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posted by karpach_14
December 14, 2003


Dearest Dave,

I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a куропатка, партридж in a груша tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn't have been еще surprised или pleased darling!

With truly the deepest love,
Agnes

December 15, 2003

Dearest Dave,

Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtule doves that arrived today are adorable, and I'm delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways.

With all of my love,
Your Agnes

December 16, 2003

Dearest Dave,

You've truly been too kind! I must protest; I don't deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised--what еще should I expect from such a nice person.

Love,
Agnes

December 17, 2003

Dear Dave,

Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don't Ты think that enough is enough? Ты are being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes

December 18, 2003

Dearest darling Dave,

It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for every finger. Ты truly are impossible darling, yet oh how I Любовь it! Quite frankly, all of those squarking birds from the Назад days were starting to get on my nerves. Yet, Ты managed to come through with a beautiful valuable gift!

All my love,
Agnes

December 19, 2003

Dear Dave,

When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I am unable to sleep with all the racket. Please stop dear.

Cordially,
Agnes

December 20, 2003

Dave,

What is with Ты and those stupid birds!? Seven swans a-swimming!! What kind of sick joke is this!!?? There are bird droppings everywhere! They never shut up, and I don't get any sleep!!! I'm a nervous wreck! It's not funny Ты weirdo, so stop with the birds.

Sincerely,
Agnes

December 21, 2003

O.K. wise guy,

The birds were bad enough. Now what do Ты expect me to do with eight maids a-milking? If that's not bad enough, they had to bring their cows!! The front lawn was completely ruined by them, and I can't Переместить in my own house! Just lay off me или you'll be sorry!

Agnes

December 22, 2003

Эй, loser,

What are you? Ты must be some kind of sadist!! Now there are nine pipers playing, and they certainly do play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are getting upset, and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors are getting up a petition to evict me, and I'm going out of my mind!

You'll get yours!
Agnes

December 23, 2003

Ты rotten scum!!!

There are now ten ladies dancing! There is only one problem with that! They're dancing twenty-four hours a день all around me with the pipers upsetting the cows and the maids. The cows can't sleep, and they are going to the bathroom everywhere! The building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause as to why the house shouldn't be condemned! I can't even think of a reason! Ты creep! I'm sicking the police on you!

One who means it!

December 24, 2003

Listen Ты evil, sadistic, maniac!

What's with the eleven lords-a-leaping?!? They are leaping across the rooms breaking everything and even injuring some of the maids! The place smells, is an absolute mad house, and is about to be condemned! At least the birds are quiet; they were trampled to death by the cows. I hope Ты are satisfied--you rotten vicious worthless piece of garbage!

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

December 25, 2003

The Law Offices of
Badger, Rees, and Yorker
20 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois

Dear sir,

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers-fiddling which Ты have seen fit to inflict on our client, one Agnes Mcholstein. The destruction of course was total. If Ты attempt to reach Ms. Mcholstein at Happy Daze Sanatarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot Ты on site.

Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,
Badger, Rees, and Yorker
1. Try to start a wave

2. Gasp every time there is a swear word.

3. Wear a huge Afro wig.

4. Every 15 минуты stand up and then sit back down.

5. Yell out to the screen “Don’t Do It!”

6. If there is a Любовь scene, reach over in front of Ты and cover a Болталка person’s eyes.

7. Stand in front of the screen motionless and face the audience the entire movie.

8. Scalp tickets outside the theater.

9. If a catchy song plays in the movie stand up and dance.

10. Bring an attachable seat-belt. Strap it to your сиденье, место, сиденья and then clip it on yourself. Turn to the person Далее to Ты and say, “you never know”....
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added by SarBear1579
Source: Google
added by BiteMeCullen107
added by Helen-Lover
added by shiriny
вверх 25 Ways To Drive Your Roommate Crazy

1. Every time Ты wake up, start yelling, “Oh, my God! Where the
hell am I?!” and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go
back to bed. If yourroommate asks, say Ты don’t know what
he/she is talking about.

2. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, “I can’t live in the same
room with you,” storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid
of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever
again.

3. Buy a Jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the
clown...
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posted by catgirl140
79 Things to do in an Elevator (Soooo funny)

1. Crack open your портфель или handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the Стена without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him или her to call Ты Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I...
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I'm Dreaming Of A Fat Christmas

It was Рождество Eve. Selena sat yet on her head, sipping slow eggnog.

