Come at me bro

Beg for a PlayStation 3 every time Ты with her while withdrawing money
Borrow her panties. Tell her about it a week later. Make sure to tell her that you’re sorry, for added effect.
Play Thunderhorse on гитара Hero. Forever. Only Thunderhorse.
Lick her nose. When she tells Ты to stop, promise to do so, but do it anyway. It’s okay. It was just a white lie.
Flirt with anything with two legs. Make sure to make obvious glances to your girlfriend while Ты do. Speak with hushed whispers.
Invite her to a movie. When she shows up, tell her Ты changed your mind and would rather go visit your...

Everyone knows, shit happens everywhere

Confucianism
Confucius says: “Shit happens”.
Buddhism
If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen Buddhism
Shit is, and is not.
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Shintoism
This shit happens everywhere.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Christianity
Shit happens to sinners.
Islam
Shit happens if it is the will of God.
Astrology
Shit is written in the stars.
Catholicism
If shit happens, Ты deserve it.
Protestantism
Shit happens, so let 's make it worthwhile.
Lutheranism
When shit happens, change the subject.
Calvinism
Shit happens because Ты don't work hard...