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 The волк clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy Анимация and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. Ты can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, Ты know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and Ты hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what Вампиры do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole хлопать, привкус down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all Ты Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless Вампиры on Buffy.

The волк Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer Анимация of the Волки (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the волк clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So Ты can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. Ты Team Jacob fans, I now consider Ты semi-sane because Ты recognized a HEALTHY relationship. Благодарности to Ты guys.


Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely by her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her Друзья at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even еще with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole год older than your 107 год old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to Любовь Ты anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those Фаны out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected by any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in Любовь with Ты throws Ты into a glass таблица for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons Ты in the forest. A car ride Главная would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass таблица for her protection? That was totally safe. Ты know, because she was bleeding even еще profusely after the таблица than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started Показ up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to Ты like that Ты can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I Любовь you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, или whenever anyone сказал(-а) Bella was Актёрское искусство crazy. If anyone spoke reason или a plot point appeared, it did not Показать again.

Lupin's волк Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer Анимация department because those Волки were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad Анимация coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even еще laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want Ты to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If Ты don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face перфоратор, удар, пунш high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.


Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. Ты Team Jacobers, Ты got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless Ты want a really good laugh then by all means do. Oh and one еще thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
 No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this Kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
 Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
posted by Renesmee_08
This is the story of Edward Anthony Masen, before he found Bella.His birth,human life, rebellion against the Cullens, and transformation

Chapter 1: Elizabeth Masen

I was trying...hard..pushing with all my might.I held hands with Martha, my trusted servant whom I had thought of as family because she had cared for me since I was born.I gently squeezed her soft and withered hands for support.My hair was a mess beneath my pillow.I screamed loudly,hoping to relieve the pain.It didn't work.The doctor stood facing me at the foot of my bed,his arms ready to my newborn child.I screamed once еще and...
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posted by teamjane99
WARNING: coarse language

MAYA CHAPTER ONE: MOVING
THE PLANE TRIP WAS SLOW AS hell. It took over half час of nonstop boring conversations with my mother and father, and then another two and a half hours of absolute silence between the three of us. I guessed that it was then, after that half hour, that they realized that I was furious with them for dragging me all the way from sunny New Mexico to dreary La Push, Forks, Washington – a city that I didn’t even know existed. Mom сказал(-а) that it was so I could connect to our old roots, since her and my father both were born there but, truthfully,...
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posted by 2468244
Ah, ah, ah ,ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

I seek Ты out
Flay Ты alive
One еще word and Ты won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
See right through Ты any hour

I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for Ты to gain

I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace

I won’t soothe your pain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I won’t ease your strain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I got nothing for Ты to gain

Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace

Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
The час has begun
Your eyes have now opened

To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my Любовь always

Your window’s opened wide
Your innocence takes flight

To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my Любовь always

It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my Любовь always

It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Yeah I tremble for Ты Любовь always
posted by 2468244
When the thorn куст, буш turns white that’s when I’ll come home
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back Главная with me

Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As Ты watch me wander, curse the powers that be
‘Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long

Far, far away, no voices sounding
No one around me and you’re still there
Far, far away, no choices passing
No time confounds me and you’re still there

In the full moon’s light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear Ты calling me
But I don’t know where I am
And I don’t trust who I’ve been
But if I come Главная how will I ever leave
posted by karlygirl26
Эй, guys, my name is Karly and I've decided to write my own Фан fiction. Okay, imagine Edward never came back because Alice never told Roslie anything, so Edward never assumed Bella died. And now it's just Jacob and Bella. Here's the start of my story- lengthy by the way- and let me know what Ты think или any ideas Ты have that Ты would like me to add in. I appriciate all thoughts negative или positive. :) Thanks. :)

*Full Moon*

The piercing shrill of my alarm clock woke me up out of my deep sleep. I threw my arm at it hitting the buttons, hoping it was snooze. I sat up slowly and rubbed...
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Breaking Dawn may have been a smash hit with Twihards all over the world, but the Golden малина foundation was impressed for a different reason.

They've nominated the flick for 8 of their Razzie awards, which are like the Oscars but for the "worsts" of the year, so they're a little еще fun.

