I guess, if Ты think about all this, it's really stpid; He's not cheating onme with another girl, he's not angry with me for sleeping with another guy - even though he has all the rights in the world too be- he's a great, loving guy who cares for me. Why am I being so damn stubborn? I should be completely happy and content with Nick, bur for some reason или another, I'm not.
“Grace, what the hell were Ты doing out there in the rain?” he asks, breaking his own rules. “It’s freezing out there, sweetheart,” he says, cranking the heater up all the way. “I mean really Grace, are Ты okay?” he asks, placing his hand on my knee.
I глотать, ласточка and кошелек my lips, trying to clear my throat because it’s so dry from crying.
“Nick,” I breathe, moving closer to his face, my hands hesitating around the pile of CD's in between us, trying to get a grip on something so I don't topple all over him. He watches me, waiting for me to do what I want and when my lips hit his, it was like a Предварительный просмотр of what I just did with Tom started playing in my head over and over again, faster and faster each time; Like a never ending train wreck. And the harder I kissed Nick, the еще passion I put out towards him, the еще I saw Tom in my head. Before I know it, I'm still Поцелуи him, but tears are running down my face and he's trying to hinder me off him; I've leached myself on вверх of him and nearly had my tongue down his throat. That's when he realized that something was up, when the tears started to shed, so I quickly stopped myself and unleashed from him. He just sat there kind of dazed, staring out in to the misty outside as I watch him.
When he finally looks at me, his face is sullen, like I’ve actually told him what I did. I try to talk again, but it just isn’t working. I keep my Комментарии to myself, biting my bottom lip as he tries to start multiple sentences, until I can't take the silence anymore and I just blurt out;
"I Любовь you, Nick."
I knew that would get his attention. His head swivels around slowly and his pretty brown eyes meet mine.
"What?" he asks, voice a whisper.
"You heard me, Nick," I murmur.
"Yeah, but I just wasn't expecting that . . . или what Ты did before either. And, why were Ты crying? What happened back there?" he asks, not necessarily directing the "back there" to a specific spot.
"I'm sorry," I say, looking down at my hands.
"Why are Ты sorry, Gracie? Ты have nothing to be sorry for. Do you?" he asks, moving his hand over to my left hand.
I глотать, ласточка and trace the lines in his hand with my finger, "Can we just go home?" I whisper.
I look over at him, just a peek and he sighs, hangs his head and agrees with my question.
The ride to his house was long and quiet; Neither of us сказал(-а) a word until we were standing at his front door, like the first night we had sex. The rain was still pouring as we stood there and he flipped through his keys.
"Lexi isn't home?" I ask, both of us now in the house, sitting on the couch.
"She took the baby to her mom's. They don't have a good relationship and her mom really never gets to see Sheri, so she decided to take a trip," he says, totally out of it, kinda angry actually.
"Does that make Ты sad, that she didn't take you, Nick?"
"No, I'm just sick of putting up with her shit," he says, arm stretching around my shoulders and pulling me into the crook of his neck.
"You know what this reminds me of Nick?" I ask, looking up at his face, his eyes darting down to mine.
"What?" he murmurs in my ear.
"The first night I came here, when we first made Любовь and we lied to my mom," I say, intertwining our fingers together.
"Except that night," he whispers, "it was snowing."
"You remembered," I smile.
"Of course I do," he leans down and kisses my forehead. "Grace, I was to shocked when Ты сказал(-а) Ты loved me to respond and I feel like an idiot for it, so I'll say what I wanted to now," he pauses and I turn around in his lap so I can see his face.
"Nick, Ты don't have to say what Ты don't want to. That was my time to tell Ты and if Ты don't feel the same way, well Ты don't have to say it if Ты don't want to," I say, not knowing for sure if it really made any sense at all.
"Grace," he mumbles, "you’re babbling. Now, quit being so dramatic okay? I Любовь Ты and I want to be with you, not Lexi или anybody else, just you," he says, Поцелуи the вверх of my head.
"I slept with another guy," I mumble so fast it probably sounds like gibberish.
"What love?"
I глотать, ласточка slowly and then look away from his face as I say it again. I wait for a few секунды so he can respond, but he doesn't say anything.
"I slept with this junior at school because he comforted me while I was having a hard time with Lola," I try to get out as fast as possible.
He doesn't say anything, he swallows, looks вперед then at me, he closes his eyes, "But Ты just. . ."
"I know. I didn't mean to sleep with him Nick, it just happened. I Любовь you, and I . . . I don't know why I did that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I say, sobbing now.
He maneuvers his arms around my shoulders, "Oh sugar, don't cry. Don't cry and don't be sorry. If Ты feel sorry, then I'm gonna feel sorry and I don't want us to be like this. I want us to be happy and if Ты want me to beat some shit out of some asshole, then I can," he says, gliding his nose on my cheek.
"Nick, aren't Ты mad at me? I thought Ты would be mad at me for sleeping with another. . ." he cuts me off with clasping his lips to mine.
