Say no more, look no further! :{D
1.
Two guys are taking the subway. One of them had a bunch of bananas and a jar of musterd. He peeled a banana, dipped it in the mustard and threw it out of the window. The other guy looked at him weird, but decided not to say anything. After a минута или two, he did the same thing. Peeled the banana, put it in the mustard, and threw it out of the subway train!
"Why on Earth are Ты doing that." the guy said.
"Hell, do you like bananas with mustard?"
2.
Two guys, Buck and Jamie, were sitting with Mindy, Jamie's girlfriend, in a bar chatting. Buck was amorously glancing towards Mindy, but carefully of course, as Jamie is very jealous. When Jamie got to the bathroom real quick, Mindy whispered Buck hastily:
"Grab your chance! Now!!"
Buck looked around nervously, and drank Jamie's пиво up in 1 draft, and ran away.
3.
Why do Japanese students always have such a high IQ? Ever seen a blonde Japanese kid?
4.
I used to hate weddingparties when I was younger. Everyone gave me a poke in my side, saying:
"Hey, when will it be your turn?"
They all stopped when I began doing the same thing... on funerals.
5.
"Tell me, Rose. You're married to an archaeologist, right? Isn't that boring?"
"Not at all! The older I get, the еще interesting I get to him!"
6.
So once upon a time there was a doctor who had sex with his patient. He has so many regret for it that his concious started to play games with him. To calm himself down, he continuously told himself:
"It's not that bad. You're not the first doctor who's been in постель, кровати with his patient, and you're certainly not going to be the last."
But then his other half pulled him inside the real world again, saying:
"But buddy... you're an animal doctor...
7.
So this blonde girl walked into a store.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with dark hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with purple hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl asked:
"I don't get it, I'm not even blonde anymore, why wouldn't Ты sell me that tv, mister?"
"Because this is a microwave!"
8.
Why did Napoleon wear a red vest? Because he was a hero whose environment wouldn't notice a thing if he was injured.
So now we know why Hitler wore brown pants.
9.
It's a warm, sunny say on the funeral. An old man was standing Далее to an open grave, as a boy walked by and said:
"Feels great, huh gramps, taking a breath of fresh air?"
10.
Yesterday I've witnessed the greatest thing. I got Главная from an evening at the pub (not too late this time). I came inside and my wive received me, dressed in sexy Белье and holding only two velvet cords. She told me:
"Tie me up, and afterwards Ты may do anything Ты want..."
So I tied her up and went to get me another beer!
