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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Holiday Inn, Charlestown South Carolina

Three women arrived in a Chevrolet Cruze. Two were sitting up front, while one was in the back seat.

Cara: *Gets out of the car with Edith* We'll be right back. We need to get something important.
Edith: Leave the engine running.
Charlotte: *Nods. She watches the women walk into the hotel, then picks up her phone to talk to her mother*
Mom: Hello?
Charlotte: Hi Mom, шарлотка, шарлотта here.
Mom: How are Ты doing?
Charlotte: Good. I made a couple of new friends, and I just became a member of this group called Social Justice Warriors.
Mom: Congratulations darling. I need to get back to work, but thanks for calling. Good luck, and I'll see Ты soon.
Charlotte: By mom. I Любовь you. *Hangs up*

Soon, an alarm went off. Both Edith, and Cara arrived with bags full of money.

Charlotte: *Waits for her Друзья to get in, then floors it*
Security Guard: *Runs out of the hotel* All units, suspects are in a silver Chevy, heading east across the Ashley River.

Song: link

Two Taurus's had a roadblock in front of the Cruze.

Edith: Ты need to lose them.
Charlotte: Don't worry. Watch this. *Hits a button, and leans the car on the left side. She easily makes it between the two cars*
Cop 15: Did Ты see that?! After them! *Drives after the Cruze*
Cop 21: *Following in his Taurus*
Cop 15: They're going too fast. They're not gonna make that turn with front wheel drive.
Charlotte: *Using a touch screen, she turns the drivetrain into rear wheel drive, and drifts to the right, onto another road*
Cop 21: We need back up! They just turned south onto Lockwood Drive!
Cara: You're a fast learner.
Charlotte: How much further until we reach base?
Edith: It's on the other side of town at Concord Street.
Charlotte: *Makes a left turn*

She cut off a Jeep, and a Volvo. Both police cars were going too fast, and crashed into the other two cars.

Cop 15: They're going east again on Wentworth Street.
Charlotte: Well, we should be безопасно, сейф unless-
Cop 17: *Follows them from an intersection in a Dodge Charger*
Charlotte: -another cop spots us.
Edith: We'll take care of 'em. Ты just keep driving.
Cara: *Opens her window, and sticks out an AR15. She shoots the cop several times*
Cop: *Crashes into a tree*
Edith: Nice one.
Charlotte: *Turns left on E бухта, залив Street, then makes a right turn on Society Street*
Edith: There it us up ahead.
Charlotte: *Drifts as she turns left, then quickly goes to the right*

They were approaching a security booth, but the lady inside waved at the three women.

Guard: Our leader is back. Mission accomplished.
Charlotte: *Stops the car*

They were now in a huge parking lot, used to load cars onto trains.

Charlotte: *Gets out with Edith, and Cara* What did Ты two do?! I thought Social Justice Warriors were about peace, not violence!
Edith: That's the only way we can get equal rights.
Charlotte: We already have equal rights.
Cara: There's a lot of things Ты don't understand, but as I said, you're a fast learner.
Charlotte: Okay.
Cara: Once we get Ты up to speed, we will be unstoppable.

Opening Credits Song: link

Johnny: *Sits down looking at a screen. He sees a wanted sign on it for a bad guy. He nods and gets up*

JOHNNY LIGHTNING

Johnny: *Looks at his watch, and presses a red button activating it*

Starring SeanTheHedgehog as Johnny Lightning

Johnny: *In a parking garage. He starts to run as he selects the 1958 Plymouth Belvedere. Once he selects it, he jumps into mid-air making the car automatically appear with him in it. He drifts left out of the parking garage*

---

ISIS Members: *Walking together with AK47's*
Johnny: *Runs out from a building behind them, and bashes their heads together*

---

Johnny: *Jumps out of a helicopter with a parachute. After a few seconds, he deploys it, and slowly goes down towards a rooftop*

