Болталка Club
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just got this while browsing the net

1.I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it.

2.I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to my teacher's heavy workload.

3.A bunch of nerds украл, палантин it to make sure theirs were completely perfect.

4.We ran out of toilet paper at my house last night, and my Dad isn't feeling so good. He grabbed it in a big rush and I haven't seen it since.

5.My mother took it to have it framed.

6.It was in my back pocket and a pickpocket украл, палантин it.

7.I let somebody copy it but they never gave it back.

8.My mom's whooping cough vaccination wore off and we had to go to the hospital.

9.My skimpy printer ran out of ink.

10.I wasn't able to do my homework this weekend because when I went ice fishing, the heater inside of the tent got too close to the Стена of the tent, starting it on fire. And when I ran out of there, I realized that my cat was still in there. My cat was in there because all the small рыба that I catch, I just give to my cat. But when I went back for my cat, the огонь was too hot. So I spent the weekend morning the loss of my cat.

11."You сказал(-а) do Вопросы 1-10. Ты didn't say bring them in."

12.My youngest daughter couldn't turn in her homework because her younger step-brother had stolen it, filled it in and turned it in to his teacher to prove how smart he was.

13.My house is being fumigated and I don't want to go in there and suffocate just to get it.

14.I left it in my рубашка and my mother put the рубашка in the wash.

15.I didn't do it because I spent all night doing the Назад night's homework.

16.My Dad accidentally put it in his портфель and took it to work.

17.My flash drive exploded.

18.The cleaning lady threw it away.

19.I felt like doing the whole book on the bus ride home, so I did -- but after the first 116 pages, I got bus-sick and puked all over the workbook and all my homework! What a coincidence, eh? So I started an extra credit Сообщить about World War I & II in my car going back Главная after ужин and, lo and behold!, my clumsy little siblings all felt carsick and hurled all over it and the World War библиотека book (that'll explain the School библиотека fine). And it was already too late to start another one, so my mom wrote me a note excusing me for not bringing in my homework. I was looking at it on the bus when Billy (or whoever), who was sitting Далее to me, felt really sick and guess what happened?

20.I put it in the safe, but Остаться в живых the combination.

21.My child’s locker is jammed and she can't get her homework out of it.

22.Some aliens from outer Космос borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked.

23.Had to bail mom out of jail again.

24.A sudden wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.

25.I have the mathematical proof, but there isn't room to write it in the margin.

26.The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box.

27.I was in the lunch room and another student started criticizing Ты and I just couldn't let that go without letting him know he was wrong. I searched through my backpack to find something to throw at him, and all I could find was today's homework assignment, so I let him have it.

28.I thought the assignment was uninspiring. I read Moby Dick instead.

29.I got soap in my eyes and was blinded for the rest of the night.

30.Please excuse Jackie for not having her homework she was a little under the weatherman, and there was a big flurry in Central America.

31.I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.It wasn't challenging enough.

32.Our dog has mistaken Reid’s homework for that GOSH DAMN newspaper.

33.I didn't do it, because I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

34.I gave it to a homeless man to line his hat with.

35.My daughter couldn't turn in her homework because her dad had used it to start a огонь in the wood stove.

36.A man came into my house last night and threatened to commit suicide. Well, it turns out he had a split-personality, so it was considered a hostage situation. It was a big commotion. Police, ambulance, everything! I can't believe Ты didn't hear about it! That's why I couldn't get my homework done.

37.A mad circus clown украл, палантин it on my bus stop and tried luring me into his house with it.

38.Aliens from outer Космос abducted my homework. They threatened me and сказал(-а) that if I didn’t give them my homework that I would be terminated.

39."Sharon didn't do her homework because of her eyes.....She couldn't see any reason to do it."

40.My internet access was down (for emailed assignments).

41.I did my homework in my head, I didn’t know I was supposed to write it down. Then I forgot. Далее time should I Показать my work?

42.I left it at Mom's house when she took me back to Dad's house.

43.I did do it all, but before I got a chance to save, my book crashed and I Остаться в живых it all.

44.I loaned it to a friend, but he moved away.

45.I left it in my locker with last week's assignment.

46."I left it on your стол письменный, стол last Friday but its just not here and it was handwritten so I can't print it off again, took me ages!"

47.I left it in a hymn book in the choir loft, having used it to mark my solo.

48.I gave it to the substitute.

49.My printer broke and my disk is corrupted. Unfortunately my computer crashed this morning as well.

50.I left my homework on my стол письменный, стол at home. My dog got ahold of it and slobbered all over it. I didn’t want to bring it in with all those dog germs.

51.I dropped it in the toilet accidentally and it got flushed.

52.I have radon poisoning.

53.My notebook got stolen in the school cafeteria and it had all my work in it.

54.There's a virus in my printer.

55."Joe don't have his homework because our family just got a new paper shredder, and I just had to test it out, and I accidentally shredded Joe’s homework."

56.My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls.

57.Another student fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him but unfortunately my homework drowned.

58.We had no Еда in the house. I can’t do homework on an empty stomach. Can you?

59.I left it in the back of the truck when we went deer hunting. One of the textbook's word problems offended me. I'm not supporting them by doing any еще of their problems.

60.Please excuse my son for doing so poorly on the test. The час he puts aside to do homework and studying every week was Остаться в живых when the clocks "sprung forward" over the weekend.

61.I was at a rally last night.
posted by CullenProperty
1.    Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys Любовь flirts.
3. A guy can like Ты for a minute, and then forget Ты afterwards.
4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
5. "Are Ты doing something?" или "Have Ты eaten already?" are the first usual Вопросы a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
6. Guys may be flirting around all день but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
7. When a guy really likes you,...
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1. I Любовь the way we finish each other’s sentences.

2. I Любовь the way I know you’ll never give up on me.

3. I Любовь the fact that I wouldn’t ever give up on you.

4. I Любовь the way Ты look at me.

5. I Любовь how beautiful your eyes are.

6. I Любовь the way I can’t imagine a день without Ты in my life.

7. I Любовь the way if we were ever separated I wouldn’t know how to go on.

8. I Любовь the way we cuddle and watch sunsets together.

9. I Любовь the way we sometimes stay up all night and just talk, then watch the sunrise together.

10. I Любовь how I know you’ll always be there when I need Ты to be.

11....
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1. Angus is for a beefy yet cute boyfriend, или to bolster up the woefully sagging self-esteem of a weak, pasty face limb noodle who does your homework for you.

2. Babe - is a classic cute boyfriend nickname that will only get Ты in a slight amount of trouble in front of his friends. ( i call mine this)

3. Baby Boo Boo - is for a boyfriend that you'd like to castrate slowly by giving him effeminate names.

4. Bunny-kins - means you're cousins and will be humping like bunnies at the Далее family wedding.

5. Bunny Wabbit - Ты may as well stroke his belly with a coonskin кепка, колпачок and feed him grapes when...
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DEMENTED POEMS

Розы are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

Розы are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy

Розы are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And Показать me your tits

Розы make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And Ты Любовь it up the shitter

Розы are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

Розы are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just cum
Pass me a hanky

Розы are red
It's elementary
Let's ring your best friend
And try double entry

Розы are shit
Violets are crap
Показать me your clit
And I'll cum in your lap

Розы are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give me a blow job
And глотать, ласточка it down

Розы are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey
posted by Bubblekat
1. Go around stores, pick up items and yell out really loudly "Who buys this CRAP anyway?!"

2. Get a cart, get on the bar below the bar Ты grip, and push it down the isle, extra points for running into something или someone

3. Go up to a Болталка person and say "you have pretty eyes, may I have your eyes?!" and hear to see what they say

4. Laugh randomly

5. If someones talking on a cellphone Go closer to them and start maki Болталка noises to disturb them, extra points if they hang up

6. If your near a фонтан run to it and start splashing in it

7. If your mom starts nagging to Ты in public about the...
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1. At the movies: When Ты meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are Ты doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t Ты try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When Ты ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala”...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
my friend sent me this text message a while назад and i thought it was hilarious!!!




i need to ask Ты somethingand i want Ты to be totally honest with me. it may be awkward between us after this but i have to kow how Ты feel... I've kept it in for a while now but now it's time to be straight up and just confront you. i hope this doesn't ruin anything we have, i just need to know and i dont see any other way i could get over this. it just doesn't seem fair if i dont gett an answer. i want Ты to tell me truthfully, please no matter how harsh it is. i just want your hoest opinion...

Pepsi или Coke?



Ha ha ha ha !!!
Funny.
added by adultswimperson
Source: Google
I found this hilarious Статья on pcworld.com
Don't know who the Автор is, but he's funny.

1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.

2. It's Трофеи Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.

3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my...
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added by XxKeithHarkinxX
Source: Google
posted by Sheetal1256
Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a Пароль other than "password" или "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits Далее to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be еще imaginative.

I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some еще excuses.

I will do less laundry and use еще deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever...
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added by Crazedsitcomfan
Give my regards to broadway. o-O

*Insert epic theme song here*

Alright, I'm pretty sure we all know who Spongebob is. The Показать was a funny, crazy, and inventive kids Показать that pretty much EVERYBODY ALIVE has at least heard of.

The Показать had memorable characters, funny comedy that everyone can enjoy, and.......

CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! ^____^

But one of my Избранное parts of the Показать was the songs, and today we're counting down the best of them!

BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SING BETTER THAN A TALKING SPONGE. ;D

#10. Striped Sweater!

link

Shots fired.

Seriously, this is EASILY the stupidest song on this...
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added by Juilet1234
posted by flippy_fan210
Some of Ты might have heard of the game Facade. those of Ты who have, Ты probably wonder why they hate Melons so much. well, this is my theory.
_____________________-_____________________
Trip and Grace used to live in a normal home, no fancy apartment. they had a child, Phoebe. she...really liked melons.

she bought one when she was 5 and never let anyone eat it. they let her keep it. one day, she сказал(-а) "i want a cat". it was totally out of the blue, but they сказал(-а) yes, she got a little black cat and named him Ivan. she really loved him. one day, she took Ivan up to her room. she came down,...
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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did Ты get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A пингвин rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four Вопросы to determine the level of your intellect. Your Ответы must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating или wasting time.

And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: Ты are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in секунда place.
In which position are Ты now?

Answer:

If Ты answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. Ты overtook the секунда runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the Далее Вопрос try not to be so dumb.

2 : If Ты overtake the last...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
a boy was asked by his teacher to pick some spelling words for his homework. the boy goes Главная and asks his mum "what's a good spelling word?" and the mother Ответы " Shutup, i'm busy", so he writes it down.
he goes to his dad and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and the dad Ответы "da na na na Batman!" so he writes it down.
next he goes to his older sister and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and she Ответы "yeah yeah" so the boy writes it down.
he goes to his younger sister and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and she Ответы "lollipop, lollipop" so he writes it down.
Finally he goes...
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posted by invadercalliope
•Everyone in this place is unhappy. And since they're unhappy, they're probably looking for someone worse off than they are.
•You know who isn't human? Ты know who isn't human?! PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
•Up to this day, I've never killed a single human.
•You will never see me again.
•I was going to let Ты go; after all, there aren't many of us out there, but you're just such a pain in the ass.
•Please forget about everything.
•Are Ты enjoying this?
Kouta: "I thought we were friends."

Lucy: "We are friends, that's why you're still alive."

Kouta: "You killed my father, Kanae.. and my sister Kanae... For that I will never forgive you."
Lucy: "All this time, I've lived in hope of telling Ты how sorry I am, I've fought armies, just to have this chance, but now, there's nothing I can say that's good enough."

Kurama: "Regret is the domain of those who have earned the right to look back on the past. All I have is shame."
The End
What's your personality type?

Picks/Polls
link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link
link

(E) Extrovert
-Tend to focus on the outer world of people and the external environment
-Like variety and action
-Often impatient with long, slow jobs
-Are interested in the activities of their work and in how other people do it
-Often act quickly, sometimes without thinking
-Develop ideas by discussion
-Like to learn new task by talking it through with someone
-Need to experience the world in order to understand it and thus tend to like action

(I) Introverts
-Focus еще on their own inner world,...
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