HOW TO INSTALL SOFTWARE
1. Examine the software packaging until Ты find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system Ты need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR или HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK Космос
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette или a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT:
By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's Главная and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it или leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If Ты have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, Ты idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. Ты will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+
9. After Ты make your selection, Ты will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a Еда processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. Ты may now attempt to run your software. If Ты experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, или intestinal parasites, Ты should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
1. Examine the software packaging until Ты find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system Ты need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR или HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK Космос
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette или a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT:
By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's Главная and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it или leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If Ты have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, Ты idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. Ты will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+
9. After Ты make your selection, Ты will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a Еда processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. Ты may now attempt to run your software. If Ты experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, или intestinal parasites, Ты should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
1. Ruin there Избранное dress with lipstick
2.Slap them in the face with something alive
3. Make a bath for them with salt.
4. When they are at a fancy dinner, make fart noises
5. Run around them saying "Your butt is smelly!"
6. Say infront of everyone that your enemy watches Dora.
7. Fill a water ballon with суп and prank him.
8. Kiss her boyfriend right In front of her
9. Push her into a 20 ft pool. (Espicially if she can't swim)
10. Steal her wallet and spend all her money and use her credit card. (Or through it in the trash.)
All made up by me. ^ ^
2.Slap them in the face with something alive
3. Make a bath for them with salt.
4. When they are at a fancy dinner, make fart noises
5. Run around them saying "Your butt is smelly!"
6. Say infront of everyone that your enemy watches Dora.
7. Fill a water ballon with суп and prank him.
8. Kiss her boyfriend right In front of her
9. Push her into a 20 ft pool. (Espicially if she can't swim)
10. Steal her wallet and spend all her money and use her credit card. (Or through it in the trash.)
All made up by me. ^ ^
No AC/DC, people. I'm sorry.
1. "Highway Star", by Deep Purple
2. "Fear Of The Dark", by Iron Maiden
3. "Money For Nothing", by Dire Straits
4. "Sharp Dressed Man", by ZZ Top
5. "Come On Feel The Noise", by Quiet Riot
6. "Love In An Elevator", by Aerosmith
7. "Still Of The Night", by Whitesnake
8. "Nobody's Wife", by Anouk
9. "Stairway To Heaven", by Led Zeppelin
10. "Smokin'", by Boston
11. "Cherry Bomb", by The Runaways
12. "Mother, by Danzig
13. "Voodoo", by Black Sabbath
14. "Hot Blooded", by Foreigner
15. "Barracuda", by Heart
16. "Turn Up The Radio", by Autograph
17. "I Любовь Ты Period", by Dan Baird
18. "Rock & Roll 69", by Betty Blowtorch
19. "I Can't Drive 55", by Sammy Hagar
20. "Carry On Wayward Son", by Kansas
There's someone knockin' on my door
There in the shadows, looks like a hand
Come to the rescue now
Once there was a man who decided he knew everything
Life's been so good to me
I went to see what I could find
Ты never lived in the streets though Ты wish Ты had
I'm so sorry, please forgive me
Living in the sixth dimension
Over time I've come to feel
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If Ты need help или another example for a better understanding, let me know.