---

Johnny: *Slides down towards a gravestone with an M14, and fires five bullets*

---

Johnny: *Combing his hair, and then cleans the lenses of his glasses*

---

Johnny: *Running on a boxcar. He jumps on a gondola, doing a front roll once he lands. He grabs a guy in a black coat, and punches him three times, then throws him off*

---

Commander Kane: *Sitting behind his стол письменный, стол with his feet on them*

Jack Nicholson as Commander Kane

Johnny: *Drives back into the parking garage. He stops the car, gets out, and hits the red button. His Plymouth Belvedere disappears, going back into the watch*

Song: link

Langley, West Virginia

Johnny: *Driving his red 1969 Coronet*

Episode 9: Social Justice

Johnny: *Stops at the security booth*
Guard: Go on in Mr. Lightning.
Johnny: *Drives to the parking lot*

Special Guest Stars

Kiley Carbone as Cara Panamara
Hayley Nace as Edith Valden
Carolina Ravassa as шарлотка, шарлотта Thorne

Johnny: *Enters the parking garage, and parks Далее to a Cadillac*
CIA Agent 39: *Looks at Johnny's Coronet* Nice car.
Johnny: Thanks. *Steps out*

Inside the HQ, Johnny quickly made his way to Commander Kane. The song fades away as he enters his office.

Commander Kane: Johnny.
Johnny: *Sits down* Sir.
Commander Kane: Have Ты heard of the Social Justice Warriors?
Johnny: Yes. They're a group mostly made up of females, and black people who are trying to make things better for themselves, by destroying everybody else who doesn't agree with them. There's three different SJW armies. Feminazis, Black Lives Matter, and Millennials.
Commander Kane: We've been дана a Сообщить on several robberies that have occurred in the south. They've gone as far north as Charlestown, and we believe it's the Feminazi's. You're mission is to locate them, and kill them. There's lots of them scattered in the south, but start with Charlestown.
Johnny: Yes sir, that won't be a problem with this. *Pulls out his 1911*
Commander Kane: Your gun looks different.
Johnny: That's because it is different. I got a new version of this classic from Remington. The 1911 R1.
Commander Kane: Congratulations Johnny. I'm also going to give Ты an M14. Mabel has it for Ты in her office.
Johnny: I'll go get it before I leave. Thank Ты sir.
Commander Kane: Good luck.
Johnny: *Leaves Commander Kane's office*
Commander Kane: *Smokes a cigar as he puts his feet on his desk* That boy's the best agent we got.

Edith started talking to Cara in their headquarters.

Edith: We need to get going before someone finds us.
Cara: There's one еще heist we need to pull off. We cannot afford to miss it. Two trucks with Золото for a depository in Miami are passing through here, and if we pull this off, we'll have trillions of dollars on our hands.
Edith: Shall I inform шарлотка, шарлотта about this?
Cara: I'm having her prepared for another assignment in West Virginia. While the Cruze is being repainted, we'll use one of our Toyota's for the Золото heist.
Edith: Ты got it boss. Camry, или Avalon?
Cara: Camry. Let шарлотка, шарлотта use the Avalon for her assignment. Once we get the gold, we'll meet up with her, and start our Далее heist in Bluefield.

Back in Charlestown

Bald Man With Beard: Do Ты have what it takes to be a millennial? Your birth дата must be during, или after 1994, and Ты must also have a high opinion of yourself, while overreacting about political correctness.
Johnny: *Walks over to the man* I have no interest in joining, but I do have a friend who's part of the Feminazi's. Where is Cara Panamara?
Bald Man With Beard: She's not here at the moment. She's preparing a heist with some Друзья to steal gold.
Johnny: I see. When will she be back?
Bald Man With Beard: She didn't say.
Johnny: Mind if I wait inside for her?
Bald Man With Beard: Fine. Have fun with your friend.
Johnny: Thanks. *Walks towards the building, looking at many cars, and autoracks.* They must be stealing these cars from the railroad.

Inside the building

Edith: Cara, the Золото is about to pass town. Charlotte's already on her way to Bluefield.
Cara: Let's go.
Johnny: *Close to the entrance*

гараж doors opened as a Toyota Camry drove towards him. Johnny quickly jumped out of the way.

Edith: Who was that?
Cara: Definitely not one of our guys. We'll lose him. *Floors it*

Song: link

Johnny: *Runs after the Toyota, selecting his Dodge Coronet from the watch. He jumps, making his car appear, and quickly starts to chase the two women*
Cara: Where the hell did that come from?
Edith: Who cares?! As Ты said, we'll lose him. Ты better be right.
Cara: I know, don't rush me. *Turns right*
Johnny: *Drifts as he catches up to them*
Edith: We're seriously still going for the gold?!
Cara: I'm not missing out on an fifteen digit payday!
Johnny: *Opens his window, and sticks out his 1911. He fires two bullets, hitting the back of the Camry*
Edith: *Pulls out her AR15* Excuse me. *She gets into the back seat, and breaks the back window. She then returns fire, spraying Johnny's car with bullets*

The two cars were now on Morrison Drive, heading for the truck with the gold.

Cara: There it is! *Applies the handbrakes, and quickly turns around*
Johnny: *Slides his car to a stop, blocking the Camry*
Cara: *Pushes Johnny's car out of the way*
Johnny: *Does a burnout as he turns around to continue chasing the Camry*
Guard: Hey, we got two cars speeding towards us.
Driver: Keep an eye on them.
Guard: *Cocks his M4A1* Will do.
Cara: Open the перчатка, перчатки compartment, and give me my C4.
Edith: *Opens the перчатка, перчатки compartment* Can I get back to killing the intruder?
Cara: Yes.
Johnny: *Shoots Edith*

Rage was quickly building up in Cara when she saw that Edith was shot.

Cara: I'll get Ты Далее time bullion. *Throws the C4 at Johnny, and detonates it*
Johnny: *Spins out of control, and crashes into a tree*

Stop the song

Cara: *Picks up a receiver* Girls, we have an enemy on Morrison Drive across the улица, уличный from the Port Authorities. He must die at once, but use caution. The PA must not be alerted.
Johnny: *Climbs out of his car, and hits the red button on his watch. It goes back into the watch, and displays the amount of time necessary to fix the car* 75 minutes. I better get another car while I'm waiting.

A bullet hit the дерево behind him. Johnny didn't hesitate to grab his M14, and return огонь at the Feminazi's coming at him in Honda's, with MP5's, and an RPG.

Johnny: *Fires two bullets as he runs for cover*
Feminazi's: *Cutting off traffic to park on Johnny's side of the road*
Johnny: *Slides down towards a gravestone, and fires five bullets*
Femiazi's: *Returning огонь with their MP5's*
Johnny: *Shoots three of them, then runs into a house*
Woman: What are Ты doing with that weapon?!
Johnny: Protecting your country! *Shoots two еще Feminazi's*
Feminazi 84: *Holding the RPG* I'm ready to огонь at your command.
Feminazi 42: There's another woman in there. We can't risk killing her.
Johnny: *Shoots two еще Feminazi's*
Feminazi 84: I'm the last one standing. It's you, или me. *Fires a missile*
Johnny: *Shoots the missile, making his target explode*
Woman: Who would be mad enough to try and kill innocent people with a missile?
Johnny: Are Ты a Social Justice Warrior?
Woman: No.
Johnny: Good. Don't Присоединиться them, and Ты won't end up like those lunatics. *Leaves the house*

Using another car from his watch, Johnny went back to the building where Cara, and Edith were planning their heist. Nobody was around, but the door was unlocked.

Johnny: *Looks at a map* Let's see what we got. *Sees the town Bluefield circled with blue marker* Bluefield West Virginia. Is that why Ты used a blue marker? *Reads a note* In cooperation with Norfolk Southern, we will steal tons of supplies, money, and resources from the many buildings by the train yard. Meet шарлотка, шарлотта at the gas station. *Uses his phone to Поиск Bluefield on Google Maps. He finds a gas station called Joy Еда Store* Hopefully this is the right place. *Runs out of the building, and uses his watch to spawn his Ford Mustang. He jumps, making his car appear, and drives to Bluefield*

Bluefield, West Virginia. Johnny arrived at Joy Еда Store, and saw шарлотка, шарлотта arriving in an Avalon.

Johnny: *Parks near the store*
Charlotte: *Stops Далее to Johnny's Mustang*

They both got out of the car at the same time.

Johnny: Good morning.
Charlotte: What's so good about it?
Johnny: It's suppose to be sunny all day.
Charlotte: I can't talk.
Johnny: I wouldn't be so sure about that. *Pulls out his 1911* You're with the SJW's, aren't you?
Charlotte: Who are you?
Johnny: CIA.
Charlotte: Who are you?
Johnny: Johnny Lightning.
Charlotte: I am with the SJW's, but it's not at all what I was expecting.
Johnny: What were Ты expecting?
Charlotte: Something much еще peaceful.
Johnny: Well Далее time, do your research.
Charlotte: Put the gun away Mr. Lightning. I don't want any trouble.
Johnny: *Puts his gun away* Perhaps we can help each other. I can protect Ты if Ты give me information. The еще Ты talk, the еще I can help you.
Charlotte: Alright. Let's go to my hotel.
Johnny: *Makes his мустанг go into his watch*
Charlotte: What was that?!
Johnny: A new anti theft system.

шарлотка, шарлотта had a room at the Bluefield Inn, which wasn't very big, but it was cozy, and clean.

Johnny: *In Charlotte's room* Nice place Ты have here.
Charlotte: Cara Panamara's paying for it since she thinks I'm going to help her with her Далее heist.
Johnny: I understand Norfolk Southern is helping them steal things. Which stores are they going to attack?
Charlotte: Everything on Bluefield Avenue, from Dairy Queen to Captain D's.
Johnny: Just on that side of the road? Nothing else?
Charlotte: Nothing else.
Johnny: Do Ты know exactly how many people I'll be fighting?
Charlotte: You're not seriously going alone, are you? There's over 40 people that'll be involved with this heist. I can't remember the exact amount, but Ты need help.
Johnny: Oh yeah?
Charlotte: I'm going to help you. They don't know I'm working with you.
Johnny: I thought Ты сказал(-а) Ты didn't want to get involved with any violence.
Charlotte: Those Feminazi's need to pay for what they're doing. Two wrongs don't make a right, but this is where I make an exception.
Johnny: Alright. I have a plan. When do the Feminazi's arrive?
Charlotte: 4 PM, at the gas station.
Johnny: You're suppose to meet them there disguised as an employee, correct?
Charlotte: *Nods*
Johnny: I will meet them there instead. Perhaps that will delay their backup, and make it easier for us to focus on Norfolk Southern. Just in case I want Ты to wait at Captain D's. Work your way west, killing everyone that works for Norfolk Southern, and the Feminazi's. We'll meet up in the middle, at Hardee's.
Charlotte: How are Ты going to destroy the train they're using?
Johnny: I'll steal something. We have seven hours, so I'm going to call my boss, and see if I can get some weapons for you.
Charlotte: Thank you. Ты know something?
Johnny: Yeah?
Charlotte: I really like men. Ты especially. Ты keep everything in good shape for the innocent.
Johnny: *Smiles*

Johnny was waiting with шарлотка, шарлотта at her hotel. A care package was going to be dropped off.

Johnny: *Sees a Black Hawk* Here it comes.
Charlotte: What did Ты get me?
Johnny: Body armor with an M4. Ты got a grenade launcher, and an Acog scope.
Charlotte: Thanks.
Johnny: You're welcome. Now let's move. We don't have much time.

