Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If Ты think you're fat, Ты probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If Ты ask a Вопрос Ты don't want an answer to, expect an
answer Ты don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless Ты are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Собаки are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon или the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything Ты wear is fine. Really.
13. Ты have enough clothes.
14. Ты have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if Ты must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what Ты want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what день it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is еще difficult than peeing from
point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes Ты think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
29. Anything we сказал(-а) 6 или 8 months назад is inadmissible in an
argument. All Комментарии become null and void after 7 days.
30. If Ты don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we сказал(-а) can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes Ты sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty Ты are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if Ты don't want the genie to come out.
34. Ты can either ask us to do something или tell us how Ты want it done- not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever Ты have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like
Ты do.
39. Telling us that the Модели in the men's magazines are
airbrushed makes Ты look jealous and petty and it's
certainly not going to deter us from Чтение the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.
If this offended any Girls throughout this‚ i'm sorry... but us girls should know this
1. If Ты think you're fat, Ты probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If Ты ask a Вопрос Ты don't want an answer to, expect an
answer Ты don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless Ты are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Собаки are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon или the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything Ты wear is fine. Really.
13. Ты have enough clothes.
14. Ты have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if Ты must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what Ты want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what день it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is еще difficult than peeing from
point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes Ты think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
29. Anything we сказал(-а) 6 или 8 months назад is inadmissible in an
argument. All Комментарии become null and void after 7 days.
30. If Ты don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we сказал(-а) can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes Ты sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty Ты are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if Ты don't want the genie to come out.
34. Ты can either ask us to do something или tell us how Ты want it done- not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever Ты have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like
Ты do.
39. Telling us that the Модели in the men's magazines are
airbrushed makes Ты look jealous and petty and it's
certainly not going to deter us from Чтение the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.
If this offended any Girls throughout this‚ i'm sorry... but us girls should know this
--I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
--I used to come here all the time with my ex.
--I never сказал(-а) Ты NEED a nose job. I just сказал(-а) it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
--Could Ты excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
---I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have дана someone like Ты a секунда look.
--And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
--It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I дата just won't be as smart as I am.
lol
--I used to come here all the time with my ex.
--I never сказал(-а) Ты NEED a nose job. I just сказал(-а) it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
--Could Ты excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
---I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have дана someone like Ты a секунда look.
--And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
--It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I дата just won't be as smart as I am.
lol
Dear President Obama;
Hello. I am speaking on behalf of the Solicitous And Rude Citizens Asininely Seeking Metamorphosis. We here at SARCASM have but two humble goals: coming up with a new acronym that makes actual sense, and to cure the affliction that has been persistent in killing off millions of people since the dawn of time, or, unless we are mistaken, the late 60’s—death. According to the statistics gathered by our diligent team of sea turtles, 98.54 people are diagnosed with death every 2 секунды (if we had one apple, and one of our sea turtles found three others, this is how many apples we would have.) We ask a simple favor from the depths of your all knowing wisdom and possibly robotic chest. Mr. President, with the help of the laser that we believe to be stored within your chest, we could save millions. As one Bob the Builder once said, “Yes we can.” Mr. Obama, we call Ты forth.
Hoping Ты are well,
SARCASM
Please sign your name below.
Hello. I am speaking on behalf of the Solicitous And Rude Citizens Asininely Seeking Metamorphosis. We here at SARCASM have but two humble goals: coming up with a new acronym that makes actual sense, and to cure the affliction that has been persistent in killing off millions of people since the dawn of time, or, unless we are mistaken, the late 60’s—death. According to the statistics gathered by our diligent team of sea turtles, 98.54 people are diagnosed with death every 2 секунды (if we had one apple, and one of our sea turtles found three others, this is how many apples we would have.) We ask a simple favor from the depths of your all knowing wisdom and possibly robotic chest. Mr. President, with the help of the laser that we believe to be stored within your chest, we could save millions. As one Bob the Builder once said, “Yes we can.” Mr. Obama, we call Ты forth.
Hoping Ты are well,
SARCASM
Please sign your name below.
1.Einstein was four years old before he could speak.
2.Issac Newton did poorly in grade school.
3.Beethoven's Музыка teacher once сказал(-а) of him,"As a composer,he is hopeless."
4.When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
5.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school баскетбол team.Boston Celtics Hall of Famers Bob Cousy and Bill Russel suffered the same fate.
5.A newspaper editor fired Walt Дисней because he had no good ideas.
6.Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
7.Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a месяц and dropped out forever.
2.Issac Newton did poorly in grade school.
3.Beethoven's Музыка teacher once сказал(-а) of him,"As a composer,he is hopeless."
4.When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
5.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school баскетбол team.Boston Celtics Hall of Famers Bob Cousy and Bill Russel suffered the same fate.
5.A newspaper editor fired Walt Дисней because he had no good ideas.
6.Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
7.Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a месяц and dropped out forever.
