The Last Goodbye
I am standing on my tiptoes with my arms around him and he is bending down so that I can reach. There are tears of joy, and cheering. It is too loud to hear even my own thoughts but somehow I still manage to hear the sound of my сердце in my ears as I cling to my friend. After a long moment, we both pull back slightly and my hands slide over the strange fabric of his bright blue graduation gown. I look up at him knowing this could be the last times I see my most treasured friends. His hand leaves my shoulder, and he places it lightly on my face. My сердце nearly stops as something in his face changes. Every nerve in my body is on edge. Why is he doing this to me? I know he doesn’t feel the same he has never even considered it. Still he slides his hand slowly вперед and down until his thumb is touching the corner of my mouth. The tip of his finger traces the line of my bottom lip until it reaches the center of my lips and rests there. He isn’t looking at my eyes he is looking at his hand as he slowly pulls his thumb lower and the pressure causes my lips to separate. I let out a hot breath and the air hits his skin, and he lowers his thumb and the rest of his fingers Переместить until he is holding my face by the chin. I have been waiting for this moment for so long. I have been waiting for him to stop seeing me as his young freshman friend that he watched graduate high school and finish the first год of college. He is finally seeing me, a young woman. He really is the perfect guy. He never thought of me in a degrading way, he was always gentle, kind, and wise. He never saw how much harder that made it for me to resist, and now he is looking at me and I know he is truly seeing me for the first time. He is leaning toward me, it’s a scene I’ve played in my head so many times it hurts, and all I can think is:
“Don’t.”
I whisper the word with closed eyes and pull away. He lets go and both our arms fall to our sides. The confusion in his light brown eyes is clear, but I don’t know if it is caused by my words, или by his sudden realization that I’m not a little kid anymore but I explain anyway.
“Jonathan, this isn’t you, and I can’t do this. As much as I would Любовь to just stand here and let this happen—let Ты Kiss me—and forget that Ты are leaving soon, forget that I may not ever see Ты again after this summer, forget that afterwards Ты will regret it with all your heart, and then have to break mine, I can’t. But if Ты do, if Ты can see us. If Ты think Ты could Любовь me, for еще than just today then do it. Kiss me. But unless Ты have thought about it, unless Ты have weighed the pros and cons, unless Ты see the possibility for a real relationship here—don’t. Unless Ты know in your сердце that this isn't just something Ты will feel now and regret later, then please, don’t.”
A tear rolls down my face and еще swim in my eyes blurring my vision and I can hardly see his face. In that трещина, сплит second—my taste of eternity—it felt as though all the hurt in the world was mine to bear. The moment stretched forever, I was conscious of ever heartbeat that didn’t happen, while I waited for my dreams to shatter или come true. Then I blinked, and the rest of the tears came flooding down clearing off my eyes so I can see him. He is just staring and thinking. He doesn’t Переместить and I don’t breathe. Then his gaze leaves the floor, and he is looking in my eyes again. For the секунда time in all the years that I’ve known him he touches my face and pulls me close, but his lips instead of meeting mine draw close to my ear, and in a chocked voice he whispers:
“I’m sorry.”
I am standing on my tiptoes with my arms around him and he is bending down so that I can reach. There are tears of joy, and cheering. It is too loud to hear even my own thoughts but somehow I still manage to hear the sound of my сердце in my ears as I cling to my friend. After a long moment, we both pull back slightly and my hands slide over the strange fabric of his bright blue graduation gown. I look up at him knowing this could be the last times I see my most treasured friends. His hand leaves my shoulder, and he places it lightly on my face. My сердце nearly stops as something in his face changes. Every nerve in my body is on edge. Why is he doing this to me? I know he doesn’t feel the same he has never even considered it. Still he slides his hand slowly вперед and down until his thumb is touching the corner of my mouth. The tip of his finger traces the line of my bottom lip until it reaches the center of my lips and rests there. He isn’t looking at my eyes he is looking at his hand as he slowly pulls his thumb lower and the pressure causes my lips to separate. I let out a hot breath and the air hits his skin, and he lowers his thumb and the rest of his fingers Переместить until he is holding my face by the chin. I have been waiting for this moment for so long. I have been waiting for him to stop seeing me as his young freshman friend that he watched graduate high school and finish the first год of college. He is finally seeing me, a young woman. He really is the perfect guy. He never thought of me in a degrading way, he was always gentle, kind, and wise. He never saw how much harder that made it for me to resist, and now he is looking at me and I know he is truly seeing me for the first time. He is leaning toward me, it’s a scene I’ve played in my head so many times it hurts, and all I can think is:
“Don’t.”
I whisper the word with closed eyes and pull away. He lets go and both our arms fall to our sides. The confusion in his light brown eyes is clear, but I don’t know if it is caused by my words, или by his sudden realization that I’m not a little kid anymore but I explain anyway.
“Jonathan, this isn’t you, and I can’t do this. As much as I would Любовь to just stand here and let this happen—let Ты Kiss me—and forget that Ты are leaving soon, forget that I may not ever see Ты again after this summer, forget that afterwards Ты will regret it with all your heart, and then have to break mine, I can’t. But if Ты do, if Ты can see us. If Ты think Ты could Любовь me, for еще than just today then do it. Kiss me. But unless Ты have thought about it, unless Ты have weighed the pros and cons, unless Ты see the possibility for a real relationship here—don’t. Unless Ты know in your сердце that this isn't just something Ты will feel now and regret later, then please, don’t.”
A tear rolls down my face and еще swim in my eyes blurring my vision and I can hardly see his face. In that трещина, сплит second—my taste of eternity—it felt as though all the hurt in the world was mine to bear. The moment stretched forever, I was conscious of ever heartbeat that didn’t happen, while I waited for my dreams to shatter или come true. Then I blinked, and the rest of the tears came flooding down clearing off my eyes so I can see him. He is just staring and thinking. He doesn’t Переместить and I don’t breathe. Then his gaze leaves the floor, and he is looking in my eyes again. For the секунда time in all the years that I’ve known him he touches my face and pulls me close, but his lips instead of meeting mine draw close to my ear, and in a chocked voice he whispers:
“I’m sorry.”
i dindnt say anything for a minute,then i spoke.
'do Ты know why?"
'well,she сказал(-а) something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come by my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
'do Ты know why?"
'well,she сказал(-а) something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come by my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
Sobriety is beyond a horizon for you,
One Ты won't be alive to even get to.
Your mind is set to be dead in 10
Years, my fears, my tears,
don't matter, your emotionless, here.
My bothersome phone calls,
"I'm just checking in"
"Yeah, I don't care"
I can't ever win.
My eyes are taped open,
horrific Обои replay,
and even when I close them,
they're imprinted in my mind,
they're there to stay.
Blackness engulfs me,
like a whirlpool of nothing,
Your arch nemesis,
Your pal,
Your meaningless suffering.
Why do Ты do this,
to yourself, and to me?
I don't get why Ты mess around,
just let yourself be!
One Ты won't be alive to even get to.
Your mind is set to be dead in 10
Years, my fears, my tears,
don't matter, your emotionless, here.
My bothersome phone calls,
"I'm just checking in"
"Yeah, I don't care"
I can't ever win.
My eyes are taped open,
horrific Обои replay,
and even when I close them,
they're imprinted in my mind,
they're there to stay.
Blackness engulfs me,
like a whirlpool of nothing,
Your arch nemesis,
Your pal,
Your meaningless suffering.
Why do Ты do this,
to yourself, and to me?
I don't get why Ты mess around,
just let yourself be!
I'm sat at home
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt еще than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to Любовь me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I Любовь him, but his Любовь is dim
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt еще than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to Любовь me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I Любовь him, but his Любовь is dim