1. When Ты get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why Ты were speeding, tell him Ты wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend Ты are deaf.

4. If he asks if Ты knew how fast Ты were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if Ты can see his gun.

6. When he says Ты aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why Ты were speeding, tell him Ты had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him by his first name.

11. Pretend Ты are gay and ask him out.

12. When he says no, cry.

13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

15. If he asks Ты to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

16. When he asks Ты to spread them, tell him Ты don’t go that way.

17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say “Usually my dates buy me ужин first”

18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause Ты don’t like ink on your fingers.

19. After Ты sign the ticket and give it to him, say “Oops! That’s the wrong name.”

20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.

21. When he comes up to the car, say “License and registration, please” right when he says it.

22. When he goes to read Ты your rights, sing “La La La, I can’t hear you!”

23. Trip and fall into him.

24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes Ты away.

25. Before Ты sign the ticket, pick your nose. Ты have to sign with his pen.

26. Chew on the pen, nervously.

27. Clean your ear with the pen.

28. If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar…..

30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.

31. Act like Ты are retarded.

32. When he’s telling Ты what Ты did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

33. Mumble to yourself.

34. When he tells Ты to stop, say what are Ты talkin about, DUDE?

35. Drive to Dunkin Пончики and say hmmm….only 5 of Ты here tonight…….

36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.

37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!

38. Ask if he watches Cops.

39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.

40. Giggle if he did.

41. Talk to your hand.

42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Избранное Friends.

43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.

44. When he frisks you, say Ты missed a spot, and grin.

45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

46. Try to sell him your car.

47. Ask if Ты can buy his car.

48. If he takes Ты to the station, Ask to sit in front.

49. Play with the siren.

50. If Ты know him, say Ты had his wife for dinner.

51. If Ты don’t know him, ask if Ты can have his wife for dinner. Oops…I meant OVER for dinner

52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.

53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.

54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.

55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.

56. When Ты are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.

57. Turn your head and whistle.

58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what Ты gonna do with that.

59. If Ты are female, say I don’t do that on the first date.

60. If he sticks Ты in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.

61. Stare at his lights and say “Look at the pretty colors!”

62. Tell him Ты like men in uniform.

63. Ask if Ты can borrow his uniform for a Хэллоуин party