She looked at the cute лодка hanging on the Рождество дерево and sighed. Last year, alex had hung it there, just before they looked at each other conversely and then fell into each other's arms and stood each other's hand.

If only I hadn't been so pretty, Selena thought, pouring a funny amount of ром into her eggnog. Then alex might not have got so stupid and left me all alone at Рождество time. She wiped away a fast tear and held her head in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. If using a touch-tone, press Болталка numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival пицца place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their Вопросы with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Act like Ты know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "BedWetter’s Camp, right?"
Add extra letters to words, ex: пицца becomes pizzzzzzzaaaaaaa
After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their Вопросы with questions.
Ask about пицца maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for chips/fries with everything!
Ask for extra homo-sapien
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many...
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To Deadly Quit

Emily and Katlyn were celebrating a pretty Valentine's день together. Emily had cooked a stupid ужин and they ate on a log by candlelight.

"My darling," Katlyn said, stroking Emily's booty, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Emily. "It is but a quick token of my lesbian love."

Emily opened the box. Inside was a speedy snake! She gazed at it dreadfully. Then she gazed at Katlyn dreadfully. "It's iggnorant," Emily said. "Come here and let me quit you."

Just then, a dumb crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a smile that stretches ear to ear. "Your happiness will not...
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I know some Вопросы about canada that non-canadians ask about Canada, i'm going to tell Ты the Ответы


first, Ты can NOT see polar bears in the улица, уличный and we don't ride the them either we use CARS.


second, we live in houses, not igloos we would probably freeze after awhile


Thats all i know but know Ты won't think canadians live in igloos and if Miley cyrus is Чтение this and did say canada sucks,WELL IT DOESEN'T SUCK!!!!
IT ROCKS!!! i'm proud to live in Canada.

:)
"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty или anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...
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posted by Emoshinell
RUSH
---------
They say it's good to take your time
But it can be hard to do so
So I find myself asking the same Вопросы
Over and over again

Whenever I rush into something
I'm told to slow down или else I'll get burned
But who knows
Maybe it's good sometimes
To rush into things
'Cause I know Ты know it's right So I say

(Chorus)
Let's rush
I know there's nothing wrong we can do
If we follow our hearts
Whether we rush
или we take our time
So let's rush

I want Ты to know this
That I'll never leave your side
We may rush или we may not
I want Ты to know this
I want Ты to know this
So I say

(Chorus X2)

Let's rush
Let's rush
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
Ghetto Names

Mostly Популярное with the poorer sections of the communities in the United States, ghetto names are becoming еще common.
These are some ghetto names sent to us by our readers:

Aalissah , Aarionda , AbbyYoYo , Abcd , Abrianna , Adaizala , Aereana , Ajavalon , Akeebu , Akwante , Alamarion , Alashawndre , Alashema , Alezeisha , Aliciandra , Alveonta , Amabufu , Amanisha , Ambrisha , Amereazanisha , Amiracle , Amonteosha , Ananchalant , Anfernee , Angenique , Annestonisha , Antonyishia , Antwanae , Antwanique , Antwonisha , Anukware , Aquamaquisha , Aquanasia , Aquanetta , Aquaniqua ,...
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Found this on Google. Hope it makes ya laugh.

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service стол письменный, стол and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. Find one of the workers who is making a pyramid или a display of something and as soon as they are finished with it, ask for the thing that’s on the bottom and have a panic attack until they give it to you.

5. Get on the loud speaker and declare a “Going Out of Business Sale, All Items 99% Off”

6....
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added by Rodz
Source: google.com
added by ladolcevita
Source: Hmmm... Um,well EW.com, Everglow, Mugglenet, me!, forgot the last
This is my Список of Фильмы from best to worst. Please take notice that this Статья is fully based on opinion and isn't meant to persuade readers to like или dislike any of the Фильмы that are listed.

My Favorites: The Best
19. The Little Mermaid III: Ariel's Beginning-So cute and emotionally touching.

18. Alice in Wonderland (1951 Дисней Version)-The movie is so imaginative and really brings back so many memories.

17. Kung Fu Panda-It's funny as hell!

16. Stitch The Movie-I just find the whole other experiments thing to be really cool.

15. Шрек Forever After-"Do The Roar!" haha.

14. The...
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