Breaking Dawn was nominated for:
•Worst Picture
•Worst Screenplay
•Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, или Sequel
•Worst Director
•Worst Screen Ensemble
•Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner
•Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart
•Worst Screen Couple

Do Ты think Breaking Dawn deserves the nominations?
Breaking Dawn may have been a smash hit with Twihards all over the world, but the Golden малина foundation was impressed for a different reason.

They've nominated the flick for 8 of their Razzie awards, which are like the Oscars but for the "worsts" of the year, so they're a little еще fun.

Breaking Dawn was nominated for:
•Worst Picture
•Worst Screenplay
•Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, или Sequel
•Worst Director
•Worst Screen Ensemble
•Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner
•Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart
•Worst Screen Couple

Do Ты think Breaking Dawn deserves the nominations?
posted by marvel517639
K so i was thinking that it's 13 years later and all the Волки have imprinted except for seth. Jake and Nessie. Quil and Clarie. Sam and Emily and have one boy Alex Uley. Paul and Rachel. My friend Karen is a Shapeshifter Werewolf Eri Raeka and Brady. My friend sharon a hybrid and Collin. Jared and Kim. Leah and nahuel. My friend Natalia a hybrid and embry. Edward and Bella. Emmett and Rosalie. Alice and Jasper. Esme and Carlisle.Lydia is a vampire Hope Collins and micheal a human. They live in fork washington still. Nessie, natalia, Sharon, Eri, Clarie. Lydia and micheal are in their last...
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posted by twilight_lover9
I was so confused, a million Вопросы were racing through my mind.
“Lirah. Come out, I know you’re there” Jake сказал(-а) abruptly.
I was shocked, I had not made a sound and was so quiet, but to save Jake from being mad at me I stepped out into view, to reveal Jake to my surprise smiling, and Paul a bright розовый looking down.
“Come on you, late on your first day, don’t want to make a name for yourself unlike me” Jake winked, putting his big muscly tanned arm around my shoulder leading me towards the school.
“You have a lot of explaining to do Jake” I whispered seriously.
Jake just nodded...
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Authors Note

1.    This story is about Jacob and Bella’s daughter
2.    If Bella and Jacob had ended up together after Eclipse
3.    The whole Cullen family and everyone who was in the story is still in the story except for Reneesme of course
4.    I am not a team Jacob, Trust me I’m Team Edward, but I don’t have anything against Jacob
5.    Jacob and Bella’s daughter is born December 6th, 2010
6.    Her name is Lauren Savannah Black
7.    She has a older...
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posted by WildCherryWolf
"Er, Edward?"
"No, Jacob?"
"Can, can Ты answer this for me?"
"No."
"Aw, but we're buddies!!!"
"I don't like you, Jacob."
"But we're amigos!! или in your case, amigas!!"
"Since when did I become female?"
"Since Ты started glittering in the sun."
"Lets not mention your genetic glitch, Fido."
"Touché."
"Seriously dude, I need Ты to answer this."
"I thought Собаки couldn't talk."
"Aren't Феи all female?"
"Bella likes sparkling men."
"I can't believe Ты сказал(-а) that."
"Leave me alone."
"You called yourself SPARKLY!!"
"Get out."
"Okay, no need for a breakdown, drama queen."
"I am not a drama queen."
"I'm not a St....
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posted by ISABELLA92
Jasper’s POV
“Hello.” I сказал(-а) gruffly.
“Where are you?” my mother barked.
“At Alice’s.” I said.
“I told Ты to be Главная by ten and it’s ten and you’re not here.” My mother yelled.
“I forgot. Can’t I spend a little еще time with Alice?” I asked.
“No, Ты have school tomorrow.” My mother hissed.
“I’m on my way.” I сказал(-а) defeated and disappointed. I hung up and turned to see Alice’s angelic face.
“You have to go home.” She said.
“Yea, Mom beckoned me home. She says we have school tomorrow.” I said.
“Okay. See Ты tomorrow, Jazzie.” Alice сказал(-а) before planting...
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Edward's POV.

