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[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits Далее Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have Ты tried Показ him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like Ты - very homosexually.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - рыба Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...

Hi my name is Amanda and this is how to service 7th grade. On the first день of 7th grade I was so excited to see my Друзья after summer yay. Well the first день of 7th grade really sucked but at least I got to see my friends. Yes it’s time to leave school. But I did not see one of my Друзья Hannah that sucks because she went to Luray middle. Well I’m Главная and I just talked to Hannah on the phone. She сказал(-а) “I might come back to page Далее semester”. “Sweet school is so different without one of my best friends” I said. “If I don’t come back don’t be mad at me”. “I won’t...

EMOTICONS Happy‏
^o^ ☺ ☻ ت ヅ ^.^ ツ ッ シ Ü ≧◡≦ ᵔᴥᵔ ^^ (°⌣°)
٩(^‿^)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃) ◕‿◕ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̮͡๏)۶ =^.^=
(•‿•) ó‿ó ¢‿¢ ٩◔‿◔۶ ಠ◡ಠ ༺‿༻ (^L^)
♥‿♥ ◙‿◙ ●‿● ^( '‿' )^ ^‿^ ❀‿❀ 乂◜◬◝乂
{◕ ◡ ◕} (｡◕‿◕｡) ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ ◃┆◉◡◉┆▷ (▰˘◡˘▰)
< (^^,) > q(❂‿❂)p <【☯】‿【☯】> |◔◡◉| ⊂◉‿◉つ
✌.ʕʘ‿ʘʔ.✌ ۹⌤_⌤۹ ⎝⎲⏝⏝⎲⎠ ⎝⓿⏝⓿⎠ ⎝⏠⏝⏠⎠
⎝ᄽ⏝⏠⎠...

France
Honhonhon! Bonjour English man! Grow a real dick and don't fuck with Peter Pan! I'm Francis Bonnefoy and everyone loves me! Ты call me a wanker, cause mine is the biggest! Fuck off with your kid brother, cause USUK surely hits it!

Britain
SHUT UP! Ты DAMN FROG FACE! The fact that your on the same continent is a disgrace! All Ты are is a bloody wanker, my rhymes hit hard, like Captain Hook's anchor! Your just a bloody whore, I can't stand your face no more, your such a prick! Even Sealand has еще dick! I have an army of Red Coats! Ты have shitty little boats! Waiting till the last minute?...

Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so Ты guy will need a babysitter!


*10 минуты later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 минуты later*
Amber:I wuv чай parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are Ты doing?
Amber:Having a чай party!
Ashley:Can I...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President или Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a год plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:...

This утка walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do Ты have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the утка leaves.

The Далее day, the утка returns and asks, "Do Ты have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the утка leaves.

The день after that, the утка walks in the store again and asks "Do Ты have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told Ты no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if Ты come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...

1. Every день at school is the same
2. Ты never know if your braids look digusting или not
3. Ты are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. Ты would like to think that people notice или even think about Ты but Ты are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows или cares about
5. Ты worry people will write nasty Комментарии on your Fanpop Статья that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all Ты do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When Ты only really have like 3 Друзья at school and 2 of them...

The Показать SpongeBob linked to attention problems and learning


The Показать SpongeBob SquarePants is pointed by a study which indicates that the viewing for only nine минуты of the Показать may cause short-term attention problems and learning in children four years.

Such problems have been observed in a study of 60 randomly selected children to watch SpongeBob или Caillou, in which Обои change еще slowly, или to draw in nine minutes.

Immediately after this activity, children were tested for mental function. And those who watched SpongeBob scored lower than others.

Previous studies had already established...

previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Jenni Peter and Tina were thinking of a way to find out who was trying to wreck their house then all of a sudden there was a noise and it was coming from Tina's room. Tina got mad cause she doesnt let ANYONE besides Peter and Jenni and herself in her room. she was about to stomp over to her room but Jenni stepped in front of her and tried to calm Tina down Peter helped out with trying to calm Tina down as well. Tina sighed calming down after that they all went to Tina's room when they opened the door they were all shocked Tina's cd's were all broken her paintings...

I'm putting two funny Статьи together in one, hope Ты enjoy it!

Some fun rules
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
2. I Любовь deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would Ты know?
4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what Ты need, and I'll tell you...

previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Tina Unlocked the door to their house and they all walked inside then Peter put the Teddy медведь on the self after that they all got hungery so Tina went to the shops to get some Еда while Peter and Jenni were playing Uno they heard a crash in the кухня and ran over there they got a big shock when they saw how messy the кухня was when Tina got Главная she saw what the кухня was like and she got a big shock herself then while they all were thinking of a plan to see who did this to their Главная the Teddy медведь was hiding in the кухня cupboard as it chuckled...

15) They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.

14) This is just a 15 минута power nap like they raved about in the last
time-management course Ты sent me to.

13) Whew! Guess I left the вверх off of the Liquid Paper.

12) I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.

11) This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

10) I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

9) I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.
Are Ты discriminating against people who practice yoga?

8) I was doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise...