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posted by MsMindlessAztec
1. We dont ALWAYS want sex...only sometimes
2. we dont like it when Ты tell us wat to do
3. never, ever look at other girls with us...otherwise your kicked out
4. Удалить any pictures of ANY other girls on your phones/computers
5. Ты need to listen to us
6. if Ты going to ignore us at least do a good job at it.
7. dont always say "i Любовь you" like 5 times a day, then we think somethings up
8. bringging us to a club and getting us drunk for sex is a bad idea
9. if Ты get in a fight, admit that your wrong...we like that
10. never say that your the "king of MY casle"
11. always tell us if your borrowing money
12. before sex, let us change into something sexy или nothing at all
13. its a bad idea to tell us to hurry up when getting dressed to go somewhere
14. dont tell us what to wear или when to wear it
15. we hate it when Ты bring to your Друзья house jus to Показать us off
16. when taking us to dinner, take some where nice
17. again, when taking us to dinner, make sure Ты dress nice. not jus a t-shirt and jeans!!
18. we Любовь it when Ты look us in our eyes and tell us we're beautiful 24/7
19. ALWAYS stand by us during a carrier no matter how stupid
20. fellas, keep this in mind: ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR ANIVERSIORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21. after marriage dont ask us what happened while in Vegas...then WE wonder what happened with YOU
22. tell us why Ты Любовь us
23. we cant always read your gosh damned minds!!
24. if Ты want to take us to a movie, dont chose a scary one......unless we want to
25. ALWAYS let us pick out the movie your watching
and 26. be careful on what Ты by...we watch EVERYTHING.
posted by HNismyfriend
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a Храбрая сердцем who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This Храбрая сердцем had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved,...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that Ты just wanna перфоратор, удар, пунш in the face , then someohow , Ты end up in a relationship with them , Ты fall in Любовь , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing Ты want to burn either (:]) Well if Ты still have feelings for that person im gonna help Ты get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap Ты guys (: , ohk so Ты could first start off by doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave Ты on огонь ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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If you’re an animal lover, like me, this story might be to much to take. But I can’t believe people can be so cruel. But I believe that when someone abuses a poor defenseless animal, that someone should be дана LIFE in prison without the possibility или parole.

A Mesa, Arizona man who killed a 6-week-old kitten after a pet питон, python refused to eat it was дана three years of supervised probation on Friday.

Jeremy Tuffly, 29, pleaded guilty May 11 in Maricopa County Superior Court to one count of cruelty to animals, a Class 6 felony, court records show.

The charge followed after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office deputies learned of a DVD Показ Tuffly repeatedly throwing the kitten at the питон, python in 2002 in an attempt to get the snake to attack it, according to MCSO.

When the питон, python failed to eat the kitten, Tuffly kicked it across the yard, authorities previously said. The kitten then died.
okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf или date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the Далее time.....thank u all for Чтение this..and plz Комментарий ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
posted by tooch
I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think или relate to these, in some way или another:

-When Ты forget someone's name Ты wait for someone else to say it so Ты don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't Удалить my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and Ты are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are Ты kidding me?' even though Ты know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like...
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1.we hate it when Ты grab our asses!!!(unless we are hoes)

2.when Ты cheat,we hate Ты and everything that has to do with you

3.dont act like Ты understand PMS,because Ты dont.So stop Актёрское искусство like it.

4.when Ты stare at other girls,and we stare at other boys,and Ты get all pissed off,you have no reason to speak.So Ты may as well stfu.

5.when Ты flirt,we flirt back,sometimes when we don't like you.and then we feel bad.So if Ты arent sure,dont flirt.

6.If we like a celebritey(ex:Orlando Bloom,Zac Efron,Bill Kaulitz,etc etc.)and we say they are hot,dont act like Ты dont care.We want...
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1)Devise a secret code with your Друзья then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask Вопросы so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s Вопросы in slow motion 2)Answer Вопросы only with one word
3)Scream Болталка words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” или “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer Вопросы in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If Ты have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what Ты think."

7. Claim that Ты must always wear a bicycle шлем as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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So you've just traveled to a foreign country, taken a subway Ты never take, или teleported to medieval England due to a time travel mishap. Your surroundings are strange, confusing, and possibly haunted. But instead of freaking out—due to frustration, confusions, and ghosts, respectively—you should follow these expert pointers to get yourself from Остаться в живых to un-lost.

1) DO ask for directions. DO NOT ask an axe murderer for directions.
People who see Ты crying over a crumpled map are almost always helpful (axe murderers being a notable exception). Look for some official-seeming person или kindly...
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Like the Название says, Does Robert Pattinson die in remember me? My Друзья сказал(-а) that he does and I just wanted to know. :):) :)
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:) :) :) :)
Haley:Hey!Guys let's compare our self's to Аниме and cartoon characters!

James:Okay.I'll go first!Haley Ты remind me of...Akira Kogami from lucky star!

Haley:...I do NOT have constant mood swings between happy and cute to mean and bitchy!YOU FRIGGIN' SON OF A WHORE!!!

James:Haley I know what my parents are.

Jack:W-What!?

Haley:Alex Ты remind me of...Alucard from Hellsing!

Alex:...That's nice...Kara reminds me of Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran high school host club.Bland and uninteresting.

Kara:Oh screw you!...Melissa you...wait how did Ты get into my house?

Melissa:Well I'll have Ты know I invited my...
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posted by HaleyDewit
Chris went to his bedroom and sank down on his bed. He lay down and stared at the ceiling. He wondered how the world outside would be like. Sure he had a clear view from behind his window, but it wasn’t the same as really be outside. He heard a familiar noise and a few секунды later Bianca materialized in the center of his room. He looked up at her, with an angry look in his eyes.
“Thanks for betraying me, Bi” Bianca sighed and shrugged. “I was only trying to help you. Wyatt shouldn’t be treating Ты this way and Ты know it” “What can I do about it? He saved my life. He raised...
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User: Wendigo или yeti.

Cleverbot: Who is Wendigo?

User: Wendigo is a abomination.

Cleverbot: Define abomination.

User: Abomination = # a person who is loathsome или disgusting # abhorrence: hate coupled with disgust # an action that is vicious или vile; an action that arouses disgust или abhorrence; 'his treatment of the children is an abomination'.

Cleverbot: I only fear death, but I cannot even fear that much with Ты at my side.

User: I do not fear death but I fear giving up on life.

User: I've gotta go mate speak Ты soon babe.

Cleverbot: Don't leave!

Cleverbot: Well the meaning of life certainly isn't...
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posted by sapherequeen
It all began when I was eight-years-old. My mother had found a new boyfriend named Nate. The two of them had a steady relationship for some months before they finally decided to find a house to live in together. They relocated a house at a different улица, уличный in the same town I have been living in since I was 10-months-old. At first, it seemed like a nice street. It had this peaceful feeling to it, the feeling that just made Ты feel like home. That was one of my greatest memories of the street, the feeling of Главная that it always gave me. I also made new Друзья immediately; a little girl named...
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Bananas can sometimes be just as dangerous as lemons, but remember, monkeys touched them a lot, so they have some portion of us stuck in them. Really, they can be just as sentimental as us. I swear, last night my copy of The Blind Side got stolen, and there was a банан strangely close to the TV.....nevermind. Here's the Список Ты have to watch out for:

1.The simplest way is the банан peel. Bananas like to be wackos and Показать themselves to the ladies, so they shed some skin and sit there on the most slippery surface they can get. Of course, they don't care about you---so if Ты are near a slippery...
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the таблица with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the молоко carton.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check или charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a Телевидение set in her purse.
"So, do Ты always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied,...
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posted by McDreamyluva
LOLs!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did Ты get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been дана your share !

HE: Will Ты come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make Ты very happy
SHE: Why? Are Ты leaving?

HE: What would Ты say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh...
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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If Любовь is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should Ты believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that Собаки Любовь to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at Ты if Ты blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a дерево falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the пятиугольник, пентагон were...
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•    A few clowns short of a circus

•    A few fries short of a Happy Meal

•    A few beers short of a six-pack

•    Dumber than a box of hair

•    A few peas short of a запеканка, кастрюля

•    Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box

•    The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

•    One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl

•    A few feathers short of a whole утка

•    All foam, no beer...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

•    Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

•    At stop lights, eye the person in the Далее car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

•    Two words: Chicken suit.

•    Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The еще it looks like blood, the better.

•    Stop at the green lights.

•    Go at the red ones.

•    Occasionally...
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