Post New Moon. Edward finally caves in to check up on Bella in forks after 3 years of being separated, only the find something opposite. [I haven't written in a while, so I apologise in advance]

Name: New Beginnings.
Author: KatiiCullen93
Rating: PG-13
Themes: Love, marriage, pregnancy, vampire,
Couplings: Jacob/Bella, Edward/Bella



Edwards POV

Three years almost seems like three days in this small town. Driving in, I instantly came to the realization that everything was the same as the time as I left. I'm not sure exactly what I expected but Forks was the same.

The sky was clouded overcast,...
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posted by BuffyFaithFan1
ONCE SECRET, TWICE TOLD
[A New Story From the Автор of HELLO, MY NAME IS: DEATH Series - BuffyFaithfan1]
________________________________
Chapter Two: On Dry Land
LATER THAT NIGHT...
Jessika lay in her постель, кровати and she was watching the season premiere of RINGER featuring Sarah Michelle Gellar when, just as it cut to commercial, a knock came to her door.
"Yes?" Jessika asked and her mom stepped into the room.
"Jess. Listen," She began and Jessika paused the TV with her DVR remote. "I know this is hard. But please, please, just go with this for us?"
Jessika sighed. She knew her mom looked out for her...
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posted by KatiiCullen94
It was almost as if were dreaming, but yet I could feel every sensation around me, the aroma of life was real in this place.
I could detect the smells of salts from the пляж, пляжный and the moist wood from the surrounding forest.
Seeking for the skies I was saw a clouded heaven, pregnant with rain and misery, water in the air.
It was the final breathe of the world.
It was La Push.

"No, Samuel! That's not fair ',I got you!" I heard a little girl sequel from my left side. Despite her volume, her voice was still dearly soft and innocent as if nothing had ever corrupted her immaculate fantasy.
I turned to...
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posted by flynnismine
All right guys, as Ты all have probably noticed my last chapter was a bit of a dozer, but don't worry my Далее chapter will be right. And just incase that Ты have not figured it out yet. Most was the chapter is correct except for the bit about going into the car. That bit will be coming up in the Далее chapter. Also don't be afraid to give me any Совет on how I can make my Письмо Better any critasim is welcome.

On another note this whole story will only be колокол, колокольчик, белл as ok and I will be doing other stories that will be like this one but indifferent povs



SOS



Любовь flynnismine
Chapter 5:
Honey POV:

I woke snuggled into Alec’s chest.
“Morning.” He сказал(-а) with a smile.
“Morning.” I replied sleepy, I stretched before getting out of bed. I heard Alec gasp, I turned round face him, his eyes were wide as he looked me up and down. I looked down, I realised I was wearing a pair of my new sexy night outfits.
“I take it from your expression that Ты like.” I laughed.
“When did Ты get that?” He asked, still looking me up and down.
“Yesterday, when I went shopping.” I jogged his memory.
“Oh.” Was all he said. I walked into the bathroom. I got changed into...
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Chapter 3:
Alec POV.

I walked slowly towards her, something in me went up in fireworks, I couldn’t keep my eyes of her. Her hair tied up in a bun messy, her face, soft calm, her eyes were focused on mine. I was one step away from her. I stopped, it was then I realised I had fell in Любовь with this beautiful young tourist.
“What’s your name?” I asked desperate to learn everything about her.
“Honey Matthews.” She answered.
“Follow me Honey.” I told her, she followed willingly. We walked towards the main room, I realised it was dark, I heard Honey сердце rate go up again. I stopped...
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posted by WildCherryWolf
Looking Nessie in the face at the airport was harder than a challenge I went through as a wolf.
"Promise Ты won't forget me?" My voice was kind of shallow and.... I couldn't describe it.
"Never." The defiance in her voice was comforting.
"Even though you'll be in France." France. Bloody miles away.
"Jake, don't do this to me. Rosalie did my make up, and I like it. And anyway, I'll only be away for a few weeks. It'll go very quick." if I continue building the house, then yes. Bt that s unlikely.
"I'll miss you."
"Me too."
I roped an arm round Nessie for a last hug. Then, with her eyes misted over, she left. I walked out to the Rabbit, and all the way I felt like she had taken half my сердце with her. Renesmee, come back, I silently wished as I started up the old Rabbit. I knew that, for 3 weeks, she would drip into my mind like a leaky faucet. Splash, splash, sploosh. Renesmee, Renesmee, Nessie.