(This is a new series where I negatively review classic stories. And yes, I do like this story and I will like all the others I will do in the future, but I just thought this was a fun idea so... There Ты go.)
So I'm pretty sure by now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a волк and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)
BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing out every single last problem with it.
It's time to take a good old гусак, гандер at "The Three Little Pigs"
"Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
And monkeys chewed tobacco,
And hens took snuff to make them tough,
And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!"
.............
Dafaq? And yes, this IS the original too. So I guess this story is another.............
TOTAL TRIP DOWN LSD LAAAAAAAND!!! ^_____^
"There was an old свиноматка, сеять, соу with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Is it just me или does this sentence not make sense? I mean, it says there's an old свиноматка, сеять, соу with three pigs, that's alright, but the rest doesn't add up. So, what? Is the свиноматка, сеять, соу referring to a house или a mother или A TALKING HOUSE или WHAT!?
"The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and сказал(-а) to him: Please, man, give me that straw to build a house."
Yes old man, please give me your valuable supplies you'll probably need a lot for later. Give me presumably the only thing Ты have for free. :)
"Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it."
Wait, THAT'S IT!? THAT'S ALL THEY DO WITH THE OLD MAN!? WHY MAKE A CHARACTER IF THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE 2 секунды OF SCREEN TIME, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
The Автор could've made an AWESOME ending where all the pigs are about to die, but then the old man saves them all and fights off the wolf! или maybe the old man was evil and planned on killing the pigs later! BUT OF ALL THE THINGS THE Автор DECIDES TO DO, his mind decides to hail the magic ракушка, раковина, конч shell and do nothing with the old man.
WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DRAW A DETAILED ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM!?
And it gets even better. :)
"Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
Because evil, deadly, and vicious man-eating Волки apparently knock on doors. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO TEACH KIDS!
Волки would NEVER EVER do something that stupid and nice, they'd kill Ты on the spot!
*Now waiting for Комментарии telling me Волки can be nice and I can suck it*
"To which the pig answered: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
My Teacher: Эй, Jared, tell me what 6 times 9 is. :)
Me: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!
My Teacher: Then FUCKING DIE BITCH! >:D
Me: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID THIS BECOME LETHAL WEAPON!? X___X
Seriously, who the hell says that? Oh well, whatever floats the authors boat. (Comments: Who says THAT!? @___@)
"The волк then answered to that: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
BECAUSE SCARY VICIOUS MAN-EATING Волки WHO WANT YOUR BLOOD.....
Apparently blow on your house in hopes of knocking it down. Seriously, this is the worst волк ever. HE'S еще OF A PANSY THAN SHANG TSUNG FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 9!
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS A CHILDREN'S STORY!? Seriously, when the HELL in any kids book does a character get BRUTALLY EATEN ALIVE!? And I swear to god this is the original.
All of a sudden this wolf..... He ate a poor innocent little pig......
HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS! ^_____^
"The секунда little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said: Please, man, give me that furze to build a house."
BECAUSE EVERY 4 год OLD Чтение THIS BOOK KNOWS WHAT FURZE IS. :D
Seriously, before this review not even I KNEW what furze was. Great way to teach the kids there! Might as well put words like Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane and Acetaminophen in your book.
IT'S NO USE!
"Which the man did, and the pig built his house."
Another old man character with less personality than Pebbles and Bam-Bam from the Flintstones, HOOFUCKINGRAY. -___-
"Then along came the wolf, and said:"
I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! >:D
Yeah, I'm just screwing with you. XD
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not by the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
THis hasn't really bothered me until now, but HOW THE FUCK do Ты blow a house IN!? HOW DO Ты BLOW DOWN A HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Marvin The Martian from the Looney Toons just blew everything up. Hell, that would've been EPIC!
Seriously, someone has to do a Three Little Pigs and Marvin The Martian crossover, I'D PAY ANYTHING to see that.
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house down, and he ate up the little pig."
I can just imagine the pre-school teachers saying "Yeah, this book is fine! No deadly vicious man-eating Волки eating innocent little pigs in THIS book! :D"
Fucking liers. XD
"The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said: Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with."
And the волк huffed, and he puffed, and he fucked up, the end. :)
Haha Jared, I wish.
"So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them."
Gee, these old people sure are nice..... Giving away good and valuable supplies for free...... Maybe they're on to something! Maybe they want to kill us a-
FREE STUFFZ YAYZAS! ^___________^
"So the волк came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not by the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”
Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP! >:D
Sorry, it's just so fun thinking about if that was actually in this book. XD
"Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down."
What they need is Kirby for this job, he'll fucking annihilate the brick house.
LIKE A BOSS!
"When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips. Where?"
You.... Ты MONSTER! Ты eat all my friends.... Ты destroy their houses and take everything that they owned..... And Ты even tried to murder me, and NOW you're trying to be friends!?
..................
OKAAAAAAAYYYY :DDDDDDD
"Oh, in Mr. Smith’s Home-field, and if Ты will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.”
The Wolf: Oh we'll get ужин alright..... It'll be delicious..... Just Ты and me, all alone........
The Third Pig: SOUNDS LEGIT! :D
"Very well... сказал(-а) the little pig, I will be ready. What time do Ты mean to go? Oh, at six o’clock.”
Ты have got to be fucking kidding me. Haven't Ты ever heard the term "Never Judge A Book By It's Cover"?
Me at Главная looking for good books: BORING, DULL, STUPID, LAME....
"Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the волк came (which he did about six) and said: Little Pig, are Ты ready? The little pig said: Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
A POTFUL OF YOU! BWAHAHAHA!!!! *Intimidating Lightning*
Oh I forgot, this is The Three Little Pigs. GODDAMN IT!
"The волк felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow или other, so he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree. Where? сказал(-а) the pig."
LITTLE PIG, IF Ты CLICK THIS BUTTON YOU'LL WIN ONE-MILLION DOLLARS! ^____^
Pig: ZOMFG REALLY!? :D
Seriously, this character is so stupid it's almost insulting.
"Down at Merry-garden replied the волк and if Ты will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o’clock tomorrow and get some apples.”
Dear god, I feel like I'm reviewing a bad fanfiction.....
Also, HOW THE HELL CAN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS TALK!? I've been trying not to mention this for the entire article, but I can't stand it anymore. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING!?
Advertisement: AND THAT'S the benefits of meth and cocaine! ^___^
"Well, the little pig bustled up the Далее morning at four o’clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the волк came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the волк coming, which, as Ты may suppose, frightened him very much."
Longest fucking sentence ever. Seriously, anything еще complicated than "He bought an apple" Shouldn't be in a kids book.
Also, this story is long as hell. Maybe Далее time I'll just review a Dr. Suess book.
(??: Oh yes Jared.... Yes Ты will..... Ты will PAY for what Ты did to me in your вверх 10 Things I Hate The Most In Video Games list. Haha, HAHHAAHH!!!!)
"When the волк came up he said: Little pig, what! Are Ты here before me? Are they nice apples?”
*Trying so hard to not make a penis joke*
"Yes, very, сказал(-а) the little pig. I will throw Ты down one. And he threw it so far, that, while the волк was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home."
What kind of 5 год old wants to read this? My god, THIS IS SO BORING!
"The Далее день the волк came again, and сказал(-а) to the little pig: Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will Ты go? Oh yes, сказал(-а) the pig, I will go; what time shall Ты be ready?"
Me: *Wakes Up* AHHH EVIL MUTANT GUMMY медведь NAPALM FLAME NINJAS, Ты WON'T PREVAIL THIS TIME! >.<
Me: Oh, this is reality. Oops.
MY GOD THOUGH, WHAT KIND OF KID IS GOING TO SIT THROUGH THIS!? At this point I would've done the sane thing and slammed the fucking book shut!
“At three, сказал(-а) the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going Главная with, when he saw the волк coming."
I'm using all the power in my human body to not make a sex joke right here.
"Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and by so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the холм, хилл with the pig in it, which frightened the волк so much, that he ran Главная without going to the fair."
AND THAT'S WHY Ты DON'T FUCK WITH PIGS.
-DA END-
Haha Jared, I wish. :)
I made that joke an час ago. AW FUCK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?
"He went to the little pig’s house, and told him how frightened he had been by a great round thing which came down the холм, хилл past him."
IT WAS BIG, IT WAS ALL WIGGLY, AND IT ATE EVERYTHING! XD
Spongebob for the fucking win.
"Then the little pig said: Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill."
Suddenly this pig..... He almost murdered a wolf.... He resorted to bloodshed in a kids book.....
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! ^_______^
Damn it, I made that joke an час назад too. FUCK!
"Then the волк was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him."
Yes wolf. Reveal your plans in a very obvious way. Tell the pig straight up you're going to kill him and let him set up to kill you. :)
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS волк IS STUPIDER THAN COSMO FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS! WHO THE HELL WOULD SAY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TO SOMEONE!?
Also for a moment I thought I was Чтение The Twilight Zone. It's just that this book has so much dark themes in it.
...........
I just called The Three Little Pigs dark. Wow.
Holy shit. I'm going insane.
"When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the волк was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards."
THANK Иисус IT'S FINALLY OVER.
In conclusion, why do so many people like this book? It's boring, a bit dark for kids, has a lot of long sentences and words in it 4 год old kids wouldn't understand, it's too long for it's own good, and the characters are дана little to no to Scrappy Doo personality.
It's cliche, lame, and outdated as hell. And that's it. I'm finally done, holy shit.
(For the record, all of the conclusion is a lie. Well, most of it anyways. I really did like this story, so leave me alone Комментарии section.)
Anyways, this is Jared Potts, signing o-
??: Guess who..... Hahaha......
Me: Well fuck.
Kyros: Yes, it's me again. And you.... Ты sick bastard.....
Me: What do Ты want, some popcorn? It's in the cabin-
Kyros: SILENCE! Ты shall pay DEARLY for what Ты did to me! And your punishment......
Me: What is it, lunch detention? :D
Kyros! THAT'S IT! FOR YOUR Далее CRUSHING THE CLASSICS ARTICLE, YOU'RE GOING TO REVIEW YOUR Избранное DR. SUESS STORY.......
Me: Wait.... Ты wouldn't.....
Kyros: Oh yes I would... Ha....Haha..... HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Me: Please.... Don't do it! I Любовь that book!
Kyros: IT'S FINAL! YOU'RE REVIEWING..............
Kyros: The. Butter. Battle. Book.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well shit, the Далее episode's going to be a doozie. Goddamn it Kyros. Anyways, see Ты guys later! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to click the I'm A Фан button if Ты enjoyed!)
So I'm pretty sure by now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a волк and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)
BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing out every single last problem with it.
It's time to take a good old гусак, гандер at "The Three Little Pigs"
"Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
And monkeys chewed tobacco,
And hens took snuff to make them tough,
And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!"
.............
Dafaq? And yes, this IS the original too. So I guess this story is another.............
TOTAL TRIP DOWN LSD LAAAAAAAND!!! ^_____^
"There was an old свиноматка, сеять, соу with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Is it just me или does this sentence not make sense? I mean, it says there's an old свиноматка, сеять, соу with three pigs, that's alright, but the rest doesn't add up. So, what? Is the свиноматка, сеять, соу referring to a house или a mother или A TALKING HOUSE или WHAT!?
"The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and сказал(-а) to him: Please, man, give me that straw to build a house."
Yes old man, please give me your valuable supplies you'll probably need a lot for later. Give me presumably the only thing Ты have for free. :)
"Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it."
Wait, THAT'S IT!? THAT'S ALL THEY DO WITH THE OLD MAN!? WHY MAKE A CHARACTER IF THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE 2 секунды OF SCREEN TIME, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
The Автор could've made an AWESOME ending where all the pigs are about to die, but then the old man saves them all and fights off the wolf! или maybe the old man was evil and planned on killing the pigs later! BUT OF ALL THE THINGS THE Автор DECIDES TO DO, his mind decides to hail the magic ракушка, раковина, конч shell and do nothing with the old man.
WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DRAW A DETAILED ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM!?
And it gets even better. :)
"Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
Because evil, deadly, and vicious man-eating Волки apparently knock on doors. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO TEACH KIDS!
Волки would NEVER EVER do something that stupid and nice, they'd kill Ты on the spot!
*Now waiting for Комментарии telling me Волки can be nice and I can suck it*
"To which the pig answered: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
My Teacher: Эй, Jared, tell me what 6 times 9 is. :)
Me: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!
My Teacher: Then FUCKING DIE BITCH! >:D
Me: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID THIS BECOME LETHAL WEAPON!? X___X
Seriously, who the hell says that? Oh well, whatever floats the authors boat. (Comments: Who says THAT!? @___@)
"The волк then answered to that: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
BECAUSE SCARY VICIOUS MAN-EATING Волки WHO WANT YOUR BLOOD.....
Apparently blow on your house in hopes of knocking it down. Seriously, this is the worst волк ever. HE'S еще OF A PANSY THAN SHANG TSUNG FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 9!
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS A CHILDREN'S STORY!? Seriously, when the HELL in any kids book does a character get BRUTALLY EATEN ALIVE!? And I swear to god this is the original.
All of a sudden this wolf..... He ate a poor innocent little pig......
HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS! ^_____^
"The секунда little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said: Please, man, give me that furze to build a house."
BECAUSE EVERY 4 год OLD Чтение THIS BOOK KNOWS WHAT FURZE IS. :D
Seriously, before this review not even I KNEW what furze was. Great way to teach the kids there! Might as well put words like Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane and Acetaminophen in your book.
IT'S NO USE!
"Which the man did, and the pig built his house."
Another old man character with less personality than Pebbles and Bam-Bam from the Flintstones, HOOFUCKINGRAY. -___-
"Then along came the wolf, and said:"
I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! >:D
Yeah, I'm just screwing with you. XD
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not by the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
THis hasn't really bothered me until now, but HOW THE FUCK do Ты blow a house IN!? HOW DO Ты BLOW DOWN A HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Marvin The Martian from the Looney Toons just blew everything up. Hell, that would've been EPIC!
Seriously, someone has to do a Three Little Pigs and Marvin The Martian crossover, I'D PAY ANYTHING to see that.
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house down, and he ate up the little pig."
I can just imagine the pre-school teachers saying "Yeah, this book is fine! No deadly vicious man-eating Волки eating innocent little pigs in THIS book! :D"
Fucking liers. XD
"The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said: Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with."
And the волк huffed, and he puffed, and he fucked up, the end. :)
Haha Jared, I wish.
"So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them."
Gee, these old people sure are nice..... Giving away good and valuable supplies for free...... Maybe they're on to something! Maybe they want to kill us a-
FREE STUFFZ YAYZAS! ^___________^
"So the волк came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not by the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”
Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP! >:D
Sorry, it's just so fun thinking about if that was actually in this book. XD
"Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down."
What they need is Kirby for this job, he'll fucking annihilate the brick house.
LIKE A BOSS!
"When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips. Where?"
You.... Ты MONSTER! Ты eat all my friends.... Ты destroy their houses and take everything that they owned..... And Ты even tried to murder me, and NOW you're trying to be friends!?
..................
OKAAAAAAAYYYY :DDDDDDD
"Oh, in Mr. Smith’s Home-field, and if Ты will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.”
The Wolf: Oh we'll get ужин alright..... It'll be delicious..... Just Ты and me, all alone........
The Third Pig: SOUNDS LEGIT! :D
"Very well... сказал(-а) the little pig, I will be ready. What time do Ты mean to go? Oh, at six o’clock.”
Ты have got to be fucking kidding me. Haven't Ты ever heard the term "Never Judge A Book By It's Cover"?
Me at Главная looking for good books: BORING, DULL, STUPID, LAME....
"Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the волк came (which he did about six) and said: Little Pig, are Ты ready? The little pig said: Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
A POTFUL OF YOU! BWAHAHAHA!!!! *Intimidating Lightning*
Oh I forgot, this is The Three Little Pigs. GODDAMN IT!
"The волк felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow или other, so he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree. Where? сказал(-а) the pig."
LITTLE PIG, IF Ты CLICK THIS BUTTON YOU'LL WIN ONE-MILLION DOLLARS! ^____^
Pig: ZOMFG REALLY!? :D
Seriously, this character is so stupid it's almost insulting.
"Down at Merry-garden replied the волк and if Ты will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o’clock tomorrow and get some apples.”
Dear god, I feel like I'm reviewing a bad fanfiction.....
Also, HOW THE HELL CAN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS TALK!? I've been trying not to mention this for the entire article, but I can't stand it anymore. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING!?
Advertisement: AND THAT'S the benefits of meth and cocaine! ^___^
"Well, the little pig bustled up the Далее morning at four o’clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the волк came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the волк coming, which, as Ты may suppose, frightened him very much."
Longest fucking sentence ever. Seriously, anything еще complicated than "He bought an apple" Shouldn't be in a kids book.
Also, this story is long as hell. Maybe Далее time I'll just review a Dr. Suess book.
(??: Oh yes Jared.... Yes Ты will..... Ты will PAY for what Ты did to me in your вверх 10 Things I Hate The Most In Video Games list. Haha, HAHHAAHH!!!!)
"When the волк came up he said: Little pig, what! Are Ты here before me? Are they nice apples?”
*Trying so hard to not make a penis joke*
"Yes, very, сказал(-а) the little pig. I will throw Ты down one. And he threw it so far, that, while the волк was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home."
What kind of 5 год old wants to read this? My god, THIS IS SO BORING!
"The Далее день the волк came again, and сказал(-а) to the little pig: Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will Ты go? Oh yes, сказал(-а) the pig, I will go; what time shall Ты be ready?"
Me: *Wakes Up* AHHH EVIL MUTANT GUMMY медведь NAPALM FLAME NINJAS, Ты WON'T PREVAIL THIS TIME! >.<
Me: Oh, this is reality. Oops.
MY GOD THOUGH, WHAT KIND OF KID IS GOING TO SIT THROUGH THIS!? At this point I would've done the sane thing and slammed the fucking book shut!
“At three, сказал(-а) the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going Главная with, when he saw the волк coming."
I'm using all the power in my human body to not make a sex joke right here.
"Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and by so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the холм, хилл with the pig in it, which frightened the волк so much, that he ran Главная without going to the fair."
AND THAT'S WHY Ты DON'T FUCK WITH PIGS.
-DA END-
Haha Jared, I wish. :)
I made that joke an час ago. AW FUCK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?
"He went to the little pig’s house, and told him how frightened he had been by a great round thing which came down the холм, хилл past him."
IT WAS BIG, IT WAS ALL WIGGLY, AND IT ATE EVERYTHING! XD
Spongebob for the fucking win.
"Then the little pig said: Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill."
Suddenly this pig..... He almost murdered a wolf.... He resorted to bloodshed in a kids book.....
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! ^_______^
Damn it, I made that joke an час назад too. FUCK!
"Then the волк was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him."
Yes wolf. Reveal your plans in a very obvious way. Tell the pig straight up you're going to kill him and let him set up to kill you. :)
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS волк IS STUPIDER THAN COSMO FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS! WHO THE HELL WOULD SAY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TO SOMEONE!?
Also for a moment I thought I was Чтение The Twilight Zone. It's just that this book has so much dark themes in it.
...........
I just called The Three Little Pigs dark. Wow.
Holy shit. I'm going insane.
"When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the волк was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards."
THANK Иисус IT'S FINALLY OVER.
In conclusion, why do so many people like this book? It's boring, a bit dark for kids, has a lot of long sentences and words in it 4 год old kids wouldn't understand, it's too long for it's own good, and the characters are дана little to no to Scrappy Doo personality.
It's cliche, lame, and outdated as hell. And that's it. I'm finally done, holy shit.
(For the record, all of the conclusion is a lie. Well, most of it anyways. I really did like this story, so leave me alone Комментарии section.)
Anyways, this is Jared Potts, signing o-
??: Guess who..... Hahaha......
Me: Well fuck.
Kyros: Yes, it's me again. And you.... Ты sick bastard.....
Me: What do Ты want, some popcorn? It's in the cabin-
Kyros: SILENCE! Ты shall pay DEARLY for what Ты did to me! And your punishment......
Me: What is it, lunch detention? :D
Kyros! THAT'S IT! FOR YOUR Далее CRUSHING THE CLASSICS ARTICLE, YOU'RE GOING TO REVIEW YOUR Избранное DR. SUESS STORY.......
Me: Wait.... Ты wouldn't.....
Kyros: Oh yes I would... Ha....Haha..... HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Me: Please.... Don't do it! I Любовь that book!
Kyros: IT'S FINAL! YOU'RE REVIEWING..............
Kyros: The. Butter. Battle. Book.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well shit, the Далее episode's going to be a doozie. Goddamn it Kyros. Anyways, see Ты guys later! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to click the I'm A Фан button if Ты enjoyed!)
♥If you're asking if I need you,♥
♥The answer is forever♥
♥If you're asking if I'll leave you♥
♥ The answer is never♥
♥If you're asking what I value,♥
♥The answer is you♥
♥If you're asking if I Любовь you♥
♥The answer is I do♥
☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮
READ THIS!!! I didn't write this poem, I found it earlier today.
♥The answer is forever♥
♥If you're asking if I'll leave you♥
♥ The answer is never♥
♥If you're asking what I value,♥
♥The answer is you♥
♥If you're asking if I Любовь you♥
♥The answer is I do♥
☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮
READ THIS!!! I didn't write this poem, I found it earlier today.
While emoji (graphical presentations of emoticons) are probably most known, “kaomoji” (from “kao” = face, “moji” = character) are the Japanese version of Western/Eastern emoticons and there are practically endless variations available.
The biggest difference to the Western/Eastern and Japanese emotions is that they read horizontally and Ты don’t need to turn your head to understand them.
For example the Western/Eastern emoticon for “Happy” looks like this :-)/:) while the Japanese version looks like this (^_^).
Do Ты use these emotions или others in your emails?
Here are some examples:
(^_^) happy
(((º Д º ;))) scared
(-´´-;) problems
(>_<) angry
(?_?) confused
(-.-)zzZ sleepy
(^ _^;) embarrassed
(^O^) very happy
(T_T) sad
(^ ε ^) Kiss
-See еще emotions here: link
1) wacg alote of T.V. или be on the computer a long time
2) don't eat Еда that can make Ты sleepy
3) drink a lot of soda или crush
4) gety near load stuff или equipment
5) kepp your lights on
6) try not to close your eyes at a late час
7) don't lay down
8) wach a scary movie
EX: Cucky Nightmare on elms улица, уличный orphan
10) eat choclat and other stuff to make Ты hiper
those are some ways to stay up till midnight on New years eve.
plz writ a commet to tell me what Ты did on the list
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE EVERYONE!
2) don't eat Еда that can make Ты sleepy
3) drink a lot of soda или crush
4) gety near load stuff или equipment
5) kepp your lights on
6) try not to close your eyes at a late час
7) don't lay down
8) wach a scary movie
EX: Cucky Nightmare on elms улица, уличный orphan
10) eat choclat and other stuff to make Ты hiper
those are some ways to stay up till midnight on New years eve.
plz writ a commet to tell me what Ты did on the list
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE EVERYONE!
(Big idea)
Another problem thats spreading on Fanpop. The problem is that people keep reporting people for dumb reasons. For example my friend some people reported her because she didnt agree with them and thats wrong. Like what happened to ''We are a big Fanpop family''?. That doesnt even matter anymore does it ? Just when somebody makes Ты mad или doesnt agree with your point of view Ты just Сообщить them and thats just a whole bunch of bullshit. Like for real handle reporting responsibly if someone makes Ты mad keep going on with life if someone doesnt agree with your view point just accept dont Сообщить thm. Because we are a big family and we dont Сообщить или block family we care and Показать Любовь for them and YES we all argue its natural but just to Сообщить someone is taking it too far
PLZ STOP IT!!
whos w/ me?
Любовь all around
-Jordan
Another problem thats spreading on Fanpop. The problem is that people keep reporting people for dumb reasons. For example my friend some people reported her because she didnt agree with them and thats wrong. Like what happened to ''We are a big Fanpop family''?. That doesnt even matter anymore does it ? Just when somebody makes Ты mad или doesnt agree with your point of view Ты just Сообщить them and thats just a whole bunch of bullshit. Like for real handle reporting responsibly if someone makes Ты mad keep going on with life if someone doesnt agree with your view point just accept dont Сообщить thm. Because we are a big family and we dont Сообщить или block family we care and Показать Любовь for them and YES we all argue its natural but just to Сообщить someone is taking it too far
PLZ STOP IT!!
whos w/ me?
Любовь all around
-Jordan
"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do Ты want?" "I'm calling to Сообщить my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hidingmarijuana inside his firewood." "Thank Ты very much for the call, sir." The Далее day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
1. Your Чтение my article.
2. You're wondering why you're even Чтение this.
4. Ты didn't notice that I misspelled you're on #1
5. And you're checking back now
6. Nor did Ты notice I skipped number three.
7. Ты don't even feel like checking back this time. You'll take my word for it..
8. This is so stupid that Ты silently chuckle to yourself.
9. Then Ты realize that six isn't true because that doesn't make sense and that this is a rip off.
10. But Ты remember that a fact is something that can be proven right или wrong, so technically it was a fact.
11. Ты wish Ты never began to read this stupid stuff now but its still hard to stop.
13. I didn't catch Ты with the missing number this time. или did I?
14. Ты wonder why I'm being such a smart butt.
15. But then again, my mind Чтение powers amaze you.
16. Ты totally forgot I was only supposed to tell Ты ten facts.
2. You're wondering why you're even Чтение this.
4. Ты didn't notice that I misspelled you're on #1
5. And you're checking back now
6. Nor did Ты notice I skipped number three.
7. Ты don't even feel like checking back this time. You'll take my word for it..
8. This is so stupid that Ты silently chuckle to yourself.
9. Then Ты realize that six isn't true because that doesn't make sense and that this is a rip off.
10. But Ты remember that a fact is something that can be proven right или wrong, so technically it was a fact.
11. Ты wish Ты never began to read this stupid stuff now but its still hard to stop.
13. I didn't catch Ты with the missing number this time. или did I?
14. Ты wonder why I'm being such a smart butt.
15. But then again, my mind Чтение powers amaze you.
16. Ты totally forgot I was only supposed to tell Ты ten facts.