Song: link

After dropping шарлотка, шарлотта off at Captain D's, Johnny went back to Joy Еда Store. He got himself a uniform as a disguise. When Cara arrived in her Camry, Johnny walked outside to greet her.

Stop the song.

Cara: *Steps out of her car* What are Ты doing here? This is self serve.
Johnny: *Speaking in a Southern accent* I know, I know. Just stretchin' my legs.
Cara: Have we met before?
Johnny: Nope.
Cara: Right. *Opens her gas tank*
Johnny: *Looks at Cara's Camry* Say, that there's a nice lookin' Toyotor.
Cara: Toyotor?
Johnny: *Smiles* Toyotor.
Cara: *Angry* It's pronounced Toyota.
Johnny: Toyotor.
Cara: TOYOTA!!!! Say it with me! TOY-YOTA!!!
Johnny: *Leans towards Cara and whispers* Toyotor.
Cara: Fine. Ты wanna насос it for me? *Gives Johnny a credit card* Fill it regular.
Johnny: Gladly. *Swipes her card, and gives it back to her*
Cara: I need to make a phone call. Keep a good eye on this for me.
Johnny: Anythin' Ты say. *Putting gas in Cara's car*
Cara: Where the hell is Charlotte? She was supposed to meet me here, and I got a hillbilly instead. *Calling another girl*

Down at Captain D's, шарлотка, шарлотта was waiting to hear gunfire.

Charlotte: *Wearing her body armor, and has her gun set up with a bandolier holding eight clips of ammo* Come on Johnny, give me the signal.
Johnny: Who are Ты callin'?
Cara: That's not your concern pal.
Johnny: *Grabs his gun, and shoots Cara's arm, making her drop the phone*
Cara: *Holding her wound*
Johnny: *Picks up the phone, and cancels the call. He then drops the phone, and steps on it*
Cara: Ты bastard!! What kind of gas station attendant are you?!
Johnny: I'm not a gas station attendant. *Points his gun at Cara* I'm CIA. Your Feminazi party will not be robbing anymore people as long as I'm around.
Cara: Ты may have stopped my team, but Ты still need to put up with Norfolk Southern.
Johnny: Oh don't worry. That won't be a problem. *Stops the gas pump, and takes it out of the tank of Cara's car. He then sprays Cara with gas, then puts the насос back* If Ты even try to stop me, I'll burn Ты alive. *Closes the gas tank on Cara's car* Oh, and in case you're wondering, Charlotte's working for me now. She's not really happy with what you're doing.
Cara: *Puts her hand in her pocket, and grabs a Glock 17*
Johnny: *Shoots Cara*

The bullet ignited the fuel soaking Cara, and she was now on fire.

Johnny: *Watching her scream in pain as he walks away* Have a good день in hell.

Song: link

Charlotte's signal to start attacking was the sound of Johnny's gun. She heard him shoot Cara, and looked around the Captain D's restaurant near her.

Charlotte: Nothing yet. *Moving west*
Johnny: *Moving east. He sees a Norfolk Southern train arriving, with hundreds of men carrying AK47's*
NS Man 53: Stop the train! They're here!
Johnny: *Shoots the air brakes on the train, and it keeps going*
NS Man 53: I сказал(-а) stop!
Engineer: He shot our brakes!
Johnny: *Shoots three enemies on the train*
NS Man 53: Let's return fire!
NS Men: *Firing their AK47's at Johnny*
Charlotte: *Sees the train* Why aren't they slowing down? *Prepares her grenade launcher*
NS Man 78: Look! Grenade launcher!
Charlotte: *Fires a grenade, and kills several men*

With the brakes disabled, the train continued to roll pass Johnny, and Charlotte.