We lay there, lip locked, not trying to take each other's clothes off, not trying to get in each other's pants, but just kissing. Then, suddenly he's talking;
"Gracie, did Ты want to sleep with this guy? Was it that Tom?" he asks, trying to get me to look up at him.
"Yes it was and," I take a breath, "Yes I did, but then . . . afterwards, because we didn't use . . . protection, he сказал(-а) it was my fault and he was just Актёрское искусство like a bastard!" I started out calm
"Gracie, just calm down, I'm not mad at Ты and that guy, is missing out on the best girl in all of Bryer County," he says, so forgiving and loving. "He's a dick head for yelling at you, but why did Ты do it Gracie? That's all I want to know," he asks, so soothing.
"Because I'm a slut," I shrug my shoulders.
"Your not a slut," he defense me.
"I don't know. Because, I needed someone to comfort me and that asshole was there,"
"Were Ты pushed into it? Was he the one who wanted to get in your pants?" he asks, so unaware of all the embarrassing figures of this conversation, just getting down to the base of this situation.
"If your asking if he likes me, then yeah, that's what he said, but it doesn't amount to anything for me," I say, looking up into his eyes.
"Exactly, so why wouldn I be mad at you?"
"But, I slept with another guy! Ты should be cussing me out and everything!"
"Yell at you? Why in the world would I yell at you? I Любовь you, and I forgive you. I'm not gonna yell at you," he says, pulling me closer to him, into his lap.
I take a heavy sigh, "Nick! I can't take it! I feel like shit for cheating on you, please just yell at me, или I'm gonna go crazy!" I shriek.
He pulls me a little away from his chest and our eyes lock, "I can't believe you, Grace Yivet Lewis! You've seduced a married man, made him fall in Любовь with Ты and then Ты go and seduce a little boy? How dare you?" he laughs. "Your just to fuckin' cute to resist, everybody wants a piece of Ты and I guess I'm just gonna have to fight for ya, am I? Well, Graciebaby, I Любовь ya. If Ты want to sleep with other guys, as long as your happy, then do it. If I have a part of you, then that little part can get me through the shitty days without you," he starts out opposite of me; a little angry then really peaceful and caring.
"How can Ты be so forgiving? With such few Вопросы and explanations? I'll never be as forgiving and caring and sweet as you. I'll always be just a slut," I say, hanging my head.
His body detensafies as I feel the warmth humidity of his long fingers caress my chin and pull up my head; "Your not a slut, llove; Your a teenage girl," he mumbles.
"Oh, and that gives me an even bigger reason to sleep around? That should mean that I shouldn't even be sleeping with anyone; I should be sleeping alone," I say, not neccessarily grumpy, just wanting him to be mad at me, for once.
"And why aren't Ты angry at me? I was waiting for the wrath of a million angry chipmunks!" I say, with very little convection.
"Chipmunks? Really? I thought I'd be еще like a mountain lion!" he exclaims, then pulls me into his arms, even tighter and lies down on the couch; My hair falling in his face. "Plus, Ты did it out of pitty. NOt intentionally trying to hurt me. I mean, yes, I am kinda a little mad at Ты for sleeping with another guy, but that will never amount to anything if I yell at youand then we're both mad at each other for something totally stpid," he says, calmly, intertwining our fingers in and out. "Just promise me this," he sasks in an even lower voice than before; "never do it again, please."
"I promise."
I want to tell him so much, but these two little words of truthfulness and honesty are just enough. I want to ask him about Lexi,; if he still has sex with her and if he would want to keep the baby if they were to divorce. I want to know if he thinks this thing we have will amount to anything. I guess, if Ты think about all this, it's really stpid; He's not cheating onme with another girl, he's not angry with me for sleeping with another guy - even though he has all the rights in the world too be- he's a great, loving guy who cares for me. Why am I being so damn stubborn? I should be completely happy and content with Nick, bur for some reason или another, I'm not.
I know the way it eats your mind
The way your brain, eaten up
The one that leaves Ты silent, blind
Long after you've had enough
I know the way it devours your thoughts
The way Ты feel confused
It feels like a million knots
It leaves Ты feeling used
I know the way it stabs your сердце
The way it leaves Ты here to bleed
It makes quite sure to tear Ты apart
The time Ты really need
I know the way it hurts your feelings
The way it leaves Ты blue
Ты say Ты see, when not really seeing
Ты say Ты know, but that's not true
I know the way Ты try and hide it
But then Ты know you'll always find it
In the trees and in the gravel
This lie Ты call friendship, I can't unravel.
The way your brain, eaten up
The one that leaves Ты silent, blind
Long after you've had enough
I know the way it devours your thoughts
The way Ты feel confused
It feels like a million knots
It leaves Ты feeling used
I know the way it stabs your сердце
The way it leaves Ты here to bleed
It makes quite sure to tear Ты apart
The time Ты really need
I know the way it hurts your feelings
The way it leaves Ты blue
Ты say Ты see, when not really seeing
Ты say Ты know, but that's not true
I know the way Ты try and hide it
But then Ты know you'll always find it
In the trees and in the gravel
This lie Ты call friendship, I can't unravel.