NS Man 65: They're out of range.
NS Man 14: We'll get him Далее time.
Charlotte: *Running towards Johnny. They both laugh at each other*
Johnny: *Hugs Charlotte* That was wonderful.
Charlotte: Did Ты shoot their brakes?
Johnny: Yeah. They won't be stopping anytime soon.
Charlotte: What do Ты say we go back to Captain D's for dinner?
Johnny: Very good. I'm buying.
Charlotte: *Laughs*

And just before they started walking back to the restaurant, шарлотка, шарлотта and Johnny kissed.

The End

This has been a SeanTheHedgehog Production from May 27, 2019
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see.
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see.
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits Далее Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have Ты tried Показ him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like Ты - very homosexually.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - рыба Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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posted by jeniffer2200
 i'm a tumor
i'm a tumor
Family guy quotes:

*Black Jesus!* "I rode this town on ass!,Yo mama's ass!" *Black Jesus*

"Meth is a hell of a drug."

"I'm a tumor,I'm a tumor...I'm a tumor!,I'm a tumor,I'am a tumor...I'am tumor! oh oh! I'M A TUMOR!"

"Pick up my poop!"

"I have the power! He-Man!"

"Giggity!"

"Luis! Luis,Luis,Luis,Luis,Mum,Mum,Mum,Mum,Mum,Mommy,Mommy,Mommy,Mommy,Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,Ma,Ma,Ma,Ma,Ma,Mom,Mom,Mom,Mom,Mom,Mummy,Mummy,Mama!,Mama! WHAT!? HI! eheheheheh"

______________________________________________


Spongebob Quotes:

"Oh Please! I have no soul"

"Fenland!"

"I defy Ты сердце man!!"

"I don't think Wumbo is a real word...Come'on!...
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posted by kinga10111
A person can not fold a normal size piece of paper in half еще than 8 times.



There are just over 300 million cell phones used daily in the United States alone.



A shrimps сердце is in it’s head.



Kissing is actually healthier than shaking someones hand.




Natural pearls will melt in vinegar.



An оливковый, оливковое дерево can live up to 1500 years.



Cleopatra married two of her brothers.



Ants can’t shut their eyes.




On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building looks like an American flag.



Men’s shirts have the buttons on the right, while women shirts have the buttons on the left.



Chewing...
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50 Болталка Вопросы people ask

1. Are we there yet?
2. Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
3. Which way to the emergency exit?
4. Does this make me look fat?
5. Can God make a bathtub so big He can't bathe in it?
6. Parlez-vous Français?
7. Why hasn't my check arrived yet?
8. How many fingers am I holding up?
9. Where do bad folks go when they die?
10. Why do we park on driveways and drive on freeways?
11. Who shot Mr. Burns?
12. What time is it?
13. Can I go to the bathroom?
14. May I go to the bathroom?
15. Does this hurt?
16. Will Ты marry me?
17. Whose fault is that?
18. I...
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posted by smileypop9
Found this on www.funny.com. I find a lot of things there that I post...


A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The день came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing Ты know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied...
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1.His cell phone number (picture this Ты are on a дата with him and she calls to ask wat time will she be home)

2.His parents-(If your mom knows his parents then be prepared to see sum embarrasing pics,of yuor boyfriend)

3. If he is a virgin!! (ppicture this your up in your room with him and she pops in when yall r about to Kiss and she freaks out)

4.His ex-girlfriends (if your mom knows ur boyfriend's ex girlfriends then be prepared to hear what did, tthis girl havetht my daughter didnt)

5.What his style is (your out with ur bf and mom and Ты turn the corner and she yells OH LOOK A THOOSE SEXY...
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 X(
X(
I bet I know what some of Ты are thinking, "OMG! How can someone hate their family? That's horrible, what a brat или what a b***h!"

Well, here's why :)

My mother is extremely controlling and b****es all the damn time and criticizes every little thing I do five times a freaking day! For example, I leave the door open for two минуты when I'm only getting something and going out again, and she hollers at me about how I'm wasting heat and how she's going to take my сделать ставку, ipod или laptop for a week if I left it open again. или when I do all of the chores she expects me to do and I do them how she'